The Man in the mirror...

The 'Man in the mirror' has faded away...

He was a prodigy and a child singing sensation at the age of 5, a teen icon at the age of 18, a superstar at the age of 25...a singer, dancer, composer, lyricist, entertainer...he rose to the helm of superstardom in a jiffy and fell from the pedestal just as fast...he was wealthy but lived beyond his means...early on in his career, he was deemed a shrewd investor...in the last decade of his life, all his investments were deemed foolish...he was a philanthropist...he was an apparent victim of child abuse and extreme parental pressure that drove him to the limit...he never lived the childhood every human being deserves...he was a man who never seemed happy with the way he looked...he was a perfectionist...he was weird...he was complex...he was once a handsome, vivacious trendsetting youngster ...at a later stage in life, he had almost transformed to an alien...he was accused of the inexcusable crime of child molestation...and his death now is shrouded in a possible case of prescription drug abuse... understood by very few, he seemed like a very lonely soul...a man many found difficult to love,but even more difficult to hate...

Yes that's Michael Jackson ...the good and the bad...the black and the white ...the known and the unknown...and of course the very visible shades of grey...and today, "The King of Pop" is dead at an age when very few of us, lesser mortals, can claim to have achieved what he achieved in just the first 25 years of his life...

Over the past one and a half days, news channels have flashed snippets and stories about MJ's life and death ...the internet has been clogged by fanatical fans trying to make sense of his life and his sudden passing away...

In the midst of this frenzy , as I follow the various news clips and my feet involuntarily tap to the trendsetting beats of " Billy Jean" and " Beat It", a question crosses my mind...all of us , humans beings, have shades of grey in our personalities, don't we? I am sure there are instances in every persons' life, when he /she looks at the mirror , literally and figuratively, and doesn't like what he/she sees...But what is it that pushes some people to the brink of insanity, darkening the shades of grey that's inherent in human nature, almost pushing them into a bottomless pit ?

It's one of those questions, I guess, to which there can never be an unequivocal answer...

With that question lingering in my mind, as an era comes to an end with the death of Michael Jackson, I realize it's about time we gave him the benefit of the doubt...I mourne the passing away of a legend, accepting those shades of grey in his life, instead of trying to judge and classify those shades as black or white ...I seek solace in and celebrate the beautiful music that only he was capable of creating...

After all not every human being is fortunate enough to learn and understand, early on in life, that with great power,talent,wealth and success comes great responsibility...I guess MJ was not one of the fortunate ones...

But then, of course, neither is every human being capable of achieving what the 'King of Pop' achieved in his short life span...

While his legacy lives on in the form of his amazing musical creations, may his soul rest in peace !

Food for thought...

So Sunday, May 10th was Mother’s day…and my friends with kids, who had rushed to the mall to pick up last minute gifts for their wives, were of the unanimous opinion that the malls were packed to the hilt with male folk and kids on Saturday evening and Sunday morning so that preparations, for the mothers to be pampered, could be completed in good time :-) …

I hadn’t realized until that point of time, that over the years, Mother’s Day celebrations have gone on to assume such importance in the lives of families…it was cheering to see the children ,aptly prompted by their dads, do small things for their mothers in their own special ways as a token of their appreciation and love…

Noticing all these celebrations around me, my thoughts transitorily dwelled on Ms. ‘S’, a lady I have met just once and perhaps will never meet again…and just for a moment, I was overcome with this overwhelming sense of helplessness.

About a month back, I volunteered at this organization called One Brick for an event “Bowling with KEEN”. Kids Enjoy Exercise Now (KEEN) is a nonprofit, volunteer organization and in association with One Brick holds these bowling events every month for children and young adults having disabilities such as autism, cerebral palsy, down syndrome, various intellectual and developmental disabilities. So the event I signed up for was a KEEN bowling event where a participating athlete, with special needs, is paired with a volunteer coach for an afternoon of bowling.

I had been thinking of getting involved in some such volunteering activities involving children /education etc for quite some time …but it took a final push from a friend, Rush,who took the initiative to sign up for the event, to actually make me get out of bed relatively early on a Sunday morning (by early, I mean 10:00 a.m., the lazy bum that I am :-) ) and get to 'Strike Bethesda' to bowl with those wonderful youngsters. And am I glad that I managed to overcome my laziness and get to the bowling session that Sunday afternoon(despite having this last minute urge to go back on the commitment I had already made…believe me, my brain was baiting me with a lot of excuses…incomplete household chores …hectic long week at work coming up etc.etc. :-))!!

To say the least, the event was a sobering experience and filled me with an overwhelming sense of gratitude for all the good things that I have been blessed with in life…

As a volunteer coach, I was paired with ‘P’, a 20 year old adolescent in the body of a 10 year old child…a wheel chair bound youngster …a fragile shriveled being… who was almost oblivious to the world around him and not responsive to anything other than the occasional gentle touch of his mother…Ms.‘S’,the lady I mentioned before…a beautiful, dignified, single mom, whose world seemed to revolve around her son…

And on Mother’s day,as I rejoiced in the celebratory mood of my friends,I momentarily thought of Ms. S …

I wonder what she did…probably she had family around her to pamper her…I am sure ‘P’ must have made her feel special in his own little way…maybe…probably…perhaps…I really don’t know…all that I know is that it left me with a very sad feeling…

I personally love being pampered and appreciated by friends and family for big things and small on special and not so special days…I would be a hypocrite to claim that I don’t…

Nevertheless it made me feel that maybe...just maybe while all of us fortunate, privileged ones go on with our lives and have these ever growing list of special global days (Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day etc), to celebrate our relationships with the special people in our lives and also to endorse and rejoice in a sense of camaraderie with other people, who are fortunate enough to be on the same boat as us, we perhaps unknowingly exacerbate the void, pain and loneliness in the lives of those not as fortunate…

Perhaps, just perhaps…we have got into the habit of eternally looking for reasons to create hoopla and fuss about just ordinary days…

Cavetoons...

With summer just round the corner (at least historically...who knows this year we may just end up experiencing white, snowy months of June,July,August if the unpredictable weather pattern is anything to go by :-)), I have been doing some research on the theatre and standup comedy scene in the Washington DC metro area...

There are quite a few interesting shows and plays lined up for this summer...more about them in another post...I just want to post some cavetoons in this space for now...brought a huge grin to my face as I browsed through them again yesterday...

And as to what are 'cavetoons'...so we went for this show "Defending the Caveman" last summer ...essentially a stand up comedy, endorsing and accentuating the "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" philosophy. It was a hilarious show that left both D and me as well as the friends who accompanied us with that quintessential "feel good" feeling that arises from the realization that we are not alone, as far as having to deal with some of the apparently "atypical" idiosyncracies of our partners, is concerned ...

So here are some cavetoons(courtesy www.defendingthecaveman.com)...hope it will bring a smile to anyone who drops by the blog...

Mahalo Maui !

Aloha...

We just got back from a beautiful, relaxing and refreshing Hawaiian vacation last week...

Needless to say, it was pretty difficult bringing ourselves back to work and to the world of mundane daily chores after spending five days in what seemed like paradise…

We were visiting Maui, the lovely Hawaiian island bang in the middle of the Pacific and eons away from the mainland…the land of beautiful sunsets...swaying palm trees...acres of sugarcane fields...miles of gorgeous white, black and red sand beaches...land of kula coffee and mai tais...the Haleakala volcano...hula dancing...laulau...poi...luaus...leis...beautiful beed and shell jewellery...amazing hand carved wood trinkets...adorable Polynesian people and culture...

It was an unplanned trip and was hence all the more exciting...the beach bums that D and I are, a major portion of our five day vacation on this gorgeous island was spent beach hopping, sun bathing and engaging in a variety of water sport activities. We drove up the Haleakala volcano and hiked a couple of miles down...walked above the clouds at the crater summit...drove along the unpredictable pacific coastline forming the island ... explored part of the sometimes rocky ,sometimes serene pacific landscape/terrain on car as well on foot...and of course sipped more than our fair share of 'mai tais' as we watched the sun go down everyday ...

It was a different kind of sunset each of those five days...the sun would go down, filling the sky in a splatter of soothing and daunting colors(I know for sure now that it's definitely possible for an experience to be soothing and daunting at the same time:-)).

I am an ardent nature lover...but that aside, my fascination and love for sunsets is augmented by the fact that I spend most of my pre and post twilight hours negotiating the notorious Washington DC traffic, thus rarely getting a chance to just sit down and watch the sun go down :-)...what else...we got a birds eye view of a clothing optional beach...and of course not to forget hogged on local Hawaiian food and drinks...

Here are a few pics of this piece of paradise on earth...Maui...

Us and Them...

Well for all of you Pink Floyd fans, this post is not really about their “Us and Them” classic which I so ardently love…this post is literally about “us” and “them”…the social stratifications created among humans by humans through prejudiced beliefs…

When educated, young politicians go on to make such inflammatory statements like Varun Gandhi did in Pilibhit (http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/EC-files-criminal-case-against-Varun-Gandhi/articleshow/4275065.cms), it is depressing to realize that what all of us have been clamoring for so far i.e. to have educated, progressive thinking youngsters in the Indian parliament , with hopes that they will be able to guide India to become a world power by leveraging the secularity, the democratic ideals of the nation and the intelligence/ perserverance of the common Indian man, is perhaps just a utopian dream…

I have always been proud of coming from a country which nurtures as much diversity in terms of faith, language and culture as India does…a country where at a specific point of time in recent history, the two highest official positions in the country were held by two extremely talented individuals ...a Muslim president and a Sikh prime minister …both being from what are considered minority communities in a nation which is inhabited by the largest Hindu population in the world…

Wherever there is diversity, there is of course bound to be differences of opinion about matters big and small…and it’s all good that there exist different opinions or views about matters…but when these cultural differences take a turn for the worse to become prejudices and premises for judging people and actions, that’s a lethal step towards turning the moderates among common folks into extremists…and to be very frank it doesn’t take a genius or a scholar to realize that…

I personally believe that it’s all good to be proud of a faith by choice …after all each individual derives solace and strength from different sources…choice and belief in a faith is something personal but being prejudiced by a faith and demeaning others who do not concur with one’s beliefs is really not acceptable…

That brings me to another controversial topic about prejudices… “the caste system” in India…of course a lot has been written and discussed about the evils of this system and I need not delve into it further…just the other day, we were having a discussion among friends that transitorily dwelled on the caste system in India…that discussion, though short and of no specific significance, provoked me to go back and rummage my old diaries for tid bits of some of my teenage year conversations with my grandparents and parents about religion, faith and social stratification…

Born into a family which has never encouraged discrimination based on culture, religion or any such other societal divides, for the major part of my life I have been quite oblivious to the burden/superficialities that the belief in the caste system entails. Though no one I know endorses the system in black and white, over the years I have heard a lot of people say that the origin of the system lies in/is endorsed in the Vedas…

I have always been skeptical about this myth though, because my granddad always used to say that the Vedas do not endorse a specific religion or classification of humanity…they talk about a way of life …a culture…

So I did my bit of research and am I glad that my belief about the tolerance of the thoughts articulated in the Vedas and of Hinduism as a culture was proved correct!!!

The Vedas say and I quote, “‘Janma Jaat Shudra Sarve, Karmenu Brahman Bhavati”…this means, by birth all human beings are born inferior and it’s only ones deeds or “karma” that go on to determining how great or superior a human being grows up to be…


I wouldn’t claim to have read the Vedas or the Bhagavad Gita to completion…may be some day I will…but I am sure all scriptures of faith including the Quran, Guru Granth Sahib, the Bible and all others have the same thing to say about human kind….it’s just us lesser mortals, who have a way of reading between the lines in support of some of our prejudices…

I visit temples and love the feeling and the sense of inner strength that permeates me when the chanting of Sanskrit mantras reach a crescendo, I enjoy the serenity and peace that envelopes me when I pray in a Church, I am filled with an unsurpassed feeling of hope as I light candles in a dargah…and I am sure as and when I do visit a gurudwara and other sites of worship, I will be filled with similar thoughts and feelings…

All faiths, at the core, have the same things to say…to nurture respect and tolerance for others, to be humble, to appreciate the dignity of labor, to live and let live…

Life is, after all, far too short and beautiful to burden it with notions of “Us” and “Them”…

Athos, Porthos, Aramis and the spirit of Slumdog Millionaire

This one's been long due:-)...now with the movie nominated in 10 Oscar categories and tipped to win the best picture by a lot of critics, I do have to pitch in with my two cents as well...he..he..he...specially with all the hoopla surrounding it about whether India, as a country , has been represented "appropriately" in the context of the movie...

We watched Slumdog Millionaire about two months back during the phase of its limited release in the US...

I personally loved the movie...I always do love "feel good" movies...those that make you sit at the edge of your seat at the theatre and cheer the protagonist till he/she achieves what he/she set out to achieve or just dreamt of achieving in the first place...movies that can make you choke with emotion but at the same time make you want to stand up and applaud at the end, for they symbolize and represent hope, love and the resilience of the human spirit...

When I got out of the theatre after watching Slumdog Millionaire, let's say this, I felt cheered and had a smile on my face...it was ,after all, a very well made movie...great cinematography, screenplay, dialogues and not to forget A. R. Rehman's melodious, soul stirring music...a movie that represented the spirit of humanity...frankly speaking, at that point of time, that's really all that I cared about...

Then of course, as the movie gained popularity and moved on to become a full fledged commercial release, there were these plethora of debates and blog posts by anyone even remotely associated with India about whether the country has been "appropriately" represented in the context of the movie. There were statements made by Indian celebrities tagging the movie with as creepy terms as " poverty porn"…all because a relatively mid budget movie, with relatively unknown faces in Hollywood/Bollywood in the cast, directed by a British director, based
on a book by an Indian diplomat, had gone on to capture and hold the attention of global audiences...

I had a lot of arguments with friends who were of the opinion that despite being a good movie, Slumdog Millionaire was misrepresenting India to the global audiences...after all India is not all about poverty and slums etc. etc...I differed from them as far as the point of view of “misrepresentation of India” is concerned and frankly speaking, I don't think I am any less patriotic because of that :-)

What really is the "appropriate'” representation of India...I personally don’t have an answer to that...

After all, India is as much about people still living below poverty line, about the thousands of slums like " Dharavi" spread all over the country, about religious riots, about children being forced into beggary, about young minds being drawn into crime for survival, as it is about people like you and me, who have been fortunate enough to be born into educated, middle class / upper middle class families, who are in a way driving the nation's economy and are the face of the progressive India,so to say. It's my belief that the sooner we realize and accept this fact, the more effective the inherent patriotism in each one of us will be in making a difference in the lives of those less privileged…

Who are we to question the creativity of a movie maker who chooses the poverty stricken life of the Indian slums as a backdrop to represent the resilience of the human spirit. Just as Italy and the Italian people are not all about the “mafia” just because a lot of movies have “Italian mafiadom” as a backdrop…so is India not all about poverty and slums just because the context of Slumdog Millionaire has the poor India as it’s backdrop…


Slumdog Millionaire is all about the human spirit…about resilience …about love….about friendship…about fragile human relationships…about being at the right place at the right time and witnessing one's destiny being moulded…

After all, for all fortunate Anil and Mukesh Ambanis of the world, who are born into luxury and given the baton of carrying forth a legacy, there is a Dhirubhai Ambani who had persevered, worked hard, been resilient through failures, loved and hated and been at the right place at the right time many a time, to build an empire, which many of us believe is one of the representations of the spirit of the progressive India….

So as a run up to the Oscars, let’s celebrate the spirit of Slumdog Millionaire and what Alexander Dumas’ fictitious characters of Athos, Porthos and Aramis have been teaching us about the human spirit for decades…

A life defining moment...

D and I celebrated our third wedding anniversary last month...

We met for the first time more than 13 years back in high school...

D says I was definitely not his idea of a date or mate then... apparently I was far too tomboyish and nerdy for his liking...grrrrrrr...does the feminist in me cringe at the expression of such an obnoxious thought..of course it does:-)...but then it doesn't take much for the romantic in me to quickly take over and make me smile, as in the same breath D also describes in the minutest of detail where, when, how we first met and even what conversations we had...not just that, he vividly remembers our second, third, fourth and all the other " uneventful" encounters in high school... and before I can go on a rampage complaining and giving him 'feministic fundas', he is quick to remind me that he kind of made up for all the initial “explicit” lack of attention towards me, in high school, by pursuing me relentlessly for two years during our undergrad before I finally committed to a relationship...

Jokes apart, it was one long courtship before we finally got married...but against all odds , get married we did...and surprisingly enough, the odds that we faced were not the stereotypical “Indian family opposition” kind of issues...it was more the choices we made...like deciding to live in two different countries immediately after completing our undergrad…I am sure a lot of people would agree that a three year long distance relationship is a big enough "odd" to create raucous, rifts and drifts in any romance...

I would be lying if I claimed that there were absolutely no points during that three year phase when we were beginning to drift...for there were plenty...but each time we managed to get back together, primarily because at the bottom of the relationship we shared and share to date is a friendship that enables us to communicate our fears, apprehensions, insecurities and doubts to each other…all without the nagging apprehension of being judged unfairly…and I am eternally grateful to God for that…

Anyways, I have this habit of going back and looking at old photographs every once in a while and just the day before our anniversary I was having one of these photograph viewing sessions …pictures with family and friends at different stages of life, childhood in Shillong, high school in Guwahati, undergrad in Trichy, work in Bangalore, 2002-2003 Europe, 2003 US trip to visit D, D’s grad school days in North Carolina, Richmond, my grad school days in Maryland, our wedding in Guwahati, honeymoon in Venice, our ‘n’ number of vacations together, good times with friends and family…needless to say, it made me nostalgic…those memories made me wonder if there was any specific moment, incident or day that has defined and gone a long way in determining the way the last decade of my life, in general, and my relationship with D, in specific, has shaped out…

Oddly enough, my thoughts took me back to a moment on my fourth day in the ‘Opal’ girls hostel in REC Trichy…that’s where I studied for my undergraduate degree in Engineering…

If a nice relaxing vacation is what you are looking for,Trichy is definitely not
the place to go :-)...nevertheless, the four years I spent in this small university town in Tamil Nadu has gone a long way in defining my life so far....

Those were the days of boring lectures, cycling around campus in the scorching heat, inedible mess food, three day second class train journeys back home for vacation...

I vividly remember, on the 4th day of my stay in the hostel, after a long session of getting ragged and subsequently weeping into my pillow :-((, I had packed my bags and was all set to return home to Guwahati....my hostel senior, who was supposed to escort me to the phone booth to make the fateful call to my parents, sat me down in her room and just said one thing "Suck up the stress for a couple of more weeks and you will not regret it"....

That moment there, when I made the conscious choice to stay on, and the four years thereafter have defined my life on the personal as well as professional front.....life was never the same again…. life long bonds and friendships were formed with people from all across the country as each one of us struggled to fit in ... cupid struck and turned into a blissful long term commitment …

Big dreams...uncertainty...trials...tribulations ...joys...sorrows...night outs...weekend trips...heartbreaks...love...parties...failures …accomplishments ...all contributing to an exciting journey leading to where I am today...

I strongly believe that our lives are stamped with defining moments that mark our memories, guide our futures and define us as individuals and in a weird kind of way, that simple choice I made that day to stay back and continue at REC Trichy laid the foundation of my relationship with D …as both of us struggled to fit into a new way of life, we developed a bond and connection stronger than any I have known…had I chosen to return back home to Guwahati that day, I cannot even imagine what life would have been like for both of us…

Thereafter both of us have been confronted with a lot of choices and moments which had the potential of making or marring our relationship…but none had the potential of affecting the direction of my life and my connection with D the way that nondescript moment in REC Trichy did…

D and I continue to have our fair share of tiffs, arguments, disagreements and vicious fights on big issues and small…but I know one thing for sure that my life with him in the past decade has made me grow and evolve into a better, well rounded human being…I won’t take the liberty to speak for D in this space…but if he also does feel the same, I think the past decade has been well spent by both of us 

As for what the future holds for us, it’s really not for us to speculate or for others to judge :-)…so here’s a toast to the years we’ve been together…