Life's little moments...toddler hair dressing tips...

(Via Facebook Timeline on April 16,2015)

In the middle of the weekday morning madness that's typical in the Das household, while I am busy trying to do Raya's hair and 'perfect' those teeny weeny pig tails, madam Raya decides to dole out her own hair dressing fundas.

Raya: Mama, if you don't put the bands on my pig tails and roll my hair like this ( accompanies it with some hilarious hair 'rolling' or rather 'folding' gestures), I will not be Raya anymore.

Yours truly: If you won't be Raya, who will you become?

Raya: Hmmm...( Ponders for a couple of seconds ) and then asks in a thoughtful mood, "What is the name of the girl who sings the 'Roar' song ?"

Yours truly: Ahhh...Katy Perry?

Raya: Yes, Katy Perry. If you roll my hair like this( again follows it up   with the same funny hair 'rolling'/'folding' gestures), I will not be Raya. I will be Katy Perry!

Oh well , of course LOL. Katy Perry or not , this was enough to make the home reverberate with 'roars' of laughter on a chaotic Thursday morning!

Being comfortable in one's own skin...

I believe , the most important lesson that a parent can possibly try to imbibe in a child is to be comfortable in his/her own skin. It's a really tough lesson to impart, but if, as parents, we succeed in achieving that, I believe it's the first and most important lesson in enabling a child to lead a life unfettered by complexes and insecurities...it is the one and only ingredient that will enable our little ones to truly bask in the joy of living.

To keep it very simple, from what it appears to me, the very basic trait of a person who is comfortable in his/her own skin is the ability to have a hearty laugh at himself/herself! It may sound odd that I say it, but without this very basic sense of humor, it is really not possible to be comfortable in one's own skin. In addition to this quality, such a person generally:
- Has the ability to embrace his/her uniqueness and associated quirks
- Doesn't nurture stereotypical  notions of body image...You know the drill, "Thin is good...fat is bad.".   That of course doesn't imply that the person is not aware of the benefits of generally being healthy.  What it does mean is that being a size '0' and having a thin waist or a good physique is not the primary driver in his/her life. A few pounds here and there need not result in bouts of anorexia.
- Doesn't nurture stereotypical notions of culture or indulge in prejudices...You know the drill..."Asians do this, so that... African Americans do this, so that...White Americans do this, so that" etc. etc. This doesn't mean the person  does not attempt to understand differences in culture, what it does mean is that the person accepts the 'good'  and 'bad' of different cultures and basks in the glory of diversity rather than spending time slotting people, being prejudiced and giving preferential treatment.
- Doesn't nurture stereotypical notions of social, economic and intellectual disparities. Such a person is very comfortable   interacting with people belonging to different sections of society without  being arrogant/insecure about one's own pre-conceived notion of 'superiority'/'inferiority'. Such people are able to absorb life lessons like a sponge through interactions with people across diverse sections of the society.
- Has the confidence to stand up for himself/herself and others when the need arises, if that seems to be the right thing to do, without unduly weighing gains and losses to oneself. Can fight 'his/her' own battles and  make 'his/her' point without using anyone else as a shield.

Essentially a person comfortable in his/her own skin is secure, content, is able to bask in the glory of life experiences and is confident of making the most of what life has to give him/her....which in turn, I am assuming translates to happiness?! Such a person is tolerant and easy-going and doesn't feel the need to indulge in pettiness to fit into stereotypical moulds or to please people.

What about the traits of people who don't seem comfortable in their own skin:
-Inability to laugh at oneself.  Not to say there is a complete lack of a sense of humour. It's just that often times the inability to laugh at oneself is accompanied by a sense of humour that is furtive and sneaky...you know the kinds who get  huge kicks out of  laughing behind people's backs, without having the guts to laugh on anyone's face!
-Driven by stereotypical notions of body image
-Driven by stereotypical notions of culture and hence often indulge in prejudices.
-Driven by stereotypical notions of social, economic and intellectual disparities. And hence find it very difficult to adapt to sections of society where 'he/she' doesn't think 'he/she' belongs. More often than not 'arrogant/insecure' in interactions. More often than not, very judgemental.
-Often fiercely competitive about every aspect of life. Not to say, these folks are not good at what they do, but are extremely  competitive nevertheless and have an inherent urge to be one up on others, all the time. Some may say, that's needed to survive in today's world. Killer instinct, it is called. Oh well!
-People pleasers. They often do anything that's needed to please the people/section of the society they think they will benefit from or they want to fit into. Change colors as often as needed
-Never content with what they have. Always in search of something more. A 'better' house...a 'better' car...a 'better' dress ...a 'better' friend...maybe even a 'better' husband/wife:). Some may say, it's motivation to 'do'/'achieve' something 'better'.Oh well!! :)
-Never able to stand up for oneself or for others, without having something "major" to gain from it. Oh well, isn't that the way the world rolls!!Perhaps!

Either way, for a person not comfortable in his/her own skin , it is a life-long search for the next 'better' thing to fit into a 'stereotype' and life often ends up being full of complexes and insecurities.

Being comfortable in one's own skin isn't easy, but if you are , you are one of the really fortunate ones! It is also something that cannot be consciously taught to a child, without living and breathing it in your own day to day life. So here's to bringing up children who are comfortable in their own skin and enabling them to bask in the glory of all that life has to offer!

Work day 'mornings', 'ninny love', 'addvanture' and more...

Work day mornings are chaotic in the 'Das' household...

After failed attempts at being woken up by the alarm and then 'D', the morning starts with Raya and her "sleep loving" mama,  both curling up  to get as many extra minutes of  'sleep in' time as one can possibly squeeze into a 'work and school' day morning schedule... Once everyone's finally managed to get out of bed, then there's the process of "yours truly" running around her little toddler to get her to brush her teeth...the important thing here is that the "morning teeth brushing" routine doesn't just entail motivating and making  Raya brush her own teeth, it also entails watching Raya meticulously brush "ninny's" 'teeth', which could take anywhere from a couple of seconds to 5 mins based on my toddler's frame of mind, if you know what I mean! Now for all those who are not yet acquainted with "ninny", let me do the honors of the introduction. "Ninny" is Raya's security blankie/comfort toy and gets all the privileges any other member of the family does. She has traveled the world with us...a trip to Mexico, two trips to India, trips to the West Coast, Texas, Mid-West, Germany, Austria, Czech Republic, Australia and NZ...all in the past three years...now if that doesn't make little "ninny",  an official globe trotter, I wonder what will...LOL :) Anyways, getting back to the point, once both Raya and "ninny" are done brushing their teeth, it's of course Raya's mama's turn to get some unsolicited help from her toddler and her toddler's partner in crime, "ninny", in brushing her "adult" teeth...oh well!! Talk about chaotic 'work day' mornings.

Then of course, there is the process of running around to get the little toddler dressed, while of course she dresses up "ninny", finds 10 different activities to distract herself with, and chatters away with 'n' old and new tales involving actual and imaginary friends.

This morning, frustrated and completely on the edge, in the middle of our chaotic Monday morning, I told Raya quite sternly, 'Raya I am going to ask you to put on your shoes exactly three times. If you don't listen to me and put on your shoes,  I am gonna be really mad at you!' The threat worked and within seconds the toddler had accomplished the last of her tasks and was ready for school.  In the meanwhile, I decided it was time for some cuddles and kisses before we head out for the day. As I 'devoured' Raya with kisses, my little toddler threatened , "Mama I am going to ask you not to kiss me exactly three times.If you don't listen to me and stop kissing, I will be really mad at you!' Oh well, didn't see that coming for sure...quite a steep price to pay, I have to say, for expecting
my little toddler to tow the line...Oh well, well...LOL!

On another note, over the weekend, at the end of a play date with two of her girl friends at home, we saw the three toddlers, walk down the stair case from Raya's room with loaded 'knapsacks' on their back! When we asked Raya where all of them were headed...the reply was, 'We are going for an "addvanture" '. When asked  what they were taking on their "addvanture", pop came the reply..."Shoes and credit card, Mama"...After I had convinced Raya that lugging around such a huge bag was a bad idea, she agreed to open the bag and unload some of the stuff. Sure enough, the bag was loaded with all the shoes in her closet and one credit card! Oh of course, what else would these little 'girlie' girls need to survive an "addvanture" other than shoes and credit card!! LOL

Other than that, my little toddler had her first 'pee pee' accident in almost a year, and her first one ever outside home,  this weekend!!:( She was quite upset about that for a major part of the weekend. But seems to have finally gotten over it now! Thank God for that!

Happy Monday folks. Hope you have a great week ahead and hope your 'work and school' day mornings are not as chaotic as ours!:)

Leaving you with a picture of Raya with her beloved ninny in some corner of the Southern Hemisphere!

Womanhood and Home...

International Women's day came and went by.

As we celebrate women and all that women do and are capable of  achieving, I wanted to pay tribute to two amazing women, who are no longer with me, but in big ways and small, have had a tremendous influence on my life.

I was born in the north-eastern part of India, in a family that comprised and still comprises a diverse set of women.

My mom is the youngest of 4 girls born to my maternal grandparents. My maternal grand mom, "Aita ma", despite being married off at  the age of 10 and bearing children at the age of 15,despite the lack of academic degrees attached to her name, was one of the most broad-minded women I have come across. She exuded a combination of empathetic intelligence, warmth and affection that I believe she succeeded in passing on, in some form, to all her daughters and grandchildren. I believe it is primarily because of the aura of love and affection that my dear "Aita ma" exuded and spread that our huge extended family, which now comprises  people from all parts of the world,  belonging to different cultures and religions, is still as close knit as  one can imagine. "Aita ma" was aptly supported by my jovial grand dad, on whom she was able to lean on and who leaned in to provide her support whenever she needed it. "Aita ma" believed in a utopian world, that was eons away from life's realities....she saw and believed in the good side of the world and human beings,  and that probably was what ensured the unfading, serene smile on her face. The three winter months, I spent in her beautiful little cottage in Jorhat, every year, were always laid back, upbeat and overflowing with warmth, smiles and heart warming people.

On my paternal side, my grand mom, "Aita", was a highly educated, independent, talented, strong woman, who was an established writer and singer. Now when I look back and ponder, "Aita" was a woman who was aware of and was blessed with the wisdom that life is not a utopian dream. Born to a privileged family, married to a person she had chosen, she was someone who was exposed to and
adapted to the practicalities of life at a very early age. Ahead of her times in more ways than one, she believed in and contributed to women's and children's education, in big ways and small, very aptly supported by my paternal grand dad, who himself, was an academician and on whom she was able to lean on and  who leaned in to provide her with all the support she needed in her endeavours. My love for books, writing, music, story telling, debate were nurtured in the times spent in "Aita"'s  beautiful hill top home, in Guwahati...in an environment that encouraged and nurtured intellectual and creative development.

Different as these two beautiful women were, there was never a dearth of love and affection  in the two extended families that these two amazing women nurtured ...there was never a notion that the "boys/men" in the family deserved anything different from the "girls/women"...there was never a notion that the "men" in the family are the providers while the "women" are home makers...there was never a notion of the "women" being dependent on the "men", intellectually, physically or financially...all of us, the grand children, were encouraged to speak up about issues that bothered us...all of us were encouraged not to be or feel subservient to anyone who seemingly wields more power, money or status...all of us were encouraged to make our choices in life, based on our life observations and experiences...all of us  were encouraged to be independent thinkers...all of us were encouraged to be grateful for all that we had...all of us were encouraged to learn to give back to the society, in big ways and small...all of us were taught how important it is to be and raise strong, independent, warm, affectionate women...women who are capable of fighting their own battles...women who are capable of helping the less fortunate fight their battles...women who do not feel restricted by stereotypes...women who grow up to be good daughters, sisters, mothers, wives, friends while working towards nurturing their intellectual and creative needs to find their own, unique place on the world stage.

My two beautiful grand moms...different from each other in a lot of aspects...but unified in their love for the girl child...unified in their appreciation and acknowledgement of what a woman is capable of achieving...unified in their understanding that a woman can be an epitome of love,warmth, affection and be a good daughter, sister, mother, wife, friend while carving out an independent niche and identity for herself in the world.

Thank God for these two gorgeous women, smiling down and guiding me, from wherever they now reside,  as 'D' and I put in  our best effort to bring up and raise our own "little woman"...for after all, the notion of "womanhood", just like the notions of  "compassion" and "charity" is conceived and begins at home!

The lessons children teach us...

As parents, I am sure each of us strives to provide the best we can for our children...we want to take care of all their needs(emotional,physical,material) to the 'best' of our ability...that's  what drives most of our lives once a child is born...we want to feed them the 'healthiest' food  out there...dress them up in the 'trendiest' clothes out there...provide them with the 'best' of education ...provide them with the 'best' development opportunities...show them the world...expose them to the diversity and uniqueness of cultures, cuisines, people,life! We strive to do the 'best'  we can for our children, based on our life situation.

Of course, the definition of "best" and what we strive to provide our kids with, evolves and changes as we progress through life, as the economics associated with various life phases change and as our knowledge of the "best of the best" and it's relevance to our lives evolves. Having said that, I am sure each one of us also strives to make sure that our children have balanced lives...We want them to value what they have...emotional and material ...We want them to realize that they can't always get what they want...We want them to value the people in their lives...We want them to value and treasure all the good things that they are fortunate enough to be born with...without taking any of it for granted.

That's always a big parenting challenge...striving to provide the 'best' for your children, while teaching them to value what they have and teaching them to learn to live without a lot of the material objects of affection, if the need arises...material needs and objects, which are always good to have but not necessarily essential to live a happy life...and most importantly to consciously get them into the habit of giving back to causes and people in the world, in need.

Now coming back to the point of this post. Since Raya's birth, in an effort to provide what we feel is "healthy food" for our child, at home, we try to make sure that fruits, vegetables, dairy and meat products we get for her are "organic". "Organic food" is of course the buzz word doing the rounds of health and fitness fanatics. In fact some non-believers of the health benefits of organic food products, consider it just a fad. Certified organic products are relatively more expensive than non organic produce. For now, we want to and can afford organic produce , so we buy it. Tomorrow if we get to a situation where we can no longer afford to buy organic produce or choose not to, we will not buy it. Essentially for 'D' and 'I', buying "organic" food is not and  will never be a necessity . However what fascinated and scared me  was the fact that our little toddler has recently taken a fancy to the word "organic".

Yesterday when 'D' took her grocery shopping...she literally guided 'D' to the aisle where "organic" strawberries were available...that was obviously a source of amusement and laughter for folks shopping in the vicinity.. Then when I asked her yesterday, what fruit she wanted to have, Ms. Raya asked me, "Mama, do you have "organic" grapes?"...OMG!

Needless to say, I was taken aback...

I was amused and laughed out loud, while involuntarily cringing and wanting to cry...Is that possible at all? I guess it is because that's literally how I felt.

What amused me was her fascination with the word "organic" and the tone in which she used it...it can be pretty amusing hearing "organic grapes" from a toddler's mouth...what scared me was the fact that 'D' and I may have inadvertently and unconsciously made her feel that only "organic" food is what is good for her and what she should be having...that was absolutely not our intention...while we want to make sure she has "healthy" food, as we know it, and whenever possible...while we want her to be aware of what "organic" food may be...we definitely don't want to make that an absolute necessity in her life ...and we definitely don't want her to grow up into one of those kids/teenagers shouting out, "I eat only organic!"..."I don't eat anything 'non-organic'" ....Oh gosh, how I have laughed and rolled my eyes  at those "snooty" teenagers and adults alike...serves me right,  I guess, you would say!

My little toddler, with her fascination for the word "organic", in the strangest of ways, has reiterated an important parenting lesson..and that is, not to forget how important  it is to bring up a well balanced child...to strive to provide the best for your child, while making them realize that  nothing  is absolutely essential and necessary other than love, life and health!

Oh well...the lessons children teach us...for now, while I amuse myself with various 'toddler uses' of  the word "organic", work has already begun to rectify the associated parenting flaw and minimize long term impacts of this specific word fascination...so wish me luck!:)

Sunday morning toddler tech gyan...

(Facebook timeline post. January 25th, 2015)

I was trying to set up Skype for the usual Sunday morning session with Raya's grandparents. We seemed to be having some technical issues. I told Raya( who was sitting next to me, in front of the laptop, with the skype app open): "Raya, we seem to be having some issues, we may not be able to Skype with Ma/Koka today."

Raya looked at the laptop screen for a moment and then, in a tone that signified eons of tech wisdom :) , declared : "Mama , see ...the green light ...the green circle is not next to Ma's picture. She is not "at" online. Ask her to come "at" online.The dot com is not connected. The dot com is not connected. Connect the dot com!"

LOL...oh well, what 'dot com is not connected' was meant to mean is left to imagination, but it definitely helped to start Sunday morning with splits of laughter with this teeny weenie bit of refreshing toddler tech 'gyan'!!

The old...the new...and what is yet to be...

We just got back from a short, but rejuvenating vacation to India...two and a half weeks...family, friends, food, fun...3 cities(Bangalore, Guwahati, Kolkata) and my most favorite place in the world, the small picturesque town of Shillong, in Meghalaya,...all of them together providing a glimpse into the essence of India...the old...the new...the dream and vision of what is yet to be!

It was Raya's 2nd trip to India. As I sit here penning this down and look back at the last two and a half weeks, I am quite amazed at how easily she adapted to the change of scene. Other than loving the fact that she could take in the sights and scenes of the places, we were visiting, without being strapped and confined to a car seat, I think she was too  excited and immersed in basking in the love and affection showered by family and friends, to even realize the existence of the few things (the mosquitoes hovering around ready to pinch with stinging bites, the dusty roads, the bumper to bumper traffic etc) that would have irritated and agitated her to no end, had she been anywhere else in the world, where she was not surrounded by folks she loved.

We flew into Bangalore to visit my brother, 'Ash'. I absolutely love the vibes of that city, brimming with a relatively young, diverse, professional crowd where conversation flows, music heals and you generally feel alive. I don't know whether it was the effect of the intermittent skype sessions or just
the result of  a connection she immediately felt, but fortunately it didn't take Raya too long to bond with my brother, cousin and niece. So that felt good, given that we had just two days to spend in Bangalore with Ash. We also spent some time at this awesome venture and venue spun off by Ash and a couple of his friends, called 'The Warehouse'...a one stop entertainment venue for live music lovers, pub goers and dance fanatics, replete with live bands, a dance floor and a lovely lounge/bar. Brilliant vibes and atmosphere there. So definitely worth a visit when you are in Bangalore next. And of course, fingers crossed for my little brother! We also got a chance to spend some time with some of our dear friends from school and college. With them, we always have been able to start off exactly from where we left, and it always leaves me wondering how in the world does it always, always feel that we had never left!!  So that was awesome!

Guwahati was basically 'family and friends' time. Raya got to spend some quality time with her grandparents and the rest of the loving, extended family. Needless to say, she comes back royally pampered and spoilt! Oh well, that's quite alright I suppose, specially when I realize, we literally spent every day of our childhood, being pampered and spoilt by our grandparents in big ways and small. In addition to spending time with family, 'D' and I spent some wonderful time with a couple of our school friends. I always cherish these get togethers with old friends, with whom you can literally start off from where you had left off...re-living good times...reminiscing and laughing at the 'quirks' each one of us had and continue to have or have developed, over the years...or just getting immersed in nostalgia ...all this, without ever having to feel conscious, apologetic or arrogant about the 'good' and 'not so good' changes that life has brought on over the years! Good times and beautiful memories, for sure. Other than that, we hogged on delicious home cooked food, hung out at what remains of our favorite eat-outs, since school and college days...checked out some of the new 'hot and happening' entertainment/restaurant and retail/shopping venues in the city...just sat for hours in the terrace garden at my parents' home, re-living childhood memories...enjoying the beautiful view of the sun setting over the sprawling city, that was once my only 'home'...at times revelling, and at other times mourning the changes that Guwahati has seen in the name of development...

And then Shillong, the picturesque little hill station in the State of Meghalaya, the 'land of clouds'. In the past three and a half decades I have lived in different places/locations in the world at different points of time...11 years in Shillong, 7 years in Guwahati, 4 years in Trichy, 2 years in Bangalore, 1 year in Bruge and Eindhoven, 10 years and counting in the Washington, DC area. However whenever
someone asks me, where I have felt and feel most 'alive'...among all these places, if I were to pick just one and call it 'home', which one would it be?...invariably the answer is always Shillong. I can't pin-point what it is about this small town that makes me call it 'mine' and gives me this inherent sense of belonging, despite not being able to visit it as often as I would like to. But that's the way it just is!
Despite all the changes that concrete buildings and 'development', so to say, has brought to this small town, metaphorically called 'the Scotland of the east', Shillong is where I have always felt and feel the most alive! It was unfortunately a very short trip to Shillong, nevertheless I did manage to show Raya all the places that I tell her bed-time stories about...the home on the hill side, we lived in when I was her age, where I have some lovely memories of family gatherings replete with our albino alsatian, Raja...the schools I went to when I was her age and a bit older...the beautiful lake Umiam in Barapaani...feeding the fish at the Ward's lake...the undulating terrain...indo-Chinese food...and a lot, lot more, that only being in Shillong can make you see, believe and feel!

We just got to spend a day in Kolkata and the short stay was mostly about revelling in the blend of the old and new in the legendary Park Street...yellow ambassador cabs driving alongside the Audis and the Bimmers...the cigarette smoking Bong 'bhadralok' ...the most delicious road-side 'poochcas'(paani pooris)...dinner at Peter Cat and Trinca's, with live music...coffee and dessert in Flury's...mannequins adorned with  beautiful 'taat' saries...holiday lighting that gives you that 'only in Kolkata' feel...road side book stalls, that bait you with bootlegged copies of all the books you want to read and own...catching up with D's family...

While Raya did not shed tears at the airport in India and  bid good bye to her grandparents with  "See you soon" and "See you Saturday", when we entered home in Virginia yesterday evening, my little one literally cried herself to sleep. It was not one of her usual tantrums that stems from her agitation when we don't give her something 'material' she wants. It was a pleading wail to take her back to India...to her grandparents and extended family! She cried herself to sleep with repeated wails of "Let's go back to India, mama"..."I want to go to Ma and Koka"..."I want Ata"..."I want to go to Ma, Koka and Ash mamu"..."I want Ma/Koka to come here"..."I want Ata  to come here"...I really was at a loss and didn't know how to console her! Needless to say, I was relieved when she finally dozed off. I was however apprehensive about what the morning would bring. Raya woke up this morning, seemingly reconciled to the fact that we are back to the grind and to where we currently belong. It was almost as if, she was making an attempt to get back to her "Virginia" routine...she asked for her "usual" Nutella sandwich...wanted to brush her teeth a specific way...wanted "baba" and "mama" to do their usual morning chores in the specific order she was used to...it was almost as if she was trying to find sanity in the routine...it made me feel relieved and sad, at the same time:(

So yes, that was what constituted the last 2.5 weeks of December, 2014 for us, in India...bonding with family and friends...3 cities and 1 town...the old... the new...and dreams of what is yet to be and seen  by Raya's generation of kiddos!

Happy New Year folks!!Wishing everyone love, laughter, health and happiness this coming year!

Leaving you with these gorgeous pics of the sun setting over the sprawling city of Guwahati!