Friday, June 26, 2015

The pros and cons of 'being different'...

So yesterday, a very close friend of mine, 'M', called me from India and she started with "Chints, I need to vent". She is one of the few friends I have a "no holds barred" relationship with. Over the years, I have learnt to brace myself into the therapist, philosopher, guide mode as soon as I hear the words, 'I need to vent'.  Jokes aside, she was in the middle of some nasty office politics along with some social life drama, that had made her really jittery and upset. I of course, used my usual way of rationalizing 'people' behavior, trying to make her understand that it's ok to give people the benefit of the doubt once in a while, while preparing oneself to  keep a safe distance from them as soon as streaks of meanness and interference grow to more than a semblance.  I believe that's the best way to protect oneself from getting hurt, while still maintaining a reasonably amicable relationship with the person/people concerned. Of course, it's tougher in the office/work scenario, given that you cannot afford to become invisible by mentally pushing yourself/others to the periphery, in an effort to maintain an amicable  relationship. I do believe, however, it's much easier in the  social scenario, specially when it involves people one has known only for a few years. They shouldn't be given more attention than they deserve. Childhood friends and family are the only ones worth putting in a fight for.

After an hour long conversation, she seemed to have calmed down enough and the conversation moved on to other topics. At the end of the conversation, 'M' just said,'Thank God for you in my life!You always calm me down.You know na you are different'. I could visualize her smile at her end and it made me smile too. I knew what she meant. Haven't I heard that often enough..."You are different"...different because apparently I demonstrate incredible amount of (some of my friends often say, 'undeserved') patience and tolerance in dealing with people and their mean streaks that surface in different ways...folks would really have to pin me to the wall and have me pinned there for sometime, before seeing me lash out in any form, if at all...different because apparently I am not a people pleaser...different because apparently I never feel the need to suck up to anyone or put on  pretenses...different because apparently I come across as very confident and secure in my relationships...different because apparently I have the capability to let go of relationships that are not  working without much ado about them...different because I have this uncanny ability to either mentally pull myself out into the periphery or push relationships/people to the periphery, without feeling the need to be in the centre of it all, while still having amicable relationships.Of course, the downside of 'being different' in these contexts is that often times, it gets construed as aloofness, snobbery by folks who don't know you well also more often than not results in being taken for sometimes folks keeping you pinned to the wall for longer that you can tolerate:(. Oh well, that comes with the territory.

But what folks often miss is that, 'being different' in these contexts is more often than not a conscious choice. The core of emotions that all people go through in being treated 'un fairly/badly' is always the same. It's the same for me's the same for you. But over a period of time, partly due to my inherent personality, partly due to my upbringing, partly due to my early exposure to different kinds of people and flavors of personalities as part of my college/hostel life, I have realized that 'being different' in all the above mentioned ways is not all that bad. It just means you would end up with a few very close
relationships in life that would be 'keepers' for life...all other relationships would be peripheral, but it would be your choice to give them just enough importance or not enough importance so that they bring joy to your life, rather than stress and disappointment:)

On a lighter note, madam Raya asked me this morning if my office was a 'play office' like her 'play school'...oh well I definitely wish it was. It was 'Share and Show' day in school for her today, and she was insisting that I get a toy from home to share in my 'play office' with my friends. Oh well. With all the thunderstorms hitting the Washinghton DC area, these hot summer evenings, madam Raya is also fascinated by clouds. Leaving you with a clip of what she has to say about clouds.

1 comment:

NetworkedblogsviaFacebook said...

Dipanjan Das,
Roopa Kadiyala,
Anuroopa Thangaraja,
Gautam Rajkhowa,
Dehu Rajkhowa,
Shabana Nazim,
Preetam Rajkhowa,
Priyanka Baruah Ramkumar,
Bosky Mukherjee,
Sanchita Bhattacharya,
Madhabi Taneja,
Ankita Deka,
Jan Goswami,
Taiho Osurman like this


Shabana Nazim:

So beautifully written!

June 27 at 10:26am

Sanchita Bhattacharya:

Beautiful...enjoyed a lot

June 26 at 7:59pm

Gautam Rajkhowa Priyanka Rajkhowa ook ok Now .... Put on the TV !!!!! Maane ekdom beeh gooti!

June 27 at 4:34am

Priyanka Rajkhowa:

Tell me about it Papu K! Too big a beeh gooti:) Already tough to win an argument with her. Wonder what DD and I have in store for us in the future LOL!

June 27 at 5:08am

Priyanka Rajkhowa:

Thanks folks !

June 27 at 10:25am

Roopa Kadiyala:

Sooo adorable!! smile emoticon

June 27 at 1:07pm