About time...?

Well, I have been out of blogosphere for a while now...not for the lack of new things happening in life, though...:)

I have just been in two minds about sharing the news of probably one of the most significant life events in D and my lives...will get to that in a moment...

But then I miss blogging...and under the current scenario, writing about anything else without sharing this bit of news , the excitement, anxiety and nervousness associated with it just seems inappropriate and insignificant...

So I realized, it was about time I got back to my much neglected blog, about time I wrote about the life changes of the past six months, about time I shared D and my excitement, nervousness, apprehensions about the changes that life has brought on and those still to come...about time I mentioned the impending new arrival into our family...

Yes, D and I are expecting our first in another 2 and half months...we are excited, anxious, nervous, happy...all at the same time, if that's possible at all...but yes, after 5 years of marriage and into our 30s, I wouldn't blame you if you echoed our parents' thoughts and said that it indeed is about time :)

So well, going back to why it took me so long to write about something that's literally been the centre of our lives these past few months....While the first trimestor of pregnancy is unpredictable and uncertain for most women and hence a lot of people just prefer not talking about their pregnancy during that period...that aside,in general Indians tend to be really superstitious about anything related to pregnancy...I never could understand why....I do realize that two and a half months is still a long way to go and God forbid, a lot of things could go wrong in the next couple of months...so as of now,just trying to keep the positivity flowing, steering clear of all negativity and hoping and praying for a happy, healthy baby, while we prepare for her arrival...

So what has the last six months been like... a roller coaster of emotions, to put it simply....in the first trimester, in addition to the usual first trimester discomforts associated with nausea and exhaustion, I was encompassed by this intermittent fear that something may go wrong ....the second trimester was fun , other than having to get used to growing bigger and bigger...into my third trimester now …and growing bigger by the day...I perennially obsess about the little’s ones kicks and somersaults and sometimes the lack thereof...I failed my glucose screening test and have to undergo a longer glucose tolerance test now to make sure evrything's on track… and everyone says, the most difficult bit is yet to come...so essentially I am trying to keep enjoying the pregnancy and hanging in there with dreams in my eyes :)

It's funny the kind of changes impending parenthood brings about...In the past, whenever D and I talked of kids,I always imagined myself as a cool parent, never having undue expectations from my child and letting him/her grow up with unbridled freedom(much like how my brother and I did)...Hence, now I find it quite amusing and incredible when I talk to D about passing on my unfulfilled aspirations onto the little one...how I wish our child would be good at art unlike me...how the child wouldn't be flat footed like me...etc. etc...While DD brushes me off lightly with, "Don't get into the habit of forcing your unfulfilled aspirations on our child",I realize the flaw in my thoughts and just for a moment, feel a pang of envy realizing that probably( no, most definitively) D will be the cooler parent...:)...and I guess, I better get used to that :)…well, so that's that...

Wish us luck folks...your best wishes mean a lot to us as we get prepared for the final phase of this run...

A generation gone by...

Yesterday night papa called to let us know that aita (my paternal grandmom) was no more...Aita had not been keeping well for sometime now, though everyone back home says that the dignity with which she carried herself in those last few days, while she struggled with her illness, was incredible ...However as anyone can imagine , even the most expected news is difficult to accept when we are actually faced with it...so while papa tried his best to try and make it easy for us to accept the news with as much dignity as Aita would have wanted, by repeatedly emphasising that she passed away peacefully, without any pain whatsoever, tears rolled down my cheeks and I wept into my pillow at the thought of not ever again seeing that beautiful lady e who made that lovely house on the hilltop in Guwahati a HOME, a home where all of us grandchildren have spent many a cherishable moment..

I have been one of those fortunate ones , who has had a chance to spend significant amount of time with both sets of grandparents, and as I look back at the influences in my life these past three decades ...I see a bit of each four of them in myself today...and notice a predominant influence of both sets of grandparents on how my life has shaped up, thus far...

My maternal grandfather, a lawyer by profession,well known in Jorhat as the Nana ukil, was a warm, loving , witty and jolly man , who believed in living life to the fullest...perhaps it was from him that I learnt to love life, without too many complaints and to cherish and capture the little moments of life that make it so beautiful...

My maternal grandmom,Aita ma, was a beautiful lady, who was one of the most loving ,warm, affectionate and broadminded women of her times...her beautiful smile and the warmth of her embrace exuded a charm and joy , that was infectious...never heard her utter a foul word about anyone ever...she embraced friends and acquaintances of her children and grandchildren like her own...so much so that, I remember, as soon as I would tell my friends that my grandmom was visiting us, they would be dying to see her , listen to her stories and revel in her delicious cooking....married at the tender age of 9 and despite her limited formal education, she was the most open minded on worldly issues and in matters of the heart, alike...she carried her heart on her sleeves...and taught me to love and be loved...

My paternal granddad, Koka, was an academician by profession, a philanthropist in words and deeds...a humble soul who achieved accolades that are still held in awe even after his lifetime...the kind of goodwill and respect that he earned among his peers and the generations that followed with his noble deeds make people bow down in respect at the mention of his name even today...he had an aura, in the glory of which we , his grandchildren, bask even today when we visit Assam...he inculcated in us the values of respecting other human beings irrespective of caste,creed, religion and social standing, of humility, of empathy, of learning, of open mindedness, of not misusing the power and responsibility that we have, as humans...

And then of course,Aita, my dear paternal grandmom, a beautiful lady who was eons ahead of her times as far as lifetime achievements are concerned...a beautiful lady who was a writer, classical singer, a classical dancer, a thespian, a youth activist all rolled in one, while being the lovely grandmother that she was to all of us...She won many an accolade for her writings, her short stories, her translations of great English works like Jane Eyre to Assamese as well as for her many other talents....She epitomised the modern Indian women ...getting married to the man she loved against all odds, driving her own car, being independent while adhering to the basic values that make our family what it is today...she personified strength and dignity as she battled many a physical and mental battle that has helped the family overcome many a crisis...I guess it is that love, respect , strength and confidence needed for dignified living that I have acquired from her in some form...

Whenever I go back home to Assam, there are invariably multiple moments and occasions when people ask me my grandparents' names and as soon as I tell them, there is almost an involuntary, innate sense of respect and awe that fills their beings and demonstrates itself in their bearings...needless to say, it fills my heart with pride ...it makes be feel happy...it makes be feel fortunate and privileged ...and sometimes, it also does make me feel sad as well at the thought that I will probably not be able to do justice to that legacy and lineage I have been blessed with...

Over the years, while trying to deal with this quagmire and maze that this world and life is, I have often struggled to deal with situations that require aggressiveness, a killer instinct, a mean streak, a cynical view of people and the world ...things that are more often than not needed to get your way or make it big in the world today...I have often attributed this inability to my upbringing...but have time and again invariably failed in defying my upbringing to fit into the more cliched versions of people and the world like it is this day...

Today, as I remember Aita, Koka, Aita ma and Pipi....these are glimpses that fleet past my mind...the glimpse of Pipi throwing me into the air in joy as he celebrated the win of his favorite cricket team, the glimpse of cuddling up to aita ma, while she told me stories and fed me my favorite dish, the glimpse of Koka sitting on the lawns of "Anandam" , giving me a hug and telling me how proud he was of me on some achivement, the glimpse of Aita lying down in bed next to me and reading out stories while she tried to put me to sleep...glimpses and moments that have made me "ME"...glimpses and moments that make me realize how fortunate I have been to have had the upbringing I have had...to have been loved as much as I have... to have been taught to love life, people and this world....to have been born to the son and daughter of these four beautiful human beings...

With the passing away of Aita ,a whole generation has passed by...We love you aita and we will miss you...

Assam...Guwahati..."Anandam", home and life as I know it, will never be the same again...