The lessons children teach us...

As parents, I am sure each of us strives to provide the best we can for our children...we want to take care of all their needs(emotional,physical,material) to the 'best' of our ability...that's  what drives most of our lives once a child is born...we want to feed them the 'healthiest' food  out there...dress them up in the 'trendiest' clothes out there...provide them with the 'best' of education ...provide them with the 'best' development opportunities...show them the world...expose them to the diversity and uniqueness of cultures, cuisines, people,life! We strive to do the 'best'  we can for our children, based on our life situation.

Of course, the definition of "best" and what we strive to provide our kids with, evolves and changes as we progress through life, as the economics associated with various life phases change and as our knowledge of the "best of the best" and it's relevance to our lives evolves. Having said that, I am sure each one of us also strives to make sure that our children have balanced lives...We want them to value what they have...emotional and material ...We want them to realize that they can't always get what they want...We want them to value the people in their lives...We want them to value and treasure all the good things that they are fortunate enough to be born with...without taking any of it for granted.

That's always a big parenting challenge...striving to provide the 'best' for your children, while teaching them to value what they have and teaching them to learn to live without a lot of the material objects of affection, if the need arises...material needs and objects, which are always good to have but not necessarily essential to live a happy life...and most importantly to consciously get them into the habit of giving back to causes and people in the world, in need.

Now coming back to the point of this post. Since Raya's birth, in an effort to provide what we feel is "healthy food" for our child, at home, we try to make sure that fruits, vegetables, dairy and meat products we get for her are "organic". "Organic food" is of course the buzz word doing the rounds of health and fitness fanatics. In fact some non-believers of the health benefits of organic food products, consider it just a fad. Certified organic products are relatively more expensive than non organic produce. For now, we want to and can afford organic produce , so we buy it. Tomorrow if we get to a situation where we can no longer afford to buy organic produce or choose not to, we will not buy it. Essentially for 'D' and 'I', buying "organic" food is not and  will never be a necessity . However what fascinated and scared me  was the fact that our little toddler has recently taken a fancy to the word "organic".

Yesterday when 'D' took her grocery shopping...she literally guided 'D' to the aisle where "organic" strawberries were available...that was obviously a source of amusement and laughter for folks shopping in the vicinity.. Then when I asked her yesterday, what fruit she wanted to have, Ms. Raya asked me, "Mama, do you have "organic" grapes?"...OMG!

Needless to say, I was taken aback...

I was amused and laughed out loud, while involuntarily cringing and wanting to cry...Is that possible at all? I guess it is because that's literally how I felt.

What amused me was her fascination with the word "organic" and the tone in which she used it...it can be pretty amusing hearing "organic grapes" from a toddler's mouth...what scared me was the fact that 'D' and I may have inadvertently and unconsciously made her feel that only "organic" food is what is good for her and what she should be having...that was absolutely not our intention...while we want to make sure she has "healthy" food, as we know it, and whenever possible...while we want her to be aware of what "organic" food may be...we definitely don't want to make that an absolute necessity in her life ...and we definitely don't want her to grow up into one of those kids/teenagers shouting out, "I eat only organic!"..."I don't eat anything 'non-organic'" ....Oh gosh, how I have laughed and rolled my eyes  at those "snooty" teenagers and adults alike...serves me right,  I guess, you would say!

My little toddler, with her fascination for the word "organic", in the strangest of ways, has reiterated an important parenting lesson..and that is, not to forget how important  it is to bring up a well balanced child...to strive to provide the best for your child, while making them realize that  nothing  is absolutely essential and necessary other than love, life and health!

Oh well...the lessons children teach us...for now, while I amuse myself with various 'toddler uses' of  the word "organic", work has already begun to rectify the associated parenting flaw and minimize long term impacts of this specific word fascination...so wish me luck!:)

The 'why' of a goodbye...

Yesterday, my parents left for home, in India, after a two and a half month stay with us.

We've been trying to mentally prepare Raya for this for the past couple of days, telling her that her "Ma and Koka need to go back to their own home in India"...That " Mamma, Baba and Raya will visit them soon next year" etc. etc. Her initial, vehement , "Ma, Koka ...No go to India ! Ma, Koka...No go to India!" changed to "I want to go to India too!" yesterday morning, followed by a major meltdown ( uncontrollatable shrieks for 'Koka' and 'Ma' ) at the airport, seeing them leave, as they made their way down to the terminal on the escalator.

Goodbyes are tough for the kiddos, for us, and I think more so for the grandparents, whose lives generally tend to revolve around their grand children as age catches on!

I am so glad Raya was able to spend some quality time with D's mom as well as my parents this year! The 'toddler turning into a spoilt brat' factor aside , I think time spent with grandparents enriches the lives of little ones like nothing else can and there is absolutely no substitute for grand parental affection!

We managed to calm Raya down yesterday, after a big struggle, telling her about how she could still talk to 'Ma'/'Koka' on the phone and skype  with them like she does with her Ata. We gave her a ride on what she calls the
"excalator" (escalator) and tried our best to distract her with other stuff.

Today morning she  woke up with the question,
"Mamma ...Ma, Koka gone to India in excalator?...Why mamma?"

While I managed to put together an answer to her "Why mamma?" , the look on her face, as she asked me the question, broke my heart!

Goodbyes are tough indeed! Tougher, when you have to explain the "why of a goodbye" to a little toddler!

P.S:
Raya calls her maternal grandmom, 'Ma'...her maternal granddad, 'Koka'...her paternal grandmom, Ata and her paternal granddad, Dadu.

"My's" is the new buzzword...

...in the Das household. In case you are wondering what "My's" is, let me explain. It sounds like "Mize", means "Mine" and it's "the word"  Raya has begun to use these last few days to assert that something belongs to her.

It's amazing to observe how a child's cognitive, verbal communication skills evolve and the challenges that we, as parents, have to face to make sure that we are able to nurture the inherent goodness,resilience and curiosity that each kid is born with.

So a couple of months back, Raya started becoming aware of the fact that she was a separate 'entity' (I am not particularly fond of using this word in the human context, but oh well no other synonymous word immediately comes to mind) from her 'Mamma', 'Baba' and the rest of the world.

She began saying stuff like, "Raya cup" or just pointing to an object that she believed belonged  to her and saying "Raya's". Similarly she would point to my purse or something that she believed belonged to me and go "Mamma bag" or just say "Mamma's"...point to 'D's car and say "Baba caw" or "Baba's"...point to her grandmom's sandals and say, "Ata's"...point to a pen being used by her teachers (she absolutely adores them) at day care and say "Holly's /Ms Holly's" or "Kiki's/Ms Kiki's"...essentially she had begun associating material objects with people and talking in the third person.

These last few days though, instead of using "Raya's" to assert that something belongs to her and thus implicitly indicating that everyone else should keep their hands off it, she has started saying "My's" and "You's" , the "My's" being more proliferant than the "You's" ,of course...LOL. Funny as it sounds , it is probably her first attempt to comprehend and speak in the first person. That aside, the proliferant use of "My's" has meant repeated urges and prep talks by 'D' and me, to make her understand the importance of sharing. Needless to say , it's a challenge to make a toddler understand that everything in the world doesn't belong to her or work like she wants it to. Inculcating the notion of sharing and patience in a toddler is a challenge, but I personally feel, it's one of the most important aspects of parenting...more so because these notions sow the seeds of feeling empathy and compassion for others, as the child grows into an adult. Of course nature and a child's inherent personality is one of the things that determines what a child grows up to be. But the least we can do, as parents, is to try and  nurture their inherent goodness to the best of our ability.

So yesterday so we had a couple of friends visiting us with their kiddos. Before they came in, I sat Raya down and gave her a prep talk,"Raya...we all know that these are your toys. But you have friends visiting , so you will have  to share all your toys with them ok". I repeated the sentence one more time to make sure I had all her attention. She first said,'Yeah, mamma'...and then followed it with,'Yeah, mamma...share'...the first part of my day's mission of teaching Raya to share having been accomplished, I waited to see how the evening would unfold. I should say she did reasonably well. I have observed a prep talk more often than not does it's magic. There are some days more difficlut than others though when tantrums seem to rule the day. Yesterday evening, the number of "My's" reaching my ears were
minimal and the other kids were playing with her toys without much intervention while she played along with them or by their side. But of course, that was yesterday. Today is a different day and with a toddler in the home, every day comes with it's own set of challenges.

On a slightly different note, here are some snippets of recent conversations in Raya'ingo' in our houshold that I wanted to pen down before
they get pushed to the  abyss of my mind to become distant memories:

Scene 1:
I ask Raya : "What is your name?"

Raya replies : Raya ("Yaya" has finally become "Raya" now)

I ask her again : "What is your full name?"

Raya replies (after considerable thought) : Raya Das

I ask Raya : "What is mamma's name?"

Raya replies : Mamma Das (This came spontaneously and brought  oodles of laughter from me before I could  proceed with any further questions)

I ask Raya : "What is baba's name?"

Raya replies : Baba Das...

I ask Raya : "What is Aata's name?" (She calls her paternal grandmom Aata)

Raya replies : Aata Das...

I ask Raya : "What is koka's name?" (She calls her maternal granddad koka)

Raya replies : Papa (I guess that comes from the fact that I call him papa:))


I ask Raya : "What is ma's name?" (She calls her maternal grandmom ma)

Raya: No response

I prompt her : Dehu

Raya echoes : Diu

Scene 2:

After the above conversation, 'D' took it on himself to teach Raya what our actual names are and he did a reasonably good job of it I should say.
So now, conversations like the above progress as follows:

I ask Raya : "What is mamma's name?"

Raya replies : Panka

I ask Raya : "What is baba's name?"

Raya replies : DD

I ask Raya : "What is baba's full name?"

Raya replies : D'paanan Das (This answer comes back only if she's in the
right mood:) )

I ask Raya : "What is Ata's name?"
Raya replies  : KD (That's what she has been taught, her grandmom's name being "Kalyani Das' :) )

I ask Raya : "What is koka's name?"

Raya replies : Papa

I ask Raya : "What is ma's name?"

Raya replies : Diu

Scene 3:

'D' and I are having an animated conversation and we are laughing at something silly I did. 'D' playfully slaps my back. Raya absolutely doesn't like it and pop comes her angry reaction aimed at 'D' and she says, "Baba...Baba...Mamma,Boo Boo...Huggie...Kiss", pointing at me...when DD gave me a peck on the cheek in response to her urge, it brought the biggest grin to her face...LOL

Scene 4:

Our landline rings, she points to the phone and says, "Phone...Ma...Koka". She calls her maternal grandparents "ma" and "koka" respectively and believes that they have proprietary rights to call on the landline. If anyone else does, she is not a happy baby :)

Scene 5:

Right or wrong, I have my own bag full of tricks to get hudddles, cuddles, hugs and kisses from my munchkin. So last Saturday, I was skyping with my parents. I was sitting cross legged on the floor and Raya was holding on to my shoulders and trying to stand on my legs. I was like, "Raya...mamma is getting hurt"...When saying that a couple of times didn't help, I pretented to cry and said, "Raya...mamma..boo boo"..."Raya...mamma..boo boo"... I immediately got a big bear hug from my munchkin accompanied with , "Mamma...huggie...mamma huggie"..."Mamma...no cry"..."Mamma...no cry"....It's a different thing that I could cry all day to get that hug and hear that version of "Mamma...no cry"...LOL...

Her current favorite Bollywood numbers are Mika Singh's , "Mere Agal Bagal"... "Kashmir se Kanyakumari" and D's all time favorite "Om Shanti Om" from Karz...She even attempts to sing along with these too...and her current favorite nursery rhymes are what she calls, "Eee..Wee...Spyder" (Incy Wincy Spider) and "Ol..Ga...gaas" (Old Mac Donald). Other than that, in Raya'ingo', 'butterfly' is 'bug fly'...'remote' is 'motot'...'medicine' is 'mecidine'...'swimming pool' is 'swinging pool' ...so on and so forth :)

So that's that. Raya will turn two in a couple of weeks. It's an exciting and challenging phase of parenting. It's also a very important phase of Raya's as well as our lives,as parents, as she begins to learn the ways of the world and take baby steps towards becoming more and more independent. Bitter...sweet...it is, this feeling of your baby growing up.

But for now, "My's" is the buzzword in our home and "Sharing" is the mantra ruling our lives.