Summer of 2018

Among the plethora of diverse and often mutually exclusive(if I may call it that) interests that ‘D’ and I have, one of the common passions that we share is the love for travel. We’ve tried to keep up the zest and enthusiasm for travel, post kids, as well. Sometimes just the thought of traveling with two kids under 7 years of age can make exhaustion set it, before vacation starts :), if you know what I mean. The running joke in the family is that subjecting the kids to long flights and travel schedules could have one of two effects: Either the kids end up loving to travel and continue exploring nooks and corners of the world, well after us….Or they get so fed up, that the only kind of vacation they end up enjoying or seeking out, later in life,  are the ones that involve couching in:).  Oh well…'THAT' only time will tell...Though I fervently hope, it will be the former. For now though, they seem to be doing well and enjoying travel as much as we do…So fingers crossed…

This summer , wanderlust took us to the beautiful Eastern European country of Croatia. Believe it or not, we were there right in the middle of World Cup soccer fever. You can well imagine the kind of excitement on the streets, and among the locals, when their country of a little over 4 million people (a population less than that of the New York burroughs put together) reached the World Cup soccer final! Inspirational and fun!

On our way to Croatia, we spent a few days with my cousin and her family in The Hague, in the Netherlands. Growing up in India, I have had a very close connection and relationship with both my maternal and paternal cousins. We were always in and out of each others homes, and there were so many occasions to get together as an extended family, it was quite amazing. With ‘D’ and my extended families spread all over the world now, Raya and Rayan are not as fortunate. So they always love spending time with the extended family, whenever they get a chance. And what a blast they had with their aunt and cousins. We also ended up making some side trips back to Amsterdam (‘D’ and I were there in 2010, before Raya was born…and it was good to be back). We also visited Bruges, the little 'fairy tailish' town in Belgium, where I  spent a significant amount of time in the early part of my professional career. It was lovely to take ‘D’ and the kids back to Bruges, exploring all my favorite locales, indulging in some creamy, garlic mussels with Belgian frites, and not to forget decadent chocolate covered waffles .

As for Croatia....Spectacular natural beauty…gorgeous beaches and islands….awe inspiring history and monuments…delicious sea food from the Adriatic Coast…Dalmatian cocktails to die for…’GOT’ land….amazing hospitality…friendly, laid back, happy people…small country…big dreams…that’s Croatia in a nutshell….

Talking of ‘GOT’, just a disclaimer that I haven’t watched all the seasons of Game of Thrones yet. Hubby is a big fan and binge watched all 7 seasons, while I have just gotten started.  Nevertheless, 'I' being 'I',  did not lose the opportunity to scout out all 'GOT' locations in Dubrovnik and Split...“King’s Landing”, “The Staircase of shame”, “The basement of the Diocletian palace, where the dragons were kept”, to name just a few. The icing on the cake was however getting to see the filming of a few scenes of the upcoming season in Split….so now, when I am actually watching the series…it’s literally that surreal sense of deja vu:)

We flew into Dubrovnik from Amsterdam, spent a couple of days there, exploring the old town, the surrounding islands and the gorgeous beaches. Thereafter we drove along the coast from Dubrovnik to Split. That’s a super scenic drive lined with gorgeous coastlines, wineries and fruit farms. The Peljesac peninsula between Dubrovnik and Split is famous for it’s sun drenched vineyards(specializing in a wide variety of red wines), dramatic coastline /scenery and local produce, jams , juices directly sourced from the local farms. We made Split the base for the next 5 days. In addition to exploring the city of Split, we made trips to the beautiful island of Hvar, the UNESCO heritage town of Trogir, The Krka National Park and the Plitvice Lakes National park. The day trip to the the Plitvice Lakes National Park ,was by far, the one I was most worried about, given that it was a 3.5 hour drive one way, and then another two hours of hiking around the park, without a stroller. But I have to say, the kids made me really proud here. Rayan, specifically, was so excited by the aquatic life in the lake that for a major part of the trek, he was oblivious to the fact that we had left his stroller at the base, as he got busy pointing out, “Mama….look fishie…..look fishie..”:) 

Croatia has the absolute best ‘gin’ based summer cocktails…in terms of local fare, the “Brodetta” (Dalmatian stew) and “Peka” were our favorites. The beaches are gorgeous pebbled beaches (so having tight fitting water shoes handy can be a blessing here).

We often get asked, how we manage long flights, road trips and multi destination travel itineraries with two kids in tow. Let me start by saying that once the travel plans are set in motion, it really isn’t as hard or challenging as it seems, when you are just thinking about it. Also we do not micromanage our travel plans. Of course, we always have basic stuff planned for in advance like flight bookings, lodging etc as well as overall timelines in a multi destination itinerary. However we never plan apriori or in too much detail, what we will be doing on specific days of the trip. We keep drive times/train rides limited to a max of 4 hours or less per segment. And every afternoon we make sure we have some time set aside for some water fun, be it a trip to the beach or the  kids just lazing around in the pool. Both our kids are water babies, and it’s not too difficult to keep them engaged in sight seeing or other activities that 'D' and I enjoy,  as long as they have ice creams, a boat ride,  the pool or the beach to look forward to later in the day. Lodging wise, we made sure we had picked high rated apartments with ocean views for our stays in Dubrovnik as well as Split. This ensured there was enough space for us to spread out and  there was always a gorgeous balcony with an ocean/lake view to come back to, at the end of the day, and relax with a book/ a glass of wine. We used Booking.com to book our lodging and picked ocean view apartments with a rating of at least 9.0/10 (with at least 300+ reviews). This seemed to work really well for us.

By the way, ‘D’ and I , who before the kids, would travel with two huge suitcases for just one week long trips, managed to make this two week trip with just one small and big suitcase between the 4 of us. That’s quite an achievement, given my past inability to travel “relatively” light. And then of course,  it’s super fun too see that the kids enjoy the exposure to a wide variety of cuisines  in all such trips!! When coming to food, Raya is the more conservative and change resistant of the two kids. Little boy Rayan is quite the explorer in this regard. Rayan , after getting back from Croatia, on being asked what he wanted to eat for dinner, promptly replied, “ Octopus” ! LOL

This summer , we also made a short late summer trip to Asheville, NC…quite a gem out there in the south , in the Blue Ridge Mountain valley, with a great music, food and art scene.

So overall, it was a fantastic summer. Raya is back in school. Second grade already and turning 7 next week! Rayan is back to day care and enjoys being around the teachers and friends during the day. 

Little man Rayan(all of 2.5 years now)  is also turning into quite a hilarious little guy. A few weeks back after getting back from Europe, at the breakfast table, I was asking Raya where her summer camp field trip was….our little man did not even wait for her to reply…and quickly pitched in with his two cents …”Mama I am going to Amsterdam and Crosia “(At this point of time, he has an atypical accent that makes 'Croatia' sound like 'Croasia':). All the football fever in Croatia also got to the little man….and every time now, on tv, when he watches a game of football, tennis or any sport for that matter, he loves using the phrase, “Oooo Baba, that was close!” . His other favorite phrases are “Finito”…. and “That makes sense, Mama?”/“That makes sense Baba?” , which he uses sometimes in the funniest of contexts.

So that was the Summer of 2018(which included some quality time with the both sets of grandparents, in addition to travel fun)!! 

Leaving you with few a travel snapshots…May the wanderlust in you thrive and flourish!

"Aw right! None taken!"

The most frequently used phrases in the Das household this Feb are:

Big girl Raya: “No offense”

Little man Rayan: “Aw right”

The wide variety of notoriously hilarious contexts , these are used in, make the household reverberate with laughter.

Mr. Rayan who used to be a fantastic “sleep through the night baby” since he was almost 3 months old, has suddenly become a night owl, now that he is officially in his twos. He still goes to bed promptly at 8:00 PM , but more than twice a week, he wakes up at the ungodly hour of 2:00 AM, wanting to come to our bed and chit chat or restlessly toss/kick around. And let me tell you, his teenie weenie kicks are brutal. Oh well!!:)

While I love it when he puts his cheek on mine and his arms around my neck in an attempt to put himself back to sleep….there are often times when the restless tossing and kicking around forces me to be a bit terse with him, in the hopes of  getting a reasonable amount of sleep to have a productive working day, when we see the light of dawn !

So I have tried a couple of things in this context. I softly try to coerce him to go back to sleep with, “Rayan, will you please go back to sleep now. We have to wake up early tomorrow”….To that, pat comes his reply, “Aw right, mama”…followed by a few seconds of deceptive quiet and forced closing of eyelids, in an attempt to put himself back to sleep…but sure enough, within a few seconds he is back to the restless tossing and kicking….and then when I try a terse ,”Rayan, go back to sleep right now!” tone…pat comes the reply….”Mama, don’t talk to me like that!!”…..without any attempt at all to go back to sleep…LOL…Oh well… such is motherhood!

Then yesterday, I told Raya, ”Raya…please remind me to do yoga every day. I need to lose weight. I have become a bit fat, right?!”. Pat comes Ms. Raya’s reply, “No offense mama, but yes you have”….Well I just stared at her for a moment…here I was a parent, completely aware of how I should not introduce my kids to issues about body image, and paradoxically expecting some kind of validation from my 6 six year old about my own…well bad parenting, you would say….I realize it and hopefully this will not happen again, but that aside, I realized Raya was waiting for a response to her “No offense…” comment. She waited for a few seconds and then said, “Mama if you did not feel bad about what I just said, you are supposed to reply ‘None taken’….”

I was stunned, burst out into laughter and all I could blurt out was , “Aw right! None taken!”

Then of course, yesterday at the dinner table, Rayan was pointing to some Brussel sprouts, making a face and saying, "I don't like this, mama"...soon enough I saw Raya making the following the hand signal and looking at Rayan:

When I asked her, what that signal meant, she said it means "Me too"!! So essentially I found out I have two kids here who absolutely dislike brussel sprouts and now I know the hand signal to acknowledge and indicate "Me too"! Oh well...

Kids and the lessons they teach us!!

Pumpkin Rayan and ramblings from the last couple of months...

It's quite amazing how time flies...

Our little pumpkin, Rayan, turns 2 tomorrow. Just before sitting down to write this post, as I browsed through the blog archives(and chuckled at/re-lived some beautiful memories, while  re-reading  posts from Raya's toddler years), I was momentarily hit by a pang of guilt...I realized I  had not put in as much effort to chronicle all the interesting milestones and moments of little Rayan's life with the amount of detail that I did for Raya. You could perhaps attribute it to the  'second child syndrome'. While milestone dates have been made note of religiously for entry into the baby book, I haven't really captured little Rayan's fun, growing up moments in as much

detail as I would have liked to...partly because I have become quite an irregular blogger, with blog posts becoming very sporadic...and then, of course, there is the 'second child syndrome' being at play. You know how it is...With your first child, every milestone is novel...every challenge is unique...the smallest of innocent sniffles from the baby is capable of bringing on bouts of paranoia...the most trivial of 'firsts' capable of setting off a parental jig...you love, cuddle ,chuckle at the antics, feel the pride of each accomplished milestone and the pain of each setback just as much for each of your kids, it's just that the way of handling and reacting to a situation/scenario evolves...the same kind of situations may not necessarily evoke as passionate or as excited a parental response as with the first child...good or bad...that's what I mean by the 'second child syndrome'  or more approriately the 'non-first child' syndrome :) ...my little brother, Ash, and my hubby, 'D' ...both will vouch for it. As we discussed this 'non- first child' syndrome, both of them were quick to point out that the parents' do not have as many baby pictures/memories captured of them as of the older siblings, sending the parents into a rampant, guilt ridden search of the archived albums, of course :)...Oh well...so that's that!

Let's get back to the primary subject of this post, our little pumpkin Rayan...he is now a toddler...loves 'nanas' (read bananas)…absolutely loves cuddles(and I am making the most of it while his love for cuddles lasts :))...adores his big sister (believe it or not, the first word he uttered was 'Raya')...he bosses all of us around(using a string of words that only he understands, but sure enough sound like  reprimands, prefixed or suffixed with a 'not nice Mama'/ 'not nice Baba', 'naughty Raya'), and we are told he behaves like the sheriff in his day care class...I have to mention this hilarious scenario at the breakfast table a couple of days back...

To provide some context, over the last few years, Raya has become a very fussy eater... this does mean that making sure she has had breakfast, on chaotic work day mornings, can be quite an ordeal...'D' and I have to invariably keep egging her on every couple of minutes...with 'Eat Raya'...'Drink your milk'...'Finish your breakfast'etc...So on this particular morning, I was putting away some dishes in the kitchen, while the kids were at the breakfast table and this is what I hear:

Rayan to Raya(pointing at her milk glass): " Raya eat...Raya eat...eat cheerios...eat your milkie"  (He, of course , doesn't know difference between eat and drink yet)

Raya to Rayan( in a semi- embarrased tone"): "Rayan, you don't have to tell me what to do!" ...LOL

At least, at the moment (I am saying this at the cost of jinxing it), little Rayan is pretty low maintenance and independent compared to his big sister...a lot of our attention, specially at bed time and meal time , is focussed on our first born (now, I guess that is a result of the pampering coming out of the 'first child syndrome' :))...And then, like a very typical 'Bong', Mr. Rayan has a sweet, sweet
tooth...there is a drive through 'Dunkin Donuts' on the way from his school to home...and invariably, as soon as we are close to that section of our routine drive, there will be a plea from pumpkin from the back seat..."Mama...doo nut...mama...doo nut...pleeeeasse"...ha ha...The other day, pleas for  a donut, at home, resulted in yours truly giving Rayan a donut with no frosting, since
that was all that was available at home...and guess what Mr. Rayan did...he scanned the donut carefully...gave mama dear  his signature 'tchh..tchh' look and then tossed the donut  aside with, "Mama ...no choco.. .Mama...no choco" (He was not too happy to be handed a non-chocolate frosted donut)...ha ha!

Pumpkin is beginning to develop a love for books...here again I have slacked a bit in terms of keeping up with a book reading bed time habit like I did for Raya, but I am doing my best to rectify it now that I observe him enjoying books…his favorite books are “Brown Bear Brown Bear" by Eric Carle… “My grandpa and I” by PK Hallilan…and "The Three Little Pigs" by Andrea Petrnik...he does believe he can read by himself ..ha ha.. as he snatches the books from me after I have read a few pages and then pretends to read in an incomprehensible monologue...

His favorite song is the Bollywood number,"Kaala Chasma"...this song invariably makes him  break into a jig…his favorite nursery rhyme is ‘Wheels on the Bus” and yes, the only colors he can identify, as of now  are black, yellow  and pink :). His favorite tv show character is 'Mika' (Mickey Mouse, of course)...and he absolutely loves his teddy bear and toy cars!! And when he got his first taste of a radio controlled toy car today, he was super excited to see it "walking"(like he said it) on its own...as the car zoomed past him triggered by the remote, Rayan shouted in excitement, "Mama look...Mama look...car is 'walking',...car is 'walking'",,,such are the simple pleasures of  toddler Rayan...

And then today, as the family got together to put up the christmas tree (that comes in parts), Mr. Rayan pointed at one of the three parts and shouted…."Mama…big broccoli…big broccoli"… and as I burst into a bout of uncontrollable laughter…I heard my little man reprimanding me in his, now signature, 'tchh, tchh' tone , “Not funny Mama!! Not funny”….LOL..

And not too forget, the Das household no longer needs an alarm...Mr. Rayan, like clockwork wakes up at 6:00-6:30AM in the morning...and after being taken off the crib by his Baba dear dutifully runs over to wake up the non-morning persons of the household with "Mama week(read wake) up...Raya week(wake) up"...

So that’s that…as far as his big sister goes, she is teaching her Mama piano these days. And every week, I am expected to get one of these…

I have been very clearly told that 6-7 days of practice would earn me this reward…4-5 days of practice would get me a stick face(whatever that is)! and 1-3 days of practice would get me a frown…oh well…that’s keeping me on my toes, for sure :)

On another note, this is what happened a couple of weeks back…RAya was asking me to get her a toy…something very similar to another toy she already had... I just told her, "Raya we will get it later.I don’t have the time to go to the store right now" (First of all, definitely not good parenting, in terms of the reason given by me…I should have probably simply said, “I don think you need this toy right now.You already have something similar" or at least something similar to that effect)…Pat came the reply,”Mama you don’t have to go to the store…order online…order online…order on Amazon…it will be here tomorrow”….That’s when I realized our kids were getting used to instant gratification in terms of what they want,need and get…A working parents' lack of patience and abundance of unwarranted guilt, along with the  convenience of online shopping, could in fact turn into a deadly combination in terms of unconsciously spoiling kids. So in order to provide Raya with a semblance of the value of money...this is what I did. I told Raya, "Next time we go out shopping, make sure you take out 10 dollars from one of your piggie banks and let’s see what you can get with that". So the following day, Ms. Raya set out with me with a purseful of coins…I , of course, should have given her a 10 dollar bill in place of the coins , in hind sight….but hind sight’s always 20-20, right…Ms. Raya, of course, initially thought she could buy the store with those coins in her purse…one after the other, she looked at toys, most of them, as I was already aware, were more than 10 dollars worth... the few that she found that were less than 10 dollars(7-8 dollars) worth, she refused to buy…and this is what she said,”Mama they are too expensive…I will have to pay with most of my coins"…LOL..believe it or, she ended up buying something teenie weenie for 2 dollars so that she could save her piggie bank money :)….Now to pay for that 2 dollar thingie, she unloaded a mountain of coins at the cash counter from her purse…Needless to say,I was a bit embarrased…fortunately we had a spirited cashier and the folks behind me  had a good sense of humor, giving RAya the time she needed to count her coins and pay the money she owed….Anyways, you may think this was a silly exercise….but I do have an important new year’s resolution for 2018 …to not give in to the absolutely unwarranted  working parents’ guilt and to come up with creative ways to teach the kids the value of what they are fortunate to have in life …to learn to cherish and value non-material possessions…to understand  the transience  of most material possessions…It is going to be a challenge, I have to admit, not to cave in and it will require an of abundance of patience (I am not sure I have enough of that, but that's a different problem)…but I do believe it’s about time…so we will see how that works out….absolutely welcome any ideas that I could adopt.

On that note, hope all of you have a fantastic holiday season…wish you the absolute best of health, love, laughter and happiness this coming year.

From a girl who codes to all the girls who want to code...

                                                     Photo Credit, Times Inc

I have been in the tech industry for more than a decade in various roles. I have chosen to pursue my passion as a technologist, against all odds. Being in software and systems engineering/architecture centric roles in a man's world can sometimes get daunting. It can be pretty overwhelming when you fly across the country to attend a tech conference and as you enter the conference room, you see an ocean of  men with just one other woman in a corner.

Being talked over many a time and learning to re-assert the points to be made even after being talked over; having to work twice as hard to establish credibility specially when you are in a role which involves convincing a group of peers or junior technologists about a technical strategy or tactic; having to  consciously work on not starting any sentence with 'I may be wrong, but...' I have been there, done it and figured out ways of venturing out of my comfort zone, while continuing to learn new lessons everyday.

I have realized that as an engineer and technologist, and a woman technologist at that, who often has to speak louder, work harder, have more data to prove my points... one of the best ways in which I can subtly align a team to a strategy or tactic, I believe will work, is to lead by example. There is no better way a technologist can lead by example than to provide a preliminary tangible view of the end result/product. With all the advances in the technology sphere, turnaround time and inter-team
dependencies for building prototypes has reduced significantly. One person working on one computer, with a plethora of virtual computing resources and services available to her/him at her/his fingertips, can churn out prototypes to prove a concept much more easily than it was possible earlier in the decade. No matter what your role is in a team, a prototype built in a short amount of time or guiding a team member to build a prototype, can work wonders in terms of  aligning a team to a specific line of thought, which no number of meetings or discussions during that same period of time, can achieve. And that's the reason, even after all these years, as I have progressed through various roles in the technical ladder, in addition to keeping generally abreast of technology advances, I have made a conscious effort to keep my coding and software development skills as up to date as possible, along with all the other career  skills that I have fortunately managed to pick up over time.

In any sphere, being able to subtly align a team to one's strategic point of view, without rubbing anyone the wrong way, is the key to making sure a concept sees the light of day, in terms of a customer facing product/solution. There's no better way for a technical strategist to achieve this than by leading by example, getting his/her hands dirty in the product design and development and thus setting the pace for the team to get a jump start to meet a business need.

I have also been fortunate enough to be around technology leaders(both men and women) who genuinely believe that engineering technology as a discipline can work wonders only with collaboration, cooperation, empathy along with technical aptitude and passion (not genetic pre-disposition). These same folks also believe that with most corporations/industries attempting to transform themselves into digital/technology companies, being tech savvy and having an aptitude for technical skills is no longer an option, but a necessity if you are in one of these industries.

Most technology companies, and companies which aim to become technology companies, are moving towards an organization structure that promotes product based, self-organizing, self-contained, agile teams focussed on a building and maintaining products with state of the art technologies to meet business needs. This also means that this provides an opportunity for men and women with servant leadership qualities to thrive. Self organizing, agile product teams require a mix of collaborative, cooperative, empathetic team members who are skilled technologists. Irrespective of what a man and woman's  predisposition  may be, to succeed and thrive
in such teams, both men and women have to be able to come out of their comfort zones, re-train themselves, practice and pick up skills (social and technical), that they may not be naturally pre-disposed to. Whether you are a man or a woman, a good combination of social and technical skills  as well as a good combination of IQ and EQ, is required to thrive in such emerging technology organization structures. It will soon no longer just  suffice to be  a 'geek' or a 'strategist' or a 'visionary' or a 'people manager' or just a 'good communicator' to be able to survive and thrive in this fast evolving technical space.

So, no matter what anyone says, all of you girls who are passionate about technology, do not get disheartened. The future is yours to grab!

I am a strong believer that environmental factors(both at home and outside), passion and practice are the primary contributors of women succeeding as technologists.

But it has to start with the acceptance of certain facts:
- Gender stereotypes exist and will continue to exist in the near future
- We have to be prepared to find our way through this maze of stereotypes and get used to working outside our comfort zone, while the world adapts, transforms and finally achieves the utopian dream of being free of gender stereotypes.
- We have to look out for each other, and carry each other over obstacles.

For all the girls who want to code and be technology leaders, let me tell you this...there will be a time in your career when you will have to strategically guide/lead technical teams full of men towards a vision. You will see shadows of doubt in most of  their eyes as they try to convince themselves why they should listen to a woman about something they believe they probably know better . But there's nothing more rewarding than you getting your hands dirty in code to build a quick prototype that drives home the points you are trying to make, and in the process seeing  the shadows of doubt just as quickly disappear, as everyone aligns themselves to a shared belief and vision,  which then gradually begins to take shape. There's nothing more exhilarating than seeing a product/solution you have actually helped design and build see the light of day!

So keep coding, be resilient and keep rocking the tech world!

Of dinner table conversations…of courage and compassion…of the hare and the tortoise…

Today’s dinner table conversation comprised of the importance of standing up for oneself and for others around us…and for the need to show compassion to people around us...as ‘D’ and I put one hypothetical situation after another in front of  Raya, we were amazed to realize that the little Kindergartener was able to articulate quite clearly how she would stand up for herself and her friends and family, when needed…the only question she raised was, ‘Mama/Baba, what do I do if someone is being mean to a stranger?’…That quite stumped D and I…we tried our best to explain the need to be able to differentiate one situation from another, when dealing with strangers…trying to drive home the point of the need to be compassionate while looking out for oneself, when dealing with a stranger, who seems to need help...I am not quite sure we did the greatest of jobs explaining this point…but we gave the best explanation we could…parenting is after all an evolving art, ain't it?!…I am sure we will do better next time...

As we spoke to Raya about the need to show compassion to everyone around her, about being able to stand up for herself and others around her, I have to admit I said a little prayer in my heart…a prayer hoping that some other parent at some other dinner table was doing the same…so that as our children learn to stand up for themselves, and for their near and dear ones and strangers, alike…hopefully  there will be someone, someday who will be willing to stand up for them, if ever the need arises…well, we can only hope and pray…

On a lighter note, Raya always seems to take forever to finish dinner…

So today I told Raya: "Raya, Baba and I are almost done with dinner and you are not even half way through. You are so slow"

Raya, after a moment’s pause: "Mamaaaa(tcchh tchh tone), I am the tortoise…I am slow, steady and focussed! You are the hare because you are teasing me about being slow. That's not nice."

Oh well , I was obviously too stunned to respond…an embarrassed, flushed face and a tame,’That’s true! I am sorry’ was all I could manage...now who could argue the 'hare and the tortoise’  point after all…it was a classic case of Aesop’s fable staring right back at Raya’s mama :)…

That's that...

I however want to end this post on a much more sombre note, sharing  a belief and thought that I hope will let all of us sleep  at night whenever we get bogged down by the chaos, the pessimism, the shades of grey and black in the world around us…and that belief is that 'Side by side, with the worst of humanity, more often than not,  you will find the absolute best!’ 

Nothing drives this point across more eloquently than a most unfortunate series of events  on a train in Portland last weekend. Prayers for the families of the beautiful souls who stood up for strangers, at the cost of their  own lives. May their souls rest in peace! In death, they have spread love and reaffirmed the belief of many of us that indeed, 'Side by side, with the worst of humanity, more often than not, you will find the absolute best!’ So, Thank you!

Woman...

Woman...Let's just say it's a loaded word...the origin of a child...the origin of mankind...yet more often than not, as history shows, sidestepped and pushed into a corner in the name of patriarchy.

The boldness, spunk and confidence little girls are born with is often eroded as they grow up, primarily due to environmental factors. I saw this video yesterday, and it is quite disturbing...



and then there was this report , http://services.google.com/fh/files/misc/computer-science-learning-closing-the-gap-girls-brief.pdf that a friend shared on Facebook that validated everything in the video with more statistics. We are in the 21st century and there are twice as many boys as girls in STEM professions...that's a sad, sad state of affairs...

That aside, I have spent a lot of time thinking about this and then realized we don't have to look too much outside our own inner circles to discover a few traits which prevent women from being the strong and impactful influence on society, that they can potentially be.

In the very literate and educated circles, we move around in, I notice a few very distinct traits among a lot of woman that make it more and more difficult for them to reach out to and accomplish what they are capable of achieving:
- Their sense of worth(financial and otherwise ) is very tightly coupled with those of their partners. I rarely see a situation where a husband's worth is tied to the wife's...often enough wives take pride in their worth being tied to the husband's ...not that I have a problem with that kind of love and the coupling part of it LOL...but if that sentiment was reciprocal, wouldn't that be such a great example for our little kids...
- A lot of women believe and spend their time wanting to be liked by everyone they know. It doesn't take too much to realize that this really is an impossible feat to accomplish. In an effort to be liked by the majority, these women never learn to make their voice heard, to stand up for their beliefs and  for those who they know in their heart of hearts, are right...they just follow the masses...sadly enough, in such situations, without realizing it, they are surrounded by a lot of people, yet alone since their voice is never reflected in the thoughts and voices of the people surrounding them...that doesn't bode too well on their level of confidence and security, for sure...
- A lot of women speak of equality, but are not ready to do their bit to support their partners. While they readily play victims at the drop of a hat, when the husband wants to take a break from work and the woman has to support the family, that becomes an absolute "no,no". If the situation were the other way around, that's of course the way it is supposed to be LOL
-Women don't realize the kind of power and influence they can wield by just having each other's back. That sense of camaraderie often starts and ends with hanging out with the girls and never extends to a meaningful social cause. I am not saying this doesn't apply to men. But I am talking about women here.

We all aim to be strong women...we all want to be around strong women... and we all want to raise strong women...but let us all remember that the lessons and traits of strong men and women and of gender equality start with the interactions at home...

I am a daughter, sister, wife, friend and mother...I am loving, caring, attached to my family and close friends...I am also bold, confident, fiesty, secure and very comfortable in my own skin...I speak my mind...I work at home and have a professional career outside...I am not a great cook...I am clumsy...I sleep in while 'D' makes breakfast...I make lunch instead...I chaffeur the kids around and give 'D' the space he needs to do the things he likes, when he needs it...I don't ever play victim...I don't need a man or another woman to validate my place in the world...and all that doesn't make me any less feminine...all that doesn't make any of the people who matter to me love me any less...

'D' is a son, brother, husband, friend and father...He is bold, confident, secure and very comfortable in his own skin...He works at home and has a professional career outside...he is a great cook...he is not clumsy...he makes breakfast...he speaks his mind...he doesn't ever play victim...he doesn't need a woman or another man to validate his his place in the world...he is loving, caring, attached to his family and close friends...and all that doesn't make him any less masculine...all that doesn't make any of the people who matter to him love him any less...

'D' and my worth(financially and otherwise) are not coupled to each other, but that doesn't make us any less in love :)

It's not an easy task maintaining this equilibrium...it requires a lot of work...flexibility and adaptability at both ends ...Life is not always easy...it has and always will have it's share of ups and downs...but this partnership of equals, I would like to believe, makes both us strong, secure, confident and ready to take on challenges...all that I can hope for is that all of us with partners are successful in seeking out ways to reach this equilibrium...we are able to be role models for our children...so that we can be examples of strong women and men, we can be around strong women and men and we can raise strong women and men....because a society needs rational and strong men and women to flourish and prosper...

So yes let's #BeBoldForChange!!!

It's still a man's world out there...but it takes a woman to give hope...

Flawed she may be...tell me, who isn't?...change is what the rust belt working class voters may have wanted...even if it was based on a divisive rhetoric and undefined economic policies...but I still cannot wrap my head around the fact that millions of college educated women, went into polling booths on November 8th and probably prior to that, to cast a ballot against Hillary Clinton...to vote for a misogynist...or maybe for a third party...either way, against her ...their votes just could have made the difference...whether we want to accept it or not, sexism exists...and let us not fool ourselves by trying to make ourselves believe that sexism originates and ends with the men of the world...the fact that it is still a man's world today and something like what happened on November 8, is still possible has as much to do with  women's perception of their place in the world as it has to do with the inability of some(or maybe most) men to accept women as equals.

A lot was at stake in this election...all of us know that...and no amount of reiterating what those stakes were matters now...but the statistic associated with college educated women is pretty startling...I would have expected a statistic more in the lines of 75%-25% or even better in favor of Hillary Clinton among college educated women, but as shocking as it is , the support she got in this demographic was significantly lower...essentially a significant number  of the college educated women chose to vote for a misogynist, someone who has demeaned women in all possible ways throughout the campaign, or they  voted for a third party candidate (which almost made their vote meaningless in the big picture)...

At times throughout the campaign I had heard sound bites from some women(fortunately just a handful in the part of the world where I live)...'oh she needs to demonstrate her vulnerability', 'she should start by dressing like a woman', 'all I care about is lower taxes', 'everyone votes along party lines', 'she is too ambitious'(a women's place is in the kitchen kinds)...I cringed at all these moments...but fortunately for me, there were  many more women around me who cared about what matters to me...'decency','graciousness', 'experience', 'advocate for children','advocate for women', 'advocate for minorities',
'advocate of hope', 'advocate of the belief in the greatness and the goodness of the  United States of America and all it's people', 'advocate of a woman's right over her own body', 'advocate of education', 'advocate for LGBT rights', 'advocate for the disabled'...never in my wildest dreams had I imagined that the former category of women existed in big numbers or that they would vote in such huge numbers against her...sad, but true...there may have been many factors in play in the election ...but given the stakes for humanity and women, I really do feel let down by this first category of women...these are educated women, many of whom are probably raising little women of their own...most of them are eons away from any economic calamity...most of these educated women have been blessed with the intelligence to understand the stakes...to differentiate fake news from real news...to differentiate manipulation from reality...to differentiate truth from lies...yet they chose to use their vote to endorse fear over hope...to take a chance with change, knowing very well that it could potentially be very dangerous change...it's beyond what I can wrap my head around...

The day after the election, I woke up with a sinking feeling...I couldn't make myself watch the concession speech...knew I would tear up...so I read the transcript instead...I wept nevertheless...for those who haven't seen or read it...it's a must...and then yesterday, I listened to Hillary's first speech since her concession speech last Wednesday, where she spoke at a dinner for the Children's Defense Fund ...http://time.com/4575126/hillary-clinton-childrens-defense-fund-transcript/...

Whether you like her or you don't, whether you voted for her or you did not...listen to this and the part where she speaks about her mother...and I will quote here..."And then finally, as some of you heard me say during the campaign, I draw hope and sustenance from another person who influenced my life and still does every day, my mother. I have talked about her difficult childhood. She was abandoned by her parents when she was just 8 years old. They put her on a train to California all by herself in charge of her little sister, who was three years younger. She ended up in California, where she was mistreated by her grandparents, ended up on her own, working as a housemaid. She beat the odds. She found a way to offer me the boundless love and support she never received herself. I think about her every day and sometimes I think about her on that train. I wish I could walk down the aisle and find the little wooden seat where she sat, holding tight to her younger sister, all alone and terrified. She doesn’t yet know how much more she will have to face and even suffer. She doesn’t yet know she will find the strength to escape that suffering. That’s still years off. Her whole future is unknown, as it is for all of us, as she stares out at the vast country moving past her. And I dream of going up to her and sitting next to her and taking her in my arms and saying, “Look, look at me and listen. You will survive, you will have a family of your own, three children, and as hard as it might be to imagine, your daughter will grow up to be a United States Senator, represent our country as Secretary of State and win more than 62 million votes for President of the United States""...

I wish this gives you hope and the resilience to get back up  whenever you feel down and out...

Yes in her own words, "We haven't still shattered the highest/hardest glass ceiling. But someday, someone will. And hopefully it will be sooner than we may have imagined"...

To me, the mother of a 5 year old little girl, Hillary Clinton embodies resilience, graciousness and hope...and irrespective of what your political views may be, as flawed women of the 21st century, let's give her the respect she deserves for reaching as far as she did...for being the trailblazer for our little girls...

I am fortunate to have a husband who is a passionate advocate for women's rights...and as uncertainty prevails, basic human rights stay threatened, women's rights remain at stake...'H' inspires us to
choose hope over fear, love over hate...to never give up...to continue to fight for what seems right ...

We can only hope that in our lifetime, we will be able to see many more instances of people choosing love over hate, hope over fear, togetherness over divisiveness, facts over rhetoric...and choices like the one made on November 8 are anomalies rather than the norm...