Monday, April 6, 2015

Being comfortable in one's own skin...

I believe , the most important lesson that a parent can possibly try to imbibe in a child is to be comfortable in his/her own skin. It's a really tough lesson to impart, but if, as parents, we succeed in achieving that, I believe it's the first and most important lesson in enabling a child to lead a life unfettered by complexes and is the one and only ingredient that will enable our little ones to truly bask in the joy of living.

To keep it very simple, from what it appears to me, the very basic trait of a person who is comfortable in his/her own skin is the ability to have a hearty laugh at himself/herself! It may sound odd that I say it, but without this very basic sense of humor, it is really not possible to be comfortable in one's own skin. In addition to this quality, such a person generally:
- Has the ability to embrace his/her uniqueness and associated quirks
- Doesn't nurture stereotypical  notions of body image...You know the drill, "Thin is good...fat is bad.".   That of course doesn't imply that the person is not aware of the benefits of generally being healthy.  What it does mean is that being a size '0' and having a thin waist or a good physique is not the primary driver in his/her life. A few pounds here and there need not result in bouts of anorexia.
- Doesn't nurture stereotypical notions of culture or indulge in prejudices...You know the drill..."Asians do this, so that... African Americans do this, so that...White Americans do this, so that" etc. etc. This doesn't mean the person  does not attempt to understand differences in culture, what it does mean is that the person accepts the 'good'  and 'bad' of different cultures and basks in the glory of diversity rather than spending time slotting people, being prejudiced and giving preferential treatment.
- Doesn't nurture stereotypical notions of social, economic and intellectual disparities. Such a person is very comfortable   interacting with people belonging to different sections of society without  being arrogant/insecure about one's own pre-conceived notion of 'superiority'/'inferiority'. Such people are able to absorb life lessons like a sponge through interactions with people across diverse sections of the society.
- Has the confidence to stand up for himself/herself and others when the need arises, if that seems to be the right thing to do, without unduly weighing gains and losses to oneself. Can fight 'his/her' own battles and  make 'his/her' point without using anyone else as a shield.

Essentially a person comfortable in his/her own skin is secure, content, is able to bask in the glory of life experiences and is confident of making the most of what life has to give him/her....which in turn, I am assuming translates to happiness?! Such a person is tolerant and easy-going and doesn't feel the need to indulge in pettiness to fit into stereotypical moulds or to please people.

What about the traits of people who don't seem comfortable in their own skin:
-Inability to laugh at oneself.  Not to say there is a complete lack of a sense of humour. It's just that often times the inability to laugh at oneself is accompanied by a sense of humour that is furtive and know the kinds who get  huge kicks out of  laughing behind people's backs, without having the guts to laugh on anyone's face!
-Driven by stereotypical notions of body image
-Driven by stereotypical notions of culture and hence often indulge in prejudices.
-Driven by stereotypical notions of social, economic and intellectual disparities. And hence find it very difficult to adapt to sections of society where 'he/she' doesn't think 'he/she' belongs. More often than not 'arrogant/insecure' in interactions. More often than not, very judgemental.
-Often fiercely competitive about every aspect of life. Not to say, these folks are not good at what they do, but are extremely  competitive nevertheless and have an inherent urge to be one up on others, all the time. Some may say, that's needed to survive in today's world. Killer instinct, it is called. Oh well!
-People pleasers. They often do anything that's needed to please the people/section of the society they think they will benefit from or they want to fit into. Change colors as often as needed
-Never content with what they have. Always in search of something more. A 'better' house...a 'better' car...a 'better' dress ...a 'better' friend...maybe even a 'better' husband/wife:). Some may say, it's motivation to 'do'/'achieve' something 'better'.Oh well!! :)
-Never able to stand up for oneself or for others, without having something "major" to gain from it. Oh well, isn't that the way the world rolls!!Perhaps!

Either way, for a person not comfortable in his/her own skin , it is a life-long search for the next 'better' thing to fit into a 'stereotype' and life often ends up being full of complexes and insecurities.

Being comfortable in one's own skin isn't easy, but if you are , you are one of the really fortunate ones! It is also something that cannot be consciously taught to a child, without living and breathing it in your own day to day life. So here's to bringing up children who are comfortable in their own skin and enabling them to bask in the glory of all that life has to offer!

1 comment:

NetworkedBlogsViaFacebook said...

Dipanjan Das,
Rashmita Bardalai Chelleng,
Dehu Rajkhowa,
Manisha Sarma,
Preetam Rajkhowa like this


Tapati Sharma:

Good observations

April 7 at 1:49am

Priyanka Rajkhowa:

Thanks Tops!;) Hope all's well?!

April 7 at 7:43am