The old...the new...and what is yet to be...

We just got back from a short, but rejuvenating vacation to India...two and a half weeks...family, friends, food, fun...3 cities(Bangalore, Guwahati, Kolkata) and my most favorite place in the world, the small picturesque town of Shillong, in Meghalaya,...all of them together providing a glimpse into the essence of India...the old...the new...the dream and vision of what is yet to be!

It was Raya's 2nd trip to India. As I sit here penning this down and look back at the last two and a half weeks, I am quite amazed at how easily she adapted to the change of scene. Other than loving the fact that she could take in the sights and scenes of the places, we were visiting, without being strapped and confined to a car seat, I think she was too  excited and immersed in basking in the love and affection showered by family and friends, to even realize the existence of the few things (the mosquitoes hovering around ready to pinch with stinging bites, the dusty roads, the bumper to bumper traffic etc) that would have irritated and agitated her to no end, had she been anywhere else in the world, where she was not surrounded by folks she loved.

We flew into Bangalore to visit my brother, 'Ash'. I absolutely love the vibes of that city, brimming with a relatively young, diverse, professional crowd where conversation flows, music heals and you generally feel alive. I don't know whether it was the effect of the intermittent skype sessions or just
the result of  a connection she immediately felt, but fortunately it didn't take Raya too long to bond with my brother, cousin and niece. So that felt good, given that we had just two days to spend in Bangalore with Ash. We also spent some time at this awesome venture and venue spun off by Ash and a couple of his friends, called 'The Warehouse'...a one stop entertainment venue for live music lovers, pub goers and dance fanatics, replete with live bands, a dance floor and a lovely lounge/bar. Brilliant vibes and atmosphere there. So definitely worth a visit when you are in Bangalore next. And of course, fingers crossed for my little brother! We also got a chance to spend some time with some of our dear friends from school and college. With them, we always have been able to start off exactly from where we left, and it always leaves me wondering how in the world does it always, always feel that we had never left!!  So that was awesome!

Guwahati was basically 'family and friends' time. Raya got to spend some quality time with her grandparents and the rest of the loving, extended family. Needless to say, she comes back royally pampered and spoilt! Oh well, that's quite alright I suppose, specially when I realize, we literally spent every day of our childhood, being pampered and spoilt by our grandparents in big ways and small. In addition to spending time with family, 'D' and I spent some wonderful time with a couple of our school friends. I always cherish these get togethers with old friends, with whom you can literally start off from where you had left off...re-living good times...reminiscing and laughing at the 'quirks' each one of us had and continue to have or have developed, over the years...or just getting immersed in nostalgia ...all this, without ever having to feel conscious, apologetic or arrogant about the 'good' and 'not so good' changes that life has brought on over the years! Good times and beautiful memories, for sure. Other than that, we hogged on delicious home cooked food, hung out at what remains of our favorite eat-outs, since school and college days...checked out some of the new 'hot and happening' entertainment/restaurant and retail/shopping venues in the city...just sat for hours in the terrace garden at my parents' home, re-living childhood memories...enjoying the beautiful view of the sun setting over the sprawling city, that was once my only 'home'...at times revelling, and at other times mourning the changes that Guwahati has seen in the name of development...

And then Shillong, the picturesque little hill station in the State of Meghalaya, the 'land of clouds'. In the past three and a half decades I have lived in different places/locations in the world at different points of time...11 years in Shillong, 7 years in Guwahati, 4 years in Trichy, 2 years in Bangalore, 1 year in Bruge and Eindhoven, 10 years and counting in the Washington, DC area. However whenever
someone asks me, where I have felt and feel most 'alive'...among all these places, if I were to pick just one and call it 'home', which one would it be?...invariably the answer is always Shillong. I can't pin-point what it is about this small town that makes me call it 'mine' and gives me this inherent sense of belonging, despite not being able to visit it as often as I would like to. But that's the way it just is!
Despite all the changes that concrete buildings and 'development', so to say, has brought to this small town, metaphorically called 'the Scotland of the east', Shillong is where I have always felt and feel the most alive! It was unfortunately a very short trip to Shillong, nevertheless I did manage to show Raya all the places that I tell her bed-time stories about...the home on the hill side, we lived in when I was her age, where I have some lovely memories of family gatherings replete with our albino alsatian, Raja...the schools I went to when I was her age and a bit older...the beautiful lake Umiam in Barapaani...feeding the fish at the Ward's lake...the undulating terrain...indo-Chinese food...and a lot, lot more, that only being in Shillong can make you see, believe and feel!

We just got to spend a day in Kolkata and the short stay was mostly about revelling in the blend of the old and new in the legendary Park Street...yellow ambassador cabs driving alongside the Audis and the Bimmers...the cigarette smoking Bong 'bhadralok' ...the most delicious road-side 'poochcas'(paani pooris)...dinner at Peter Cat and Trinca's, with live music...coffee and dessert in Flury's...mannequins adorned with  beautiful 'taat' saries...holiday lighting that gives you that 'only in Kolkata' feel...road side book stalls, that bait you with bootlegged copies of all the books you want to read and own...catching up with D's family...

While Raya did not shed tears at the airport in India and  bid good bye to her grandparents with  "See you soon" and "See you Saturday", when we entered home in Virginia yesterday evening, my little one literally cried herself to sleep. It was not one of her usual tantrums that stems from her agitation when we don't give her something 'material' she wants. It was a pleading wail to take her back to India...to her grandparents and extended family! She cried herself to sleep with repeated wails of "Let's go back to India, mama"..."I want to go to Ma and Koka"..."I want Ata"..."I want to go to Ma, Koka and Ash mamu"..."I want Ma/Koka to come here"..."I want Ata  to come here"...I really was at a loss and didn't know how to console her! Needless to say, I was relieved when she finally dozed off. I was however apprehensive about what the morning would bring. Raya woke up this morning, seemingly reconciled to the fact that we are back to the grind and to where we currently belong. It was almost as if, she was making an attempt to get back to her "Virginia" routine...she asked for her "usual" Nutella sandwich...wanted to brush her teeth a specific way...wanted "baba" and "mama" to do their usual morning chores in the specific order she was used to...it was almost as if she was trying to find sanity in the routine...it made me feel relieved and sad, at the same time:(

So yes, that was what constituted the last 2.5 weeks of December, 2014 for us, in India...bonding with family and friends...3 cities and 1 town...the old... the new...and dreams of what is yet to be and seen  by Raya's generation of kiddos!

Happy New Year folks!!Wishing everyone love, laughter, health and happiness this coming year!

Leaving you with these gorgeous pics of the sun setting over the sprawling city of Guwahati!

"Home"...Raya's first India trip...

Three India trips since 'D' and I set up home together, as a couple, here in Northern Virginia, and it's funny how I have gone through the same set of emotions before and after every one of those trips...

We've been relatively fortunate to have our parents/family visit us reasonably often in the last half a decade...So while every time we bid good bye to our parents , the heart strings wreak havoc , the tear glands show no mercy, the knees feel weak...in retrospect, it's comforting to realize that we have been able to spend some quality time with our folks despite setting up "home" so far away from "home"...

Having said that though, every 1.5 to 2 years, there is this sense of urgency to visit India...Assam... "Anandam"...home, as I knew it a decade and a half back...there is this almost irrepressible urge to revisit childhood memories...to be around the folks I grew up with(despite being well aware that most of them are not around anymore:( )...to be engulfed in the aroma of favorite childhood dishes being cooked up in Mom's kitchen...to just sit out in the terrace garden and look out at the horizon of the ever expanding skyline and "land line"( if I may call it that) of my home town of Guwahati...just sit there...do absolutely nothing other than gaze out at the horizon...looking back at what a journey it has been...the distance traveled...where we were...where we are...and looking ahead at what potentially lies ahead in this unpredictable,exciting journey of life...

This India trip was even more special because we went with little Raya in tow...it was her first trip to India ....and boy did she have fun...getting royally pampered by both sets of grandparents, uncles , aunts and bonding ,playing or more appropriately “ bullying” :) her little cousin(D’s niece)!! Other than a few moments in the incredibly long flight journey from Washington to Guwahati, Raya seemed to absolutely love India ... all the attention... the huddles and cuddles from everyone she met...the sounds and views of the people, vehicles and animals on the streets...being able to gaze out of the window of the car and soak in the views without being restrained by the “leashes” of a car seat...the morning and evening strolls with the grandparents...just the general feel of the place and people... let’s just say this...she seemed  absolutely “at home” in India right from the beginning, putting all my apprehensions at bay ...She seemed to soak in, delight in and be fascinated by the transition from the quietness of life in US suburbia to the hustle- bustle of life in Bangalore(where my brother, Ash lives) and Guwahati...from an environment, where folks would be super sweet to her on the streets, but would definitely think twice before touching her, to one, where every second person on the street was pinching her cheeks, without us or them feeling the need to be alarmed....from being strapped up on a high chair in a restaurant here in the US, with coloring paraphernelia/phone/ ipad to keep her engaged so that we , the parents, could have a peaceful , quick dinner before her patience waned out, to being entertained by the servers /waiters in Indian restaurants while we gleefully sipped away at our cocktails and leisurely nibbled away at the food on our plates...I think our little girl did really well :)

Anyone living outside India would agree that a trip to India is always preceded by weeks and months of excited anticipation...In India, of course, we bask in the glory of undivided attention from family and friends, incredible pampering, delicious food, shopping sprees, ”addas”...all along ,engulfed in that sweet and heady feeling of nostalgia...we marvel at how the country has progressed economically...how the skylines and “land line” of the towns and cities are ever expanding...the streets getting broader...crib about the general mindset getting narrower, as the newspaper headlines scream about politicians trying to dictate what “women should wear, how they should talk and walk”...talk about the "reverse brain drain"... gape open mouthed, as we are dealt with punch after punch of “sticker shock”...essentially bask in the glory of a life with no work, but all play, thoughts and talk ...No wonder in those 3-4 weeks , life seems perfect ,  just as it did two decades back....when, as teenagers, all that we had to think about and take care of ,was ourselves ,while everything peripheral  aka managing the household help, cooking ,cleaning, driving, paying the bills ,all household chores was taken care of by someone else...albeit that someone else was “Mama and Papa dear” and their entourage of contacts and helpers....One could get used to living like that, so much so that like I mentioned in my post three years back, before you realize it, you could get spoilt beyond redemption in India , and forced to unequivocably judge where life is better… It is very easy indeed to get carried away by the rosiness of the vacation and “holiday spirit”, where friends and family make all the time for you and for three short weeks set aside the worries that bog them down in their day to day lives...

There were countless instances when I was rhetorically asked that bringing up a child in the US must be tough, without the family/household/societal support system:), especially since I was a working mom!! This question about whether it is more difficult bringing up a child here in the US (as a working mom) vs in India was thought provoking, indeed. I agree that the love, affection, warmth, moral and physical support provided by grandparents and extended family is irreplaceable . I wouldn’t have been able to make it through the first and most important year of Raya’s life without the physical and moral support of my dear parents, and Raya probably wouldn’t have had even half as much fun in the first year of her life or developed like she has, without her grandparents being around for extended periods. But that aside, I have realized that bringing up a child, managing a home, a family, a job , life in general is just as difficult or as easy as you want to make it, no matter where you live…Not that it would have been any easier bringing up Raya if D and I had set up home some place else in India, other than Guwahati …no one would agree with me more on this than my dear friend, Rush, who has set up home in Gurgaon while her parents live down in South India….Given today’s nuclear family set ups, no matter where  home is, at every point, you are faced with a set of challenges…at every point of time, you have a set of choices…you make the choices you make and move on…letting time decide the effect they have on the course of your life…

I enjoy getting royally spoilt ,like I do, every time we are in India...At the end of the three to four weeks of what I like to call “unadulterated all play and no work time”, I am always engulfed with sadness and choke in tears at the thought of yet again leaving behind loved ones and my childhood home in Assam…Paradoxically and funnily enough, however, I am also subconsciously( and I know I have mentioned this before) ready to get back to the grind...to office work, cooking, cleaning, driving, doing the grocery, fighting with D about household chores, paying the mortgage, facing the challenges of bringing up Raya and generally getting back to “real” life...that’s “real”…that’s “life” as I know and love…as long as those  weeks of “unadulterated all play and no work time” keep getting squeezed into our busy lives, ever so often , we should be good, I guess:)…

Having said that though, hopefully we will be able to make more frequent trips back home to Assam with Raya, and also our parents /families will continue to be able to visit us often enough, so that she can grow up with the warmth and affection that only grandparents and family can provide…Fingers crossed…How that pans out, only time will tell….It's definitely tough for us, staying away from our parents and siblings...we miss them so much...but it's even tougher for our parents now, for grandparenthood has given birth to an absolutely different set of emotions that has made their grandchild the absolute centre of their lives ....

For now though, it’s been a good start to the new year for all three of us with the fabulous, refreshing trip from “home” to “home” back “home”, if that makes any sense at all :)

Wish all of you a very happy 2013…may the new year bring in health, love and happiness into all your lives…

Back to the grind...

Just got back to Northern Virginia on Monday evening from a wonderful vacation back home in India, more specifically, in the beautiful state of Assam in India...this time around we also managed to squeeze in a short trip to the awe invoking Golden City of Jaisalmer, in Rajasthan...more about that in a bit...

The India trip didn’t start off on a very good note for me...I missed my connecting flight from Brussels to Delhi and subsequently from Delhi to Guwahati , resulting in a 24 hour delay in reaching home...did finally manage to reach Guwahati in one piece…D had flown in a day earlier and so he got to spend an extra day in Guwahati...grrrr...:-)

As I chit chatted with my parents in the car on my way home from the airport, at the first red traffic light we stopped, D pointed out one of the rolling advertisement hoardings by the side of the traffic crossing . An image of Lord Ganesha flashed on the screen and the following text rolled by:

‘Lord Ganesha says, “Save your head…not everyone is fortunate like me to get a replacement...wear a helmet, when on a two wheeler”...’

As D read out the rolling text on the hoarding aloud, both of us smiled and D said to me, “Welcome to India, babe!!”...In a weird kind of way, those rolling words on the hoarding by the side of the road, reflected the essence of the people and the current state of the country of my birth...it was a simple, intelligent, witty attempt to bring order into the chaos, that was and still defines a major part of India, by gently and subtly nudging the inherent spiritual sentiments and superstitious instinct of the common Indian man...as is always the case in such situations, apparently there had been a lot of objections initially to putting up such a message, considering it a denigration of Lord Ganesha...whatever...but I, for one, am sure Lord Ganesha would have absolutely no objection to having his image and name used to protect and save lives :-)

Anyways that’s that and I’ll come back to it later...

So what was the India trip like...short, hectic, fun-filled and beautiful...catching up with family, friends, loved ones, festivities ,getting royally pampered, fun, food, frolic, shopping, travel...great times essentially...

My dear mother and mom-in-law made sure they prepared all of D and my favorite dishes...Ma fed me with loads of ’Tenga jhool’(an assamese fish delicacy), ’Til pitha’ (an assamese sweet), ’Dahi wada’, ’Chocolate cake’, ’Narikolor barfi’ (Coconut sweet), ‘Bora saolor bake’(Another assamese delicacy with a specific kind of rice and jaggary that only my mom can make !!), ‘Prawn curry’, ’Dhania Aloo’ ,’Masor Jola’(Another fish dish)...Ahhh...she had got a special ‘razai’ (quilt) made for me because I love quilts and sleeping curled up in one, in the misty Guwahati winter, is my absolute favorite pass time :-)...we lazed around in the terrace garden at home, chit chatting and basking in the warmth and glory of the early afternoon sunshine...we drove around all our old favorite joints in the city and checked out all the new hot spots with friends and family...visited D’s high school...met up with a couple of our junior college professors...after a long, long time the whole family spent New Year’s eve together, partying in Guwahati...had ‘Uruka bhoj’ (a special dinner around a bonfire on the eve of the Assamese harvest festival of Bihu) at my aunt’s, and a grand Bihu lunch at Aita’s ( my grandmom)...watched ‘3 Idiots’ in a packed cinema hall with 12 other family members...caught up with some old school friends, most of whom I was meeting after more than a decade...thanks to a dear friend ,'P', for getting everyone together...had a lovely time...some are now married...others are not...some of them have kids...others don’t...some of them have changed...others haven’t...but everyone’s grown up to become such beautiful, amazing ladies in their own right...it was absolutely lovely meeting everyone after such a long, long time...then of course D and I hogged on street food...paani poories, bhel poories, allo tikkis, tandoori chicken, indo chinese food, momos, kebabs...you name it and we’ve had it, I am sure...

(By now you would have guessed that food constitutes a major part of all our travel plans and hence my blog posts...thank god both D and I are foodies:-) )

But one of the biggest highlights of the trip was a surprise visit to Guwahati by my dear brother, Ashish...Since D and my India trip was kind of a last minute plan(like it generally is for all our travel), Ash and I hadn’t been able to make our vacation days from work coincide...having had only recently got back from Guwahati to Bangalore after a 10 day break in early December, Ash had kept giving all of us the impression that he wouldn’t be able to make it to Guwahati while D and I were visiting...though I was upset, I had got reconciled to that fact...but on the afternoon of the 1st of January, while my parents and I were taking an afternoon nap, I felt a few gentle taps on my head...once, twice, thrice...and then as I opened my eyes and turned around to find the source of the irritant...lo and behold...there he was...yes my bratty, rock star brother :-)...he had flown into Guwahati to spend the weekend with us...and had absolutely made my day!!

Then there were of course these other teeny, weeny moments and gestures of warmth and affection that absolutely touched my heart and that I’ll cherish forever...like our 85 year old grand moms (both D and mine) entering the cold kitchen and with shaky hands trying to help cook some of our favorite childhood dishes...an aunt who put in all the effort to hand knit a cap for me , not knowing what else to gift me...'M', a lady who has been with our family helping with household chores ever since my brother’s birth, deciding to forgo a scheduled trip to visit her family in the village during the two day Bihu holiday, and instead deciding to spend that time at home with our family, cooking, chit chatting and taking care of me because she felt she hadn’t been able to pamper me enough, owing to a full time job at a cottage industry ma had just gotten her into...yes, life’s little moments that tug your heart and leave indelible impressions!

Then of course, D and I squeezed in a three day trip to Jaisalmer, a small town on the westernmost part of the state of Rajasthan on the border with Pakistan...we travelled to Jaisalmer via train from Old Delhi station...and returned to Delhi on one of those teeny, weeny turboprop flights from Jodhpur...that, in itself, as you can imagine, was an experience:-)...Jaisalmer is famous for the Golden Fort , that proudly stands amidst the golden stretches of the great Thar Desert and is the only residential fort in the world...We had made arrangements to stay at a haveli in the fort that had been converted to a boutique hotel...beautiful,royal architecture and interiors, a terrace restaurant, awe inspiring views of Jaisalmer city, delicious Rajasthani thalis (constituting yummy dal baati, churma, gatte ki sabzi, kair sangria, sukhi pooris among other Rajasthani delicacies) and extremely hospitable staff were the highlights of this small boutique hotel with a rather non Rajasthani name “Vitoria” ;-)…We went out on a camel safari to the Khuri sand dunes of the Thar Desert and reveled in the marvelty of enriching Rajasthani folk dance and music in one of the desert camps, around a bon fire, under the star filled skies over the Thar…Some of D and my closest friends are from Rajasthan...hence we have been at the receiving end of some overwhelming Rajasthani hospitality many a time before and I am glad this trip was no exception ;-)

Spent a couple of days in Delhi as well...some of the the changes in Delhi and it’s suburbs were revelations in themselves...six lane roads, posh malls and restaurants, high rise techno savvy offices, chic residential complexes, fancy cars, rich kids swerving their 'Mercs' and 'Bimmers' to a halt in shady nooks outside Priya cinema hall (apparently in the lookout for pimps and dope, I was told)...this ,juxtaposed against the ‘thela walas’, ‘rickshaw walas’, ‘cycle walas’ ,’auto walas’,'taxi walas' trying to make a living, working 18 hours a day and 7 days a week... a family of four on a two wheeler trying to squeeze in a mall shopping experience on one of the foggiest and coldest of Delhi nights...yes, I mention this at the cost of sounding like a ‘phirang’ tourist...It’s just that Guwahati is a much smaller city compared to Delhi, has a more laid back life and is not a commercial hub or melting pot like Delhi is and hence, I guess, the economic changes and progress India has made in the last few years, though evident in Guwahati as well, they haven't really led to as wide socio economic gaps in my hometown as in the capital of India...but that's that...plus, of course there's the matter of where I observed issues from...I guess after spending a few years outside India and given the rate of economic changes in the country in the past few years, any form of socio economic gap just seems starker, darker and just a whole lot more unfair...

So what did we do in Delhi...yes, got our visas stamped at the American consulate, right next to the Canadian consulate outside which all that was visible was a sea of people and their colorful turbans:-)...shopping in Janpath (finally got a hookah ;-)...so everyone’s welcome to the next hookah party at our place...he he ) and Delhi Haat...checked out a couple of live music hangouts in Connaught Place and Gurgaon...they absolutely rocked...checked out some restaurants /lounges recommeded by Delhiite friends...“ Bukhaara”, “Punjabi by Nature” and ”Smoke House grill” to name a few...and yes, needless to say, hogged on Delhi street food, which was just as delicious, if not more:-)...

All in all, it was a whirlwind India trip that was a whole lot of fun...it always is when you visit India for just a few weeks...but then when I think about it more , putting aside the surreal nature of a short vacation and of getting into the habit of splurging in rupees while earning in dollars, I am not sure yet what it would be like to get into the regular Indian bandwagon of working and living there...will know for sure when we move back some day...but as of now, day-to-day life for the common man, in general, seems tough...definitely tougher than what is for us here...having said that though, a lot of the people I met and spoke to seem completely content and happy with the lives they are leading...and therefore my perspective is perhaps skewed by my personal definition of a ‘tough day-to-day life’...hence I’ll just refrain from commenting on this further...let’s just say this, after three weeks of vacation, while I was engulfed with sadness and choked in tears , at the thought of yet again leaving behind loved ones and my childhood home in Assam, subconsciously perhaps I was ready to be back to the grind...to office work, cooking, cleaning, driving, doing the grocery, fighting with D about household chores, paying the mortgage :-) and generally getting back to real life...yes, before it was too late...before getting spoilt beyond redemption in India and being forced to unequivocably judge where life is better :-)

So yes I am back to the grind...I just got back from 'home' to 'home', if that makes any sense at all...from Assam to Northern Virginia...paradoxical yet true...have at least one other blogger friend who seems to feel the same ;-)

On our way to the airport to catch my return flight to the US, ma sighted an elephant bang in the middle of the streets of Guwahati, and she told me that it’s her belief that sighting an elephant(a personification of Lord Ganesha) anywhere outside the animal’s natural abode is a sign of good luck...and though logic defied it, I involuntarily joined my hands in a namaskar and bowed my head down in respect of Lord Ganesha as I looked back at the elephant and prayed for love, luck, health and happiness for all my dear ones, in the year to come...yes you guessed right, it is my 'inherent Indian spiritual sentiment and superstitious instinct', that I mentioned earlier in the post, that makes me defy logic , time and again, many a time...

Am sure in all of this, my confusion is apparent...it's meant to be :-) !!

Happy New Year folks!! Will share some pics of the trip soon...