Baby 'RAYAN' and ramblings from these last few months...

I wrote this blogpost a little more than 4 years back when little Ms Raya was almost 5 months old. She is ready to start Kindergarten this September...but apparently, in her own words, she instead wants to be a 'teenager' soon...LOL...it's a different thing that she assumes any kid a couple of years older than her is a 'teenager'(wonder where she learnt that word from and what she assumes, becoming a teenager will entail)...I, on the other hand, am looking for a magic potion to make the years with the little ones stall or at least go by a wee bit more slower...Oh well!

Our second little munchkin, Rayan, turned 5 months old last week...yes you heard right, the names are 'Raya' and 'Rayan', indeed...I was given ample warning by 'D' that the names are too similar...but, oh well... I really liked the sound and vibe of it...'Rayan'...short, simple yet eloquent. In Persian, 'Rayan means 'the wise', in Sanskrit it means 'noble'/'little prince', in old British English, it means 'brilliant' and in Jewish, it means 'graceful'. It, of course, remains to be seen,
whether the various interpretations of his name will bear any relevance to the individual he grows up to become...that, only time will tell...we will just have to wait and watch...

As for us, for now, we are busy 'many fold', if I may call it that...but more relaxed, as parents...
I feel that's the 'second child syndrome'...you are just not as paranoid about each little runny nose , poop or sneeze as you were the first time around with your first born...life, for now, is filled with the smiles, babbles, coos, rolls, twists and not to forget drool and wet diapers of a 5 month old together with the laughter, chatter, somersaults, words of wisdom and tantrums of a 4.5 year old...yes, life is super busy...but life is blessed...

As for the 'Raya-Rayan' dynamics, let's just say the 'love' is beginning to finally flow after a tumultuous, initial few months of insecurity that 'big' sister Raya seemed to be going
through, despite the fact that more of our attention was focussed on making her feel comfortable and happy, since Rayan came along. Oh well, you will never know what goes through a 4 year old's mind when she  has to share all the people, love, affection and things she has ever known with another little creature... and this time not just for a 'playdate' :)... All well now,though...big sister Raya has her own ways of showing affection to her little brother, 'Rayan' (I will not claim to approve of all her ways of demonstrating affection, though, lol), but the affection is there, growing and flowing...so that's something to be elated about :)

On the work front, I am back at work and working on a really  exciting project...so that makes staying away from my little baby just a little bit more easier...

On another note , the last month and a half has been a wake up call for me...three weeks of undiagnosed, high fevers that would come back every evening and just didn't seem to want
to go away...it was scary, to say the least...but for now, the fever is gone and hasn't come back for a couple of weeks...touch wood...the wake up call was needed though to put things in perspective...to count the blessings...to re-focus on things that should matter and things that shouldn't...

On yet another note, my folks left last week after spending 5 months with us...We were lucky to have them be a part of some important life events, including Rayan's birth and a move to a new home. Miss them a lot.... the kiddos miss them even more... but then we do have to learn to live life, being just the four of us!! That's how it just is and will be... just feel happy and blessed to have them be a part of these precious life milestones.

So that's that...now...I was writing thank you notes to Raya and Rayan's teachers yesterday, the week being teacher appreciation week and for a change, I was not using key strokes to write that up...was putting a pen to paper...trying to write something warm and nice to some affectionate and lovely caretakers  in what I wanted to be a 'beautiful' handwriting...I was aghast, when I was struggling to keep the handwriting even legible and decent...it was eons away from 'beautiful'...and like it often does on such occasions, I was struck with a stab of pain...what a loss...I am sure, it's not me alone, who feels the loss of the 'art of calligraphy' with this stab of pain...an art that had and in fact, still has the power to make or mar my day...let's just say I am one of those 'mushies' who can be made to feel warm and fuzzy by a hand written note...ok ok...of course, I am not talking about the handwritten post-it notes, which are written and re-written with a never ending compilation of to-do tasks...neither am I talking about all those tid-bits of hand written wrotes lying around at my work desk...stuff that I tend to jot down involuntarily, as I think through an analysis or design, at work...I am talking about that little handwritten 'thank you' note, 'birthday wish' or a simple 'thinking of you' note that can convey more than the million words we may type out in emails, text messages and IMs...primarily driven by the overabundance of technological gadgets and  the overall 'taking over of life' by technology...that's that...

But then early this morning, before leaving for day care, when I saw the eyes of my kids light up, as they interacted with their grandparents on Skype, when I saw just a little bit of the 'pain of parting' being taken away by that instantaneous connection that technology provided...when I saw the eyes of the grandparents brighten, as they interacted with their grandchildren, with the realization that life will not pass them by, as the kids grow up...with the realization that they can still be a part and parcel of every little moment of their grandchildrens' life, even though physically thousands of miles away...again primarily being driven by technology and the overall 'taking over of life' by technology...it all fell into place, like it always does:)...I had written a blogpost on similar lines, almost 7 years back (wow I have managed to keep this blog alive huh for that long,  lol)...Jokes apart, the last line of that post sums it up really well...'After all, it’s just that in the circle of life, whether we like it or not, we lose something to find something else'…

On that note and feeling less guilty now, of course :),  about maintaining a web journal, rather than a paper journal, I am back to blogosphere.

Happy Friday folks!
 

The lure of the road...

We just got back last Friday evening from a week long road trip...this time we started from home in Northern Virginia and the destination was Canada, more specifically the cities of Montreal and Quebec in the Quebec province of Canada. The trip started with the re-discovery of a 'much lost' music CD that 'magically' worked...one that 'D' and I had literally listened to in repeat mode on our first road trip together 12 years back (a trip that had taken us from the glam and glitter of New York City to the calm and placidity of the Florida keys)...The trip ended with this gorgeous view of the sun setting over the horizon as the road met the sky in the last leg of our week long road trip...what better way to end a road trip and to ensure the 'lure of the road' continues to persist!

On our way to Montreal, the pit stops in the first leg of our journey were Hershey's chocolate world in Pennsylvania, Niagara Falls in Ontario, Canada and Cobourg, Canada. For someone who was introduced to American chocolates with the Hershey's miniatures and almond kisses, the chocolate world was quite a treat. We went on a tour of the chocolate factory and got a sense of the chocolate making process, something that Raya seemed to keenly enjoy as well. As far as Niagara Falls is concerned, we had already seen the falls from the US side. This was our first time, viewing it from the Canadian side. While the beauty of the falls itself is unparalleled and the 'Maid of the mist'/'Hornblower' cruises give you an amazing feel of the aura and majesty associated with the falls, I am not a big fan of all the 'touristyness' and commercialization in the town of Niagara on both the US and the Canadian sides. Raya, however, had an absolute blast at the 'Maid of the mist'/'Hornblower' cruise that took us to the base of the falls and  she definitely didn't want to come back. Coubourg is a small,quaint, cute little Canadian town we stopped at for lunch...quaint, road side tea rooms and mom and pop cafes abound here, lining the narrow streets...a very strong British influence is apparent in the ways of the people there, like much of the province of Ontario.

'Jazzy' Montreal, on the other hand, is steeped in French culture. The official language of the city is French...all road signs are in French...Creperies abound...meals are relaxed and unhurried...the city is steeped in a culture of music and art...most other things are just like the French like to do it......the old town, with cobbled walkways, boutique shops and some really great restaurants, is beautiful and again oozes that quaint European feel. We stayed in a row home  in the Plateau neighborhood of Montreal...cobbled streets, beautiful row homes with multi colored facades, each with a 'Juliet' balcony, lined with maple trees on either side of the road...interspersed with small tea rooms, quaint bars and cozy restaurants...charming, cozy and romantic...Absolutely loved the city and we were lucky to be blessed with great weather for the 3 days we spent there.
  

 

We spent a day in Quebec City. This is the capital of the Canadian province of Quebec. Located on the bank of the St. Lawrence river, this city was one of the oldest European settlements in North America. It has the feel of the quintessential small French town...hilly terrain, on the bank of the river, cobbled streets, boutique shops, creperies, folks sitting around and chatting unhurriedly, under the shade of the abundance of maple trees that line the streets...it's one of those places that fills you with that absolute sense of calm and serenity.


Needless to say, while in Quebec, we hogged on 'Poutine' :). Poutine  is a Canadian dish, originating in the province of Quebec, made with french fries and cheese curds topped with a light brown gravy-like sauce.

On our way back from Canada, we made a pit stop at Princeton. We caught up with some of 'D''s relatives and spent a few hours, strolling around the Princeton University campus. We went on a walking tour of the campus and our student guide, Jake (an undergrad at the Univ), gave us a great feel of the history of the college and the approach to academics that the university pursues. I have to admit, I am one of those people who dread the thought of ever getting back to academics, as much as I used to love it at one point of time and had almost made it a career. But I won't hesitate to say that the charm and aura associated with the students
and campus of Princeton University, made me, if only for a wee bit, fall back in love with the thought of getting back to academics...Oh well...I am afraid it's too late for that now :)

So that's that...we got back home to Northern Virginia just in time to celebrate munchkin turning 4...time flies and it brings a lump to my throat, each time I think of how quickly time is whizzing past...but yes, it has been 4 years already indeed :(

On a slightly different note...it has been 4 years...4 continents ...4 road trips for little Raya:) . In the process of all this travelling around, either 'D' and I have succeeded in sowing the seed of the love for travel in her, or for all you know, all the traveling  may have had a completely contradictory effect on her psyche LOL...what the effect has been on Raya of all the travel these last four years, only time will tell...but as the lure of the road persists for us, we nurture dreams and hopes of many, many more road trips and travel, in general, with our teenie, weenie
companion...who will hopefully grow up to nurture this 'love' for travel and the desire to explore new places, cuisines and cultures, as much as 'D' and I do.

Leaving you with a few pictures of snippets of memories from this road trip...

 

Musical bliss, kiddo transitions and more...

I am currently hooked to the music of Passenger, the stage name for Michael Rosenberg, who is an English folk rock singer  and songwriter. My brother,Ash,introduced me to his music a couple of weeks back and since then I have been hooked to his music, specifically the numbers "Let her go", " Wrong direction" and "Holes". It's a soulful blend of melody, words and meaning, that's quite unsurpassable. So that's that! On another note, musical bliss has been further enhanced by the realization that my little munchkin's taste in music has begun to match mine...Yes, finally!!:)

Till about a couple of weeks back, the song requests that came in from Raya were primarily for Nursery rhymes, cheesy Bollywood item numbers :), Katy Perry's Roar and Mark Ronson's Uptown Funk. I was getting quite tired of the monotonous musical routine. As much as I love Bollywood and peppy Katy Perry and Taylor Swift songs, the music routine at home and in the car was becoming a drag. So now it's a welcome reprieve, when added to that mix, I hear Raya say, "Mamma, put your favorite songs, 'Running in the wrong direction' and 'Hole in the pocket'". When I asked her, "Have these songs become your favorite too?" She replied with quite an emphatic "Yes". "'See you again' is my favorite too", she further chimed in. Not bad, I thought to myself. Wiz Khalifa's tribute to
Paul Walker being in my current list of fav 5s:) So that's that....quite a change from the last time we spoke of the state of music in our home(http://www.sliceoflife-priyanka.blogspot.com/2013_03_01_archive.html)

On another note, the onset of the month of September comes with it's own share of excitement for the family...primarily being driven by Raya's excitement . So yesterday, as soon as I picked her up from day care, munchkin was all agog with excitement, "Mamma, tomorrow is September. My birthday is coming up. I will be a big girl". Oh well, it's been a while since I was so excited about
becoming a "bigger girl" LOL...but either way kiddo excitement can be quite infectious. So that's that.

Yes, munchkin turns 4 in a couple of weeks...it's always a bitter, sweet feeling...the thrill of seeing your kiddo grow up and dealing with the pang of sorrow associated with your kiddo growing up way too fast. She starts pre-Kindergarten in a couple of weeks. Raya has been going to day care/play school since she was 8 months old. Of course it's a very young age to send a child to day care/play school. While it was the toughest decision I have had to make, I realized early enough I would be doing  her more harm than good, by quitting work and staying at home. I have never quite had the 'stay at home mom' kind of personality. Need my daily dose of adult interaction. And not just that, there's an inherent need in me to keep myself  abreast with what's happening in my line of work, which is close to impossible in the technology arena without actually having hands on experience. It was the toughest decision I have ever had to make. It was made tougher by the fact that more people had negative and horror stories to narrate about children going to day care/play school before the age of  1.5-2.0 years than happy stories. While my family was pretty supportive, there were quite a few people raising eyebrows at the decision...all I could do was pray that it was the right decision.

These past three and half years, we have been blessed to have Raya under the care of some really good teachers and caretakers. And our decision to send Raya to day care that early on, while I went back to work, wouldn't have been validated and deemed correct, without all the love
and affection that they have showered on her these last three years. She is attached to her teachers as well as friends and extended family, beyond DD and I, and I believe her emotional development has , if anything at all, been enhanced by her past three years of pre-school experience. Sometimes I wonder, if we will continue to be as lucky with teachers and schooling in the years to come...that would require some really good fortune...but there's no harm hoping for the best, I guess!

So a few weeks back, we had a parent teacher's meeting with Raya's preschool teacher. It went well. I was quite amazed by some of the things that these kids are exposed to and learn in school at such a young age. Towards the end of the meeting, I asked Raya's teacher, "So is there anything you think we should be specifically doing and teaching at home, to help her growth and development". The answer was simple, but even in it's simplicity, made my eyes water and I had to really put in an effort not to break down. Now I come from a family with very active tear glands LOL...so over a period of time, I have had to make conscious efforts to maintain stoicity in the most adverse situations in public. Fortunately, I have, more or less, mastered that art over a period of time. Emotional outbursts and tears these days are confined to the walls of the home, more often than not, and to movie theatres,  LOL. In response to my question, what Raya's teacher said was as simple as," Oh just continue doing whatever  you are doing at home. You  guys are definitely doing a lot of things right for her to have grown up to be the girl she is !" A bit embarrased for letting my emotions out with  my watery eyes,on my way back  from the meeting, I wondered what the reason was for getting suddenly emotional. As I thought about it more, I realized it all boiled down to that  decision we made more than three years back  to send  an 8 month old little Raya to play school 5 days a week, away from the 'security' and 'warmth', more often than not, only associated with  home. I realized the  statement made by Raya's teacher was a positive validation of that decision made more than 3 years back to which without my realizing it, a  phlethora of pent up emotions  had been associated.

Either way, I plan to keep this on the record:) As small as it was, I am under no illusion that such validations will be frequent or lasting. As the years go by, I am sure there will be more and more situations when Raya and others will question our parenting decisions...God forbid, even despise us for some...That's when I want to pull this record out to make ourselves feel better with this small validation that not all our parenting decisions early on in Raya's life were bad!:)

On a side note, 'D' says my blog has become a 'mommy' blog and I should start writing about other stuff...Oh well, the role of Mommyhood prevails at this point of time...but I promise to come back with something else sometime soon!

Happy Tuesday folks! Leaving you with a picture of some kiddo artwork...

The laughter, joy, frustration ,exhaustion...and everything in between...

I started writing this as a comment to a related post by Indian American Mom, a fellow mommy blogger, but then realized maybe it deserved a post of it's own, after all...a post that I could come back to when I am dealing with teenage tantrums, or when I feel that what I wrote here doesn't hold true anymore, or perhaps even later in life, when I am old and wobbly(if I end up living that long enough:)) and have nothing much to keep me company other than these printed words on this web journal, to help re live life's little moments!

So in her post, what Indian American Mom, essentially says is that the phase in which her two kids currently are(ages 7 and 9 respectively), seem to be the best phase of parenting, with reference to her experiences and life. That got me thinking. While I don't have as much parenting experience as her to correlate and compare with, nevertheless how do I feel really about the different phases of parenting
our little munchkin, who is turning 4 in a couple of months and who is the cause of all the chaos as well as laughter in the household. Well let' see...

When Raya was a baby, her baby rolls, chubbiness and cuddliness made me feel 'that' was the best phase of parenting, despite all the frustration that zillions of dirty diapers and lack of sleep, would often bring on. Oh tell me about baby tummy rolls, thigh rolls and chubby cheeks. All those little babies of  family and friends have been at the receiving end of cheeks being pulled, many a time by yours truly, of course...Needless to say, much to the consternation of the little ones and parents alike, LOL...so now, I always have to be careful...you know what I mean ...to avoid those rolling eyes:)...But, of course, there was no one to roll their eyes at me as far as my own little baby was concerned...so I pulled her cheeks, huddled and cuddled my little one to absolutely my hearts content! Other than the travails of pumping breast milk in lieu of nursing, 'this'(1-6 month) phase was great, given that we could still do a lot of the things that we did as family...dine out, a bit of travel etc. etc....all that we needed was a handy 'pacifier' to continue doing all the things we wanted...now, now...don't roll your eyes again...yes, I am indeed a 'pacifier giving' kind of mom...only by a miracle of God,  did we manage to wean Raya off the pacifier at age 1. So all is well :)

The phase between 6 months and 2 years, when the smiles came on galore and the interaction increased significantly, I felt 'that' was the best phase of parenting, despite all the fatigue and exhaustion that her increased level of crawling/walking and other activities entailed.

The phase between 2  to 3 years was a mixed bag indeed...the intermittent tantrums...potty training exercises...and so much more...but nevertheless, the increased level of interaction/chattiness/toddler insights and just the excitement of seeing little munchkin grow, made everything worthwhile.

Now that she is a chatty 'almost' 4 year old, I feel ' this' is the best phase of parenting...there is entertainment galore at home with non-stop chats...it's a different thing that 'D' and I often feel the need to put on ear plugs/turn a deaf ear to all the 'why/where/ how?' questions. Also while she is semi-independent in keeping herself entertained, we more often than not have to be a part of her games and, of course, read the same book for the zillionth time. But that's that. There has been many a time, when stress at home has been dissipated by roars of laughter brought on by Raya 'lingo'. Among others, here are some recent tid bits:

Raya: (While playing a board game) "Mamma, baba doesn't follow the rules of the game. Can you ask him to read the construction on the box?" LOL...'construction', of course, is meant to translate to 'instruction':)

Raya:(Looking at the pictures of a mythological tale) "Baba, what is Krishna's dad wearing?"
Raya's Baba: "It's called a 'dhoti', Raya, in Hindi"
Raya: "Oh alright, he is wearing a 'dhotty'"

Yours truly:"Raya, what are you and Baba making for breakfast today?"
Raya:"We are making egg 'rotty', mamma" ...egg 'rotty' is of course supposed to mean egg roti...the Indian equivalent of a French toast.

Raya: (Wrapping up a pretend conversation on the phone)..."Ok ok...that's fine...teek hai...teek hai...bye!"...('Teek hai' is meant to mean 'Theek hain' in Hindi and translates to 'OK' in English. And for all those, who are aware of my skill with the Hindi lingo also  know how many times in a conversation I use 'theek hain') ...so now, we know where she gets that from LOL.

So essentially entertainment galore and  she is fortunately still at the stage when she still cares to listen to what we have to say, despite having extremely strong 'toddler' opinions about everything on the planet, that she has happened to hear about!

I guess it is really wishful thinking that I will feel the same during her teenage years(as in teenage years being the 'best' phase of parenting...never heard any parent say that, have you?)... can only hope, pray and just wait for time to tell...But at the very least, every phase of parenting is indeed that complex, overwhelming and exhilarating combination of joy, love, frustration, exhaustion and everything in between, that I think probably very few things in the world can match, if there is anything at all out there that can come close to matching it!:)

Happy Thursday folks. The weekend is almost here!

Board games and toddler lessons...

I have never been a big fan of any specific board game other than scrabble and chess...the love for scrabble and chess being primarily due to  nostalgia associated with the times spent with grandparents and extended family, playing these on many a Sunday afternoon. The dislike for the broader genre of board games has been primarily due to the fact that as an adult, in a social environment, I have often observed that the competition and aggressiveness associated with the desire to win a game, specifically the so called 'strategy' games often takes the charm away from a perfectly enjoyable social evening. I have also often noticed that  the lure of these games, socially, results in folks being more interested in knowing about  the strategies a specific person used in a game in the past few  meetings, rather than  the more important and real things going on in their lives, at a personal level. That's a big turn off for me sometimes . I would much rather spend an evening chatting with a friend about the going ons in life and learn a few life lessons from shared and individual experiences rather than sitting at a table, playing a  strategy board game, manipulating or getting manipulated by another player :). Sometimes the line between strategy and manipulation in these 'big kid/adult' board games seems too thin for my liking. But that's just me being me:).To each his own, of course! Either way, I will have  to caveat this with the fact that I do acknowledge that, when played in the right spirit, there are a lot of skills that we can consciously and subconsciously imbibe from playing board games...diplomacy, goal setting, creative problem solving, the habit of abiding by rules, judicious risk management and just the simple fact of life that you win some and you lose some..to name just a few!

I have also realized that the benefits of board games and the skills that one can imbibe from playing board games are particularly magnified in the context of what some of the games meant for kids, can potentially teach them...number and shape recognition, grouping, counting, letter recognition and reading, visual perception and color recognition, eye-hand coordination and manual dexterity, verbal communication, sharing, patience, taking turns, and just enjoying interaction with others. Board games for kids can foster the ability to focus, and lengthen a child's attention span by encouraging the completion of an exciting, enjoyable game. Even simple board games like 'Chutes and Ladders' offer meta-messages and life skills aka the simple message : your luck can change in an instant...for the better or for the worse. So never give up. Just when you feel despondent, you might hit the jackpot and ascend up high, if you stay in the game for just a few more moves. Small lessons, big lessons, life lessons.

So essentially what I am trying to get at is the fact that the notion of parenting and just the presence of my little munchkin in our lives, has made me look at board games from a completely different perspective, like so many other things in life :)

In this context, here's a specific bitter-sweet incident that happened at home. So last time my parents were here, they got Raya a board game involving alphabets and numbers. The rules of the game are pretty simple. 52 cards with a little or big alphabet written on it with a picture of an associated object that starts with the alphabet. A board with 52 blocks/squares again with alternate little and big alphabets. A spinner that that would make the needle land in any number from 1 to 4 to determine the number of moves a player needs to make towards the final goal. Each time a player lands on a block/square, the player gets the corresponding alphabet card, unless another player already has the card in his/her possession by virtue of having landed on the block earlier. As soon as one player crosses the finish line, the player with the maximum number of cards is declared the winner.

'D' and Raya first started playing this game. Initially, playfully, whenever 'D' would land on a block/square , the card for which already belonged to Raya, 'D' would get a bit melodramatic in front of Raya, pretending to be  sad and tearful and little munchkin would immediately feel sorry for him and hand over her card to him with, "Ok, Baba...I am sharing my card with you". This went on for a while, and at the end of the game, when it was time to count the cards, 'D' did not volunteer to give the cards he had gotten from Raya, back. He just waited to see if she would just forget about those, which would be sad since it would mean she was accepting defeat after being playfully 'cheated'. The 'hooray' moment was when she began counting her own cards and soon enough told 'D', 'Baba, I gave you 3 cards. Give them back to me!' :)

So that's that. On the flip side, Raya thought the way 'D' was playing the game was a rule in the game. So when she started playing the board game with me, she would do the same. She would give me her cards, when I landed on a block/square, the alphabet card for which, she already possessed. She would voluntarily give the cards to me, because that's how she played with her 'Baba' and expect me to do the same. When I resisted taking her cards, saying that that was not the rule , she just said, 'But mama, you will give me back the cards at the end.I am sharing with you'. Involuntarily, my immediate response to that was, 'Raya, I will give your cards back to you. Not everyone will'. As soon as I uttered the sentence, I literally bit my tongue. I can only hope that she didn't get a vibe of that inherent adult cynicism in that statement...that inherent lack of trust, which I rarely exhibit, being the optimist that I am .I was quite upset at having uttered that cynical statement to my innocent, completely moldable pre-schooler. But that's that. There was nothing that I could do to take it back. So I just let the statement brush over, gave her the cards that belonged to her and moved on. There was nothing more to do. On another note, the concept of 'You win some, you lose some', of course, is  still quite alien to my little  toddler LOL. As of now, she always wants to win board games and get a surprise at the end of the game from 'Mamma' or 'Baba'. There is invariably a fit thrown when that doesn't happen. Oh well, we are working towards getting over that hill...one small step at a time...sometime soon, sometime soon... the magic will manifest itself!:)

Happy Tuesday folks! Enjoy the rest of the week.

The paradox of Indian mythology and the times when your munchkin makes you feel dumb...

Raya is obsessed with some specific Indian mythological characters ever since we got her a book comprising a compilation of stories of 'Lord' Krishna. While there are quite a few life lessons to be learnt from Indian mythological stories, accompanying some of these life lessons are also some regressive concepts . These can be quite confusing for little ones .

In subtle ways, some stories in the book demonstrate concepts I really wouldn't want my little daughter to get exposed to at this age. For example, some of the stories very casually glorify concepts like polygamy by mentioning Krishna and his multiple wives. 'D' and I were quite at a loss when at a point in one of the stories, when Krishna accepts the hand of an 'indebted' King's daughter for marriage, Raya posed the very valid question, 'Why is Krishna marrying again? He already has a wife .Rukmini is his wife.' Then there is an instance where a King and his wife offer prayers / sacrifices and go through a whole lot of painful rituals to have a boy borne to them after a series of daughters. These are only just a couple of the concepts that I find pretty regressive in mythological stories. We literally have to make conscious efforts to tone down stories wherever possible to bring out meaningful social messages and moral lessons, that would prove useful in Raya's development . It's tough though and it can be quite overwhelming trying to answer questions to a 3.5 year old as truthfully as possible, and in ways that would add value to her life!

That's for the darker side . On the brighter side, there are quite a few other important life lessons to be imbibed by little ones from these stories . Most of us are aware of the significance of those .  I have also  learnt quite a 
few names of Indian mythological characters, myself, from my little munchkin. Characters I was not quite aware of or remember. My little one loses no chance to remind me that Krishna's bird is called Garuda ...how Garuda helps Krishna save many a kingdom ...how Mura and Narakasura, the bad boys are punished by Krishna etc. etc.

In fact, it was quite comical when once, in a confused state, Raya made a statement, 'Mama, maybe Krishna is a bad boy because he hits people with his discus' . Oh well, now what could I say about that,coming from a land that worships Krishna, the polygamist, and all his incarnations :)

Now that's that. Obsessed that Raya is with this book of Krishna stories, yesterday while browsing through the book, she came across a picture where Krishna's body appeared purple rather than the conventional blue that generally everyone associates personifications of Krishna with. Raya asked,  'Who made Krishna purple, mama?' I was in the middle of something and tried my best to provide an answer that would make sense to her, 'Raya, the people who wrote the book' . Pop came a completely unexpected statement from Raya, 'Mama, you mean the author and the illustrator?'. I was too dumbfounded to react ! Felt really dumb and just about manageed to say, 'Yes', in response to her query. Once I had recovered enough, I asked Raya, 'Raya, how do you know about the author and the illustrator ?' . Munchkin replied, 'Ms. Amber told us that author writes books and illustrator draws pictures'

Ms. Amber is Raya's class teacher at  pre-school. This is one of the instances that I have  not blushed, but instead have actually felt good and laughed out loud at being made to feel dumber. So thank you Ms.Amber for all that you do for my little munchkin. Here's hoping that there will be many more such 'feeling dumber' moments for me!

The pros and cons of 'being different'...

So yesterday, a very close friend of mine, 'M', called me from India and she started with "Chints, I need to vent". She is one of the few friends I have a "no holds barred" relationship with. Over the years, I have learnt to brace myself into the therapist, philosopher, guide mode as soon as I hear the words, 'I need to vent'.  Jokes aside, she was in the middle of some nasty office politics along with some social life drama, that had made her really jittery and upset. I of course, used my usual way of rationalizing 'people' behavior, trying to make her understand that it's ok to give people the benefit of the doubt once in a while, while preparing oneself to  keep a safe distance from them as soon as streaks of meanness and interference grow to more than a semblance.  I believe that's the best way to protect oneself from getting hurt, while still maintaining a reasonably amicable relationship with the person/people concerned. Of course, it's tougher in the office/work scenario, given that you cannot afford to become invisible by mentally pushing yourself/others to the periphery, in an effort to maintain an amicable  relationship. I do believe, however, it's much easier in the  social scenario, specially when it involves people one has known only for a few years. They shouldn't be given more attention than they deserve. Childhood friends and family are the only ones worth putting in a fight for.

After an hour long conversation, she seemed to have calmed down enough and the conversation moved on to other topics. At the end of the conversation, 'M' just said,'Thank God for you in my life!You always calm me down.You know na you are different'. I could visualize her smile at her end and it made me smile too. I knew what she meant. Haven't I heard that often enough..."You are different"...different because apparently I demonstrate incredible amount of (some of my friends often say, 'undeserved') patience and tolerance in dealing with people and their mean streaks that surface in different ways...folks would really have to pin me to the wall and have me pinned there for sometime, before seeing me lash out in any form, if at all...different because apparently I am not a people pleaser...different because apparently I never feel the need to suck up to anyone or put on  pretenses...different because apparently I come across as very confident and secure in my relationships...different because apparently I have the capability to let go of relationships that are not  working without much ado about them...different because I have this uncanny ability to either mentally pull myself out into the periphery or push relationships/people to the periphery, without feeling the need to be in the centre of it all, while still having amicable relationships.Of course, the downside of 'being different' in these contexts is that often times, it gets construed as aloofness, snobbery by folks who don't know you well enough...it also more often than not results in being taken for granted...in sometimes folks keeping you pinned to the wall for longer that you can tolerate:(. Oh well, that comes with the territory.

But what folks often miss is that, 'being different' in these contexts is more often than not a conscious choice. The core of emotions that all people go through in being treated 'un fairly/badly' is always the same. It's the same for me ...it's the same for you. But over a period of time, partly due to my inherent personality, partly due to my upbringing, partly due to my early exposure to different kinds of people and flavors of personalities as part of my college/hostel life, I have realized that 'being different' in all the above mentioned ways is not all that bad. It just means you would end up with a few very close
relationships in life that would be 'keepers' for life...all other relationships would be peripheral, but it would be your choice to give them just enough importance or not enough importance so that they bring joy to your life, rather than stress and disappointment:)

On a lighter note, madam Raya asked me this morning if my office was a 'play office' like her 'play school'...oh well I definitely wish it was. It was 'Share and Show' day in school for her today, and she was insisting that I get a toy from home to share in my 'play office' with my friends. Oh well. With all the thunderstorms hitting the Washinghton DC area, these hot summer evenings, madam Raya is also fascinated by clouds. Leaving you with a clip of what she has to say about clouds.