The paradox called life

Paradoxical as it may sound, despite being an essentially absent-minded personality, there is one thing I am a particularly keen observer of, and that is human behavior...

Now I do understand that there is probably a very thin line between just observing human behavior and judging...so let's just put it this way, defensive as it may sound, I love interacting with people from all walks of life ....human behavior fascinates me, and while I observe and try to figure out why a person behaves the way he /she does without letting any hearsay /preconceived notions bias my opinion, I don't judge,for the most part I give people the benefit of the doubt and prefer to just go with the flow and let relationships develop, if they are meant to ...all the while, trying to keep those human sensitivities, I have observed in folks over the years, in mind, while interacting...

Now there is a good side to this trait and a bad...the good side is that, not having fixed/inflexible notions of what is right and wrong, I have the capability to allow for all shades of grey in human beings, including myself of course :)...and learning not to be judgmental has helped me form some beautiful, warm friendships and relationships in life, that I'll cherish forever...the downside however, is that for each of those five fulfilling friendships and relationships, there are always a couple where over time, you realize you have been taken for granted / been taken for a royal ride and where there was perhaps only an illusion of warmth and affection...for in a lot of cases, the little and sometimes even big things and thoughts in life go unappreciated :))...

Oh well, that's life...and it' s paradoxical indeed...

Now coming back to the post...so what's paradoxical about life...some observations…

The fact that when people have a job, they wish they didn’t, they could just laze around and chill instead...and the fact that when people don't have a job, they wish they did...
The fact that when people have children, they wish they were just a couple...and when people don't have children, they wish they did...
The fact that when people are surrounded by folks who love and respect them, they take them for granted...and when they are gone, they crave their company...
The fact that when people are unhappy and sad, they give the illusion of perfection...
The fact that when people have all that they have ever wanted in life, they realize their search hasn't ended yet...
Essentially the feeling that the grass is invariably greener on the other side...when it isn't :)

Yes, the paradox called life…

For all our differences, and believe me there are many, for once D and I are on the same page at least on this one...live life in the moment and live it up...that helps us try to keep clear off these paradoxes for the most part...and I do hope it will remain that way in the years to come...but then you never know,do you... after all life is a paradox in itself and only time will tell what is in store for us...:)

Happy Friday folks!!

P.S. A couple of days back, a long lost friend of mine called from India to share a piece of good news...it was around 1:00a.m. in the morning when I received the call and despite not having had a chance to speak to her in the past 5 odd years and over the period of years, the email exchanges having become extremely rare, it took me less than a second to recognize the voice, after the initial,"Hello, is it Priyanka?" :)...the call made my day...and yes, there I was flooded with memories of all the times we had spent together ...a friend who has been very much an integral part of my life journey so far :)...so cheers to that!

Memories...the journey and the destination

Last Sunday, we went for this play called "Broken Images" performed by Shabana Azmi...I love theatre and fortunately for me, unlike in a lot of other activities, it hasn't taken much effort on my part to bring 'D' into the theatre watching fold :). Being an ardent Shabana Azmi fan, it wouldn't have taken much for me to get impressed anyways. But it was a stellar performance ,indeed, by the Indian theatre icon as she kept us on the edge of our seats , engrossed in the one act plot of Girish Karnad's psychological thriller for a full hour...Earlier this year, we had the opportunity to go for another wonderful play called 'the Blue Mug' starring cinema and theatre personalities, Konkana Sen Sharma, Ranbir Shenoy, Vinay Pathak and Rajat Kapoor, among others.

'The Blue Mug', which apparently falls into the experimental theatre genre explored the importance of memories in the lives of human beings...with each of the actors depicting real memories from their personal lives... 'Broken Images', a post modernist play, demonstrated the exploration of the subconscious mind and pysche of a renowned writer,trying to come to terms with her sudden rise to international fame, through her memories...

Whoa...don't stop reading here... this blogpost is not supposed to be an elaborate review of the above two plays...I mention them only because they got me thinking about how important a role memories play in our lives ...the vacuum, that personally, my life would be without memories :)

For a moment, sit back and think about the following:

When you undertake a venture or for that matter do anything in life, be it personal or professional...what is most important to you....the 'journey' or the 'destination' ...the journey, as in, the relationships you build...the good times...the bad times...the falls...the learnings from failures...the small stepping stones...the love, affection and respect you make and take...

If the 'destination' and the 'end' is all that matters, then this post probably would not make much sense to you...you would be among those laughing your guts out, right now, about me making such a big deal about memories ...'cause for you, the excitement and thrill all lies in 'the end'...the 'destination' is all that matters...the 'journey' and hence memories have very little meaning...the end always justifies the means...good or bad, that's the way your life will probably always be...for the major part perhaps - devoid of any meaningful, valuable memories...

However if you are one of those for whom the journey is what matters rather than the destination, then you would understand why I am making such a big deal about memories:)...yes, memories that make you smile, memories that make you pick up the phone and make that long due call to a dear one, memories that make you reach out to your loved one and give him or her a warm hug,memories that make you laugh,memories that make you cry...good or bad,memories that make you 'YOU' !!

Today, as we celebrate,Diwali, the festival of lights in India, for all of you for whom the journey is as , if not more important than the destination...as you start a new year and make new beginnings in life, may your life be filled with beautiful memories that lead you to the destination you aspire to reach - whatever, whereever it may be :)

Happy Diwali folks!!

Joie di vivre...

We were exactly halfway through our European vacation, briskly walking around the cobbled streets of Rome, just outside Vatican city...D, the very efficient navigator throughout the whole trip, as usual with map in hand, while I, the directionally challenged of the two, was lost in thought...we were trying to find our way through the 'borgos' and 'vias' of Rome, searching for this local Italian gourmet eat out called 'Angeli', which was highly recommended by Daniel, the caretaker of our hotel...I abruptly stopped for a moment, turned towards D and said something to the effect of, "Wouldn't it be great to have a vocation that was a combination of Anthony Bourdain's and Samantha Brown's !":)...D, for a moment, was taken aback by the suddenness of the halt to our walk...but then he recovered, soon enough, just laughed out loud and said, 'But of course!':)...After all, who wouldn't want an opportunity to travel whole year round to big places and small, exotic and not so exotic locations...discovering tidbits about different cultures and experimenting with local cuisine, food and drinks...

So yes for two weeks, we did exactly what Anthony Bourdain and Samantha Brown and ‘n’ other travel enthusiasts probably do the whole year round...

It was a whirlwind Europe trip...a trip that took us through the liberal and resilient streets of Amsterdam...gave us a flavor of the continental urbanity and sophistication of Paris...provided us with a glimpse of the 2000 year old Roman civilization...charmed us with the beauty and laid back life of the French Riviera...provided a peek into the glitz and glamour of Monte Carlo and finally took us on a beautiful journey through the fairytale land of Swiss cities, villages, lush green meadows and of course the Alps...we did it all...from "Amsterdam's coffee shops", where coffee constituted the smallest section of the menu, to Moulin Rouge in Paris...from basking in the luxuries of five star lodging in the bigger cities to cozying up in local bed and breakfasts in the small Swiss villages, hosted by some very warm and affectionate locals...we did all...the touristy 'been there, done it’ kinda stuff as well as set out exploring locations and places that were off the beaten path...from hanging out over food and drinks with locals at gourmet eat outs to fine dining, from traveling by air to bus to tram to subway to train to boat...yes we did it all...mountains, beaches, snow, sunshine, lakes, rivers, meadows, villages, cities...and now we are back...back to the grind, trying to relive and share those two beautiful weeks through the memories we created , the photographs and videos, through which we tried to capture it all...yes that's 'joie di vivre', the joy of living !!

Our first stop was Amsterdam...the gorgeous, liberal, tolerant, freewheeling Dutch city...with beautiful canal lined neighborhoods and cobbled streets...the famous /infamous 'coffee shops' and cafes...and not to forget a huge red light district...The first day we were there, it was raining...but fortunately the weather got better soon enough for us to explore whole of the city in a relaxed manner...As far as the traditional Dutch food that we had, was concerned, the dishes were mainly based on dutch cheese, a lot of meat, potatoes and most dishes had a very distinct apple aftertaste in most gravies. In fact apple seemed to be a primary constituent in most Dutch desserts as well in addition to spices like cinnamon, nutmeg and cloves. As far as drinks were concerned, I stuck to wine...while D experimented with local Dutch beers:)...All in all, a fun city and good food...in fact among the bigger cities, I personally would keep Amsterdam high on my list if you were looking for a good balance of urbanity and coziness...

Next stop Paris...we took the Thalys from Amsterdam to Paris...so got a feel for what life at 350 kms an hour feels like :)...As far as the city itself is concerned, this is what Ernest Hemingway had to say about it,"If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life it stays with you, for Paris is a moveable feast"...and the three odd days we spent in the city were definitely enough for D and I to get a pulse of this beautiful place and bow down and say ‘amen’ to Hemingway’s words...Paris is undoubtedly a landmark of continental urbanity and sophistication, but has something in some corner of the city for everyone...the writer , the painter, the dancer, the singer,the romantic, the lover, the banker, the shopaholic, the foodie, the traveler, you and me...that's what makes this city so special and interesting...a lot of memories...a tour of all the historical monuments and museums...an evening river cruise on the Seine...a traditional French dinner across the river and across the gorgeous Notre Dame Cathedral...the vibrant Latin Quarters...the historic St.Marais quarter...a sweet language...very friendly and helpful locals (despite the language barrier, contradicting a lot of our preconceived notions)...lazing around, sitting by the road side cafes and people watching...patisseries, creperies, wines, truffes, creme brulees, tarte tatins, chocolate mousse, macaroon cookie tarts,exotic croissants ..and of course, Moulin Rouge,the origin of the cabaret and the French Can Can...After a really long day of walking around the streets of Paris, I had almost convinced D to just couch in the hotel instead of heading out for dinner and Moulin Rouge...but am I glad that D insisted and persisted that it would be a lovely evening...and that's eaxactly how it turned out...a perfect evening!! So that's a must do whenever you are in Paris next...

Next stops Monte Carlo and Nice...that's exactly what we needed after 5 days of walking through the streets of Paris and Amsterdam...the charm and laid back life of the French Riviera :)...We spent a couple of days lying around on the beaches of Monte Carlo and exploring the small hill town as well as old town Nice...Though fascinated by the glitz and glamour of Monte Carlo, the playground of the rich and the famous in Europe, I was more in awe of the scenic beauty and charm of this beautiful , cozy , small little town perched on a hill...The beaches were pretty but were pebbled beaches, which made it slightly painful to go into the water...I personally prefer the sand beaches of St'Johns in the US Virgin Islands any day over pebbled beaches...but the beauty of the landscape of the French Riviera with those huge cliffs plunging into the ocean and the lush green hills dotted with small homes, lining the beach landscape, is absolutely breathtaking...was two days of complete relaxation…

Next stop Rome...what do I say about a 2000 year old civilization, that has the old and the new, the ancient and the current so perfectly juxtaposed next to each other...it was pretty overwhelming walking around this city in person...it also put of a lot of things in perspective as far as how this ancient civilization has had an influence on lot of newer cities in the world as far as architecture and culture is concerned...as far as people were concerned, I got a vibe that was very similar to India...and no it's not just full of thugs, like people make it out to be....again despite the language barrier, people were very helpful and warm...I guess that’s very characteristic of Rome and parts of Italy south of Rome...I wouldn’t say the same of Venice and Milan though, which we visited few years back...it's just that like in all big cities, you need to be aware and alert of your surroundings...that's all...

And then finally we started the last leg of our journey... a four and half day trip through fairy tale land...Switzerland...Geneva, Zurich, Lucerne, Interlaken, Gstaad, Spiez, Gilwis, Brienz...a small , but breathtakingly beautiful country...While maintaining bases in Geneva, Interlaken and Lucerne, we would just hop on to a train and randomly get off at a destination of our choice , spend a few hours there and then move on....cities, small towns, villages, lush green meadows dotted with beautiful chalets,lakes, mountains, glaciers...essentially unsurpassed scenic beauty...I'll let the pictures speak for themselves, as and when I put them up...but the doze of the train trip through the mountains, valleys and villages of rural Switzerland topped with swiss chocolates, fondues and Roschti...was a lovely, relaxing way to end to the European vacation...

We travelled by train from one place to another, across countries....though it's slightly more expensive than air travel, for people like me who hate being cooped up for hours in airports and planes when on a vacation, personally I feel it's the best way to see Europe...specially if you are on a short trip (less than three weeks), spanning multiple countries...it takes at least half a day to get your bearings in a new city and country, so getting used to a language and traffic signs could become strenuous if one opts to drive around instead...but train travel provides a very good feel of how the topology and demographics change as we cross regions, cities and countries and more importantly, it gives one the opportunity to interact with the locals...and believe it or not funnily enough, you find ways of communicating, interacting and getting a vibe of the culture despite all perceivable language barriers...that's what travelling is all about , aint't it !

But yes, now we are back...back to the grind...it feels good to be back home...to familiar surroundings and one's own bed...though we terribly miss the excitement and pulse of the life we led the past two weeks :)...and while I hope that some day I will have a vocation that's a combination of Samantha Brown's and Anthony Bourdain's...for now, I am happy just to dream and work towards the next stop...whereever, whenever it may be...yes, that's 'joie di vivre', the joy of living !!

Sowing and reaping…

I remember , as a child, my grandfather used to read out these inspirational bed time stories emphasising the philosophy of reaping what you sow...of doing unto others what you would want others to do to you...and all of us, who have heard those stories as a child, am sure have tried to live by that principle for the major part...

But sometimes, it makes me wonder if times have changed to the extent where this philosphy no longer applies...are all of us who believe in the philosophy living in a utopian world or could it be that the principle only applies to people who believe in it :)...it makes me wonder, for all my abilities of seeing the glass as half full rather than half empty,if what goes around really come around in today's world...

Giving off positive vibes, thinking positive, smiling no matter what, treating others as you want to be treated...is that how life should be led...or have we reached a stage in life and the universe where being selfish is considered ok and reaps long term happiness...I wonder...

Is being empathetic towards and treating people with the kind of respect and value that you would like to be treated deemed foolish in today's world...I wonder...

Being always unsure about my thoughts and views on such issues, I generally pose such questions to friends in terms of scenarios...in this particular case, while two of my friends were endorsing the "the as you sow,so shall you reap " philosophy wholeheartedly...this third friend of mine almost wanted to shake me out of what she thought was a utopian reverie, as she said that in the modern era, she believes and observes a lot of selfish "a**holes" who seem happy:)...it was both funny and scary the way she said what she said and all of a sudden, for all my resilience and abilities to look at the glass as being half full, I was overwhelmed by a bout of cynicism :-(

So what do you think...does what go around really come around...in the modern era, does one really reap what one sows !!

Musings...

Yesterday night, after we got back from a friend's birthday party and were getting set to go to bed, D came and gave me a big, warm hug and said..."Jaan you are such a simpleton "...

Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't have known whether to get offended (considering it a slap on my intelligence) or take that as a compliment:)...but the warmth of the hug and "I love you for that" that accompanied the statement left little doubt about what the the intent of the statement was...that aside, I still haven't gotten an answer as to what triggerred the statement...hopefully a bit of probing in the evening will lead me to that...am hoping I didn't end up doing anything really, really silly and foolish, though :)

But that's besides the point...the point is, being the die hard romantic that I am, these are life's little(a lot of people would say silly) moments and spontaneous expressions of love that I live for...and so D says he is lucky because I am apparently very easy to keep happy and contented :)...and hopefully it will remain that way in the years to come!

That aside, nothing much is really happening other than work on weekdays and chilled out weekends...we are getting set for a two week European vacation, which both of us are really excited about, and D's birthday is coming up...and this time for some weird reason, I feel a bit of pressure as far as my cooking skills are concerned...for all those who don't yet know about my tryst with cooking, here's the post on my love hate relationship with the art of cooking ...so wish me luck :)

Fitting in , Standing out, Masking and Unmasking

Back to blogosphere after a break with a rather instrospective topic :)

People fascinate me...and among 'n' not so desirable qualities which both D and I may have, there is one quality I am really proud of, that enriches our lives and makes it really worthwhile...and that's our love for people and diversity...

I have been fortunate enough to have lived in different parts of India as a child, lived dormitory life as a student and then of course have had the opportunity to interact with different kinds of people from all over India and the world, from different social and economic backgrounds, in the professional and social environment...essentially I have had opportunities galore to learn a whole lot of things about people and cultures that have added enriched perspectives to different facets of my life...I would be lying if I said I love every aspect of every person I meet, I wouldn't really be human if that were the case:)...what I am trying to say is that being open minded about people, in general, has helped me learn important things from a lot of people I have come in contact with...that has enriched my life...I am grateful for that...and that sense of gratitude adds to whatever little sense of tolerance I have...

Yesterday I caught up with a friend of mine over coffee and had a very interesting and refreshing discussion...the discussion among other things involved the notion of "fitting in and sometimes living with the illusion of being liked and loved vs standing out for who you are and being genuinely liked and loved, if loved at all"..my friend had some rather interesting incidents to narrate...I will not dwell on those further...

But yes, the general observation was that a lot of people try to fit themselves into stereotypes...aka "the intellectual", "the cool dude/dudette", "the goody two shoes","the connoisseur","the spiritualist"...doing things not because they are passionate about it or love it or believe in it but because they feel that's the "cool" or " in" or "right" thing to do, given the circumstances...perhaps it emerges from their inherent human need to be accepted into certain cliques... you see certain facets of their personality emerge with a specific set of people and a completely different facet of the same personality trait emerge in front of another set of people or another situation...it's scary, but true ..not just that, they often keep you guessing most of the time about who they are and in most cases, as these people keep wearing one mask above the other and trying to fit into different cliques, they often adopt a condescending attitude towards people who would much rather stand out in the crowd for who they are and still love and be loved/hated rather than fit in for reasons they don't necessarrily believe in...another observation was that we rarely see such people having too many constants in their life...they always seem to be in a perennial, never ending search for something more!!

While both my friend and I love debates, on this issue ,we were unfortunately on the same side of the discussion :)...so there was not much of a debate...both of us felt that the kind of people we are, we would much rather stand out in the crowd for who we are and be loved/hated for that while we learn and assimilate perspective from people coming from different backgrounds, while making and keeping them a part of our lives...but then of course we had this feeling that perhaps we were missing some important point here, that was biasing us towards our viewpoint...so I just thought, it would be a good idea to throw this topic out for debate on the blog...

So what do you think, in today's world, what constitutes happiness, contentment and success... "Fitting into preset notions and cliques and having a sense of belonging there" or " Standing out for who you while being flexible and learning from diverse people and life experiences and assimilating everyone's experiences into your lives"....my friend and I feel it's the latter...but then more often than not, I definitely am wrong:)...so do share your perspective if the issue strikes a chord…

So is "fitting in" synonymous to living life on someone else's terms while "standing out" in the above context synonymous to living life on your own terms...or have I got it all wrong ? And if it is, is one or the other the right way of living life !?

A revelation...

(Update: 9th September, 2011

Added blog post entry for inclusion in Sulekkha's(http://sulekkha.blogspot.com/2011/09/lets-make-collage-of-articles.html)collage of articles on "Soul Mates".Feel this entry echoes my thoughts on a soulmate most accurately...so here's a toast to times shared with a person , who you think is your soulmate, of course while the relationship and feeling lasts :) )

It's not any special day today...just an ordinary day when I started my long drive to work relatively early by my standards (early as in , 7:30 am in the morning...yes, for all those who know me well and my love for sleeping...that's really,really early :-) )...but that's besides the point...the point is that, amidst the ordinariness of the day in general, while listening to my regular dose of music during my drive to work, I had an extraordinary revelation of sorts :-)

A month or so back, a few of us friends went for a trip to a state park... at night as all us sat together, revelling in nostalgia and some great music, buzzed as usual with just the right amount of alcohol, conversations got interesting, as they generally do at such outings …amidst a couple of pointed questions, this friend of mine asked me a question, an answer to which funnily enough, after all these years of being together with D, I could not articulate effectively…the gist of his question was , given how different D and I are in a lot of ways, as in likes /dislikes etc., what is it that made us click initially and have helped us stay together so far, despite quite a few ups and downs in the relationship…after all, to start with , we were polar opposites…he was the “naughty dude…the bad boy”….I was “miss goody two shoes”…he was a “back bencher”…I was a “front bencher”…he was “funny”…I lacked a “sense of humor”…at least then I did…not anymore though…he he…I “loved books and reading” …books and conversations were then my primary source of information and knowledge …his “attention span was limited to seconds” as far as reading is concerned… life experiences and people interactions and conversations were his primary source of information and knowledge ...and the list goes on and on…

Now even today, I have a lot of reasons that could motivate me to kick D’s a** and leave him thristy and stranded in the middle of the desert tomorrow :-(... he loves golf, football, basketball, tennis , ‘n’ other sports and his car more than me...he picks on me, gangs up against me and makes fun of me at the slightest provocation, more often than not in public...he insists he is a better cook than I am and not just that, he sits on the couch while I slog it out in the kitchen, shouting out 'fundaes' about the fundamentals of cooking ( this , after knowing how hard I have worked to develop whatever few cooking skills I have)...he doesn’t quit smoking despite my repeated pleas to him to do so...he promises to come early from golf and get grocery done for a party we are hosting, but ends up coming a couple of hours late and stressing me out of my wits...and the list goes on and on...

But now, let me mention the revelation I had...just one simple reason that would stop me from leaving D thirsty and stranded in the middle of the desert tomorrow:)...D is absolutely comfortable in his own skin...with him, you really don’t have to keep guessing “what’s really going on?”...what you see is what you get...and what that means for me is that it helps me feel comfortable in my own skin ...helps me just be myself everywhere anytime...and it means being completely stress free, even when I have the illusion of being stressed, if you know what I mean :-)...well that’s the ‘early morning’ revelation I was talking about...nothing mushy, mushy or cheesy but a revelation nevertheless...though I agree you would say ,after three decades of life, 4 and half years of marriage and 16 years of knowing each other...it’s perhaps a late revelation on a rather ordinary day...but an important revelation for me,nevertheless...:)