Back to blogosphere after a break with a rather instrospective topic :)
People fascinate me...and among 'n' not so desirable qualities which both D and I may have, there is one quality I am really proud of, that enriches our lives and makes it really worthwhile...and that's our love for people and diversity...
I have been fortunate enough to have lived in different parts of India as a child, lived dormitory life as a student and then of course have had the opportunity to interact with different kinds of people from all over India and the world, from different social and economic backgrounds, in the professional and social environment...essentially I have had opportunities galore to learn a whole lot of things about people and cultures that have added enriched perspectives to different facets of my life...I would be lying if I said I love every aspect of every person I meet, I wouldn't really be human if that were the case:)...what I am trying to say is that being open minded about people, in general, has helped me learn important things from a lot of people I have come in contact with...that has enriched my life...I am grateful for that...and that sense of gratitude adds to whatever little sense of tolerance I have...
Yesterday I caught up with a friend of mine over coffee and had a very interesting and refreshing discussion...the discussion among other things involved the notion of "fitting in and sometimes living with the illusion of being liked and loved vs standing out for who you are and being genuinely liked and loved, if loved at all"..my friend had some rather interesting incidents to narrate...I will not dwell on those further...
But yes, the general observation was that a lot of people try to fit themselves into stereotypes...aka "the intellectual", "the cool dude/dudette", "the goody two shoes","the connoisseur","the spiritualist"...doing things not because they are passionate about it or love it or believe in it but because they feel that's the "cool" or " in" or "right" thing to do, given the circumstances...perhaps it emerges from their inherent human need to be accepted into certain cliques... you see certain facets of their personality emerge with a specific set of people and a completely different facet of the same personality trait emerge in front of another set of people or another situation...it's scary, but true ..not just that, they often keep you guessing most of the time about who they are and in most cases, as these people keep wearing one mask above the other and trying to fit into different cliques, they often adopt a condescending attitude towards people who would much rather stand out in the crowd for who they are and still love and be loved/hated rather than fit in for reasons they don't necessarrily believe in...another observation was that we rarely see such people having too many constants in their life...they always seem to be in a perennial, never ending search for something more!!
While both my friend and I love debates, on this issue ,we were unfortunately on the same side of the discussion :)...so there was not much of a debate...both of us felt that the kind of people we are, we would much rather stand out in the crowd for who we are and be loved/hated for that while we learn and assimilate perspective from people coming from different backgrounds, while making and keeping them a part of our lives...but then of course we had this feeling that perhaps we were missing some important point here, that was biasing us towards our viewpoint...so I just thought, it would be a good idea to throw this topic out for debate on the blog...
So what do you think, in today's world, what constitutes happiness, contentment and success... "Fitting into preset notions and cliques and having a sense of belonging there" or " Standing out for who you while being flexible and learning from diverse people and life experiences and assimilating everyone's experiences into your lives"....my friend and I feel it's the latter...but then more often than not, I definitely am wrong:)...so do share your perspective if the issue strikes a chord…
So is "fitting in" synonymous to living life on someone else's terms while "standing out" in the above context synonymous to living life on your own terms...or have I got it all wrong ? And if it is, is one or the other the right way of living life !?
6 comments:
It is nether belonging or not belonging. It is as i see it, to be human and as such, we can be everything and all. I am what I am. sometimes it is necessary to be in character. Life as is such is a continues play and as such we as humans have to be adaptable to all situations and changes. Yes one can be individual and stand out. However, if one has a healthy worth of self being then playing characters no matter how out of field should not be a problem as the person knows who he or she is without getting lost in the very character that they are playing. In my life I can wear more than 20 hats changing 12 times a day. I am a father, a husband, a CEO, a landscapist, a programmer, an investigator, a house maid, a project manager, a banker, a systems developer and the list goes on and on. I do not just rely on everyone yet I know to include people enough not to stand alone. Its a balance and reflection of knowing ones self.
Welcome back....Introspective for sure..
Hmm... Welll being flexible kind of goes with... adjusting to your surroundings.
As a mother now.. I am completely different person when I hang out with other moms or on play dates. However when I am out with my girls, or Sumit... or just out without V around.. I am a different person. It for me means, situation appropriate.
I dont think this means fitting in or standing out. It just means, either i am letting my hair down.. or being a careful parent.
You have to be true to yourself... As teens & young adults, the concept of "peer pressure" is very true. You try things just because, you say things just because. With time you learn intresting aspects about yourself and become the person you are. Peer pressure ended a long time ago for people like us!
So... If you continue to "fit in" you got to get a grip. If you continue to "stand out" just for the heck of it... you got to get a grip. Just be yourself... and some situations you will fit in.. and some you will stand out. Over all.. it will always be intresting.
hmmm...its all situational chints...you may need to fit in at times and stand out at others. as long as you are careful and objective with your judgement (the hard part) of the situation, you can get by being both in different circumstances. flexibility is key in establishing and sustaining worthwhile relationships. if you arent willing to modify yourself and your actions, you may end up doing disservice to yourself and others.
Thanks so much folks for sharing your perspective...I hear you all...I guess all of you agree with me on the the part where being accepting of people, adaptable and flexible, while dealing with people and folks is concerned. But it does make sense when you guys say that in certain situations, it may require one to put in an extra effort to fit in, while being flexible instead of standing out as an individual, while being flexible...which I guess may be fine as long as one is learning, assimilating formation,perspective from the experiences of others in a particular clique, provided one can do that on the strength of sheer flexibility and adapatability without having to be fake or putting on masks(for fear of being judged as an unfit:)) and hence not losing one's self in the process...Now that I think of it, perhaps there's a subtle difference between donning different hats for different roles in life(which may require a fair bit of fitting in in itself...but not at the cost of losing yourself in a maze) vs putting on masks to cover up personality traits to fit into cliques, that may actually end up causing oneself to be lost in maze of unreality...
Thanks so much for your thoughts...provides a lot of clarity to the issue now :)
hey thanks for your comments...just so you know, have migrated to wordpress...come and check out my new location
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