Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Life and times...

While trying to keep life simple, every once in a while I like looking back and doing a check on how meaningful my life really is! Sometimes I like seeing what I see, sometimes I don't...but either way it gives me a chance to revisit my priorities and lead a more meaningful life!

Work...Family...Friends...Giving back to the society in care and kind, given what we are fortunate enough to have at different phases of life...I feel it's always worthwhile to  periodically go  back and do a check of what our life is all about!

Human nature fascinates me! Being a keen observer of human nature, while trying  not to be judgemental, I would like to believe , enables me to nurture human traits in myself that give me peace of mind and also helps me draw the line in relationships with others, so that life,in general, is easier.

I don't know about you, but time and again, I have come across people who can easily be put in one of the following , shall I call "buckets" of traits. Each bucket of traits comes with it's set of pros and cons. and needless to say, there may be overlap.But always easier to figure out where you are or where you want to be, if  it's 'bucketed' out , right?!

Sometimes these traits are inherent in people,(borne out of securities/insecurities, confidence/lack thereof, environment)
and sometimes it's acquired over a period of time. But they are what they are! Social relationships constitute a primary component of our lives. Given the dynamics of social relationships, we are constantly acquiring new habits and to a certain extent changing our ways. I find it really useful to look at these buckets of traits and figure out which bucket I fall into at a specific point of time, which bucket I want to be in and where I need to draw the line in relationships with people so that there is peace of mind !

As captivating as  Kevin Spacey and "House of cards" has been, you cannot deny it that it does leave you with a depressed feeling, at the thought of there being no redemption for goodness for I am sure most of us seek peace of mind more than any other form of success!!

Leaving loners aside, here are the buckets I find folks will generally fall into in social circles.

Bucket 1:
This bucket of traits is the toughest bucket to be in and the toughest to find .

Authenticity, genuineness, empathy, security, confidence,patience are the trademark traits of this bucket.

People with these traits do not need overwhelming validation from others to go about their life! While being amicable, cordial and good hearted, they are not the quintessential people pleasers nor are they attention seekers.They are not afraid to say it like it is, without feeling the need to suck up to anyone. They are capable of standing up for a cause and person. They are good hearted, but don't feel the need to shout out how good hearted they are from the rooftop .More often that not, such folks are content and happy with how they look and what they do and if they are not, they find ways to
do what they love and look how they want to look, without whining and depending on others. They always find time to spend with near and dear ones and for good causes. They know how to be cordial, yet keep a distance from folks when interests don't align. They love having conversations on different topics.They prefer to live and let live!

'Live and let live' is not the most appreciated quality in this world after all nor is the lack of the ability to suck up to others or inability to follow the herd!! So often times, people with this bucket of traits tend to be taken for granted and go unappreciated. Their confidence is misinterpreted for snobbery. And their 'live and let live' policy and no demand for
attention is considered detachment! Oh well! Such is life.

It may be tough to get to completely know such a person. But once you do,
you always know where you stand in such a person's life. There are no mixed signals and dilly dallying!

Bucket  2:
This bucket of traits is the most prevalent.
Social, harmless people pleasers, good hearted, empathetic, reasonably secure and intelligent.

Fun to be around. Seem to be always surrounded  friends. Reliable for the most part. Confident and secure while they have validation from a sub set of people. Not mean. Do not expect undivided attention from anyone. Can be good listeners. Love having conversations on different topics, even if not aligned to their likes and dislikes.

People pleasing is not an easy task. For the most part, unable to take a stand when it matters. Trying to please all people all the time can be tough and lead to unnecessarily complicated relations.

May be tough to figure out where you stand in such a person's life! As long as you know that, good to have them around.

Bucket 3:
Social, people pleasers, good hearted, seekers, insecure

Fun to be around. Seem to be always surrounded by friends, but unfortunately feel no number of friends is enough. Essentially good hearted but insecurities make a mean streak surface intermittently and the demand for attention can be draining. Can be good listeners and conversationalists, if the topic interests them.

Always seeking more in terms of quality of life and relationships. Lack confidence and require constant validation from people around.  Expect undivided attention from everyone they know, without being able to reciprocate. Can be intermittently insensitive when insecurities take hold. Unable to sustain attention in topics that do not interest them.
Impossible to figure out where you stand in such a person's life because of dilly dallying and flakiness!

Good to be around them as long as it's fun and the whining doesn't get annoying!

Bucket 4:
I prefer to call this "the all about me" bucket.

Such folks need a lot of attention and control. They do what works for them at a specific point of time, as long as they get the attention and control they seek. Sometimes reliable, sometimes not. Sometimes mean, sometimes not. Sometimes friendly , sometimes not. They do what it takes as long as it's about them getting the attention they need to survive!

Pros: Probably get transient kicks and highs when one gets the attention they seek.

Cons: Life in general can be tough with a lot of need for attention.

Keep them at a distance?

Bucket 5:
Then of course there are some overall mean spirited people! The only time they get a kick is when they get a good  laugh at someone else's expense or one upmanship on another person.

Pros: Can't see any

Cons: Spread of negativity

Better keep them at a super, super distance?

I think I know which bucket I want to/should aim to be in and which buckets of traits I want to be surrounded by!

Do you?

1 comment:

NetworkedBlogsViaFacebook said...

Dipanjan Das
Dehu Rajkhowa
Preetam Rajkhowa
Romen Goswami like this


Sukanya Bora:

did nt realize you are a behaviorist!!. Tell me which bucket i fall into...feedback pliss.

April 1 at 3:03pm

Priyanka Rajkhowa:

LOL Rims....this blog post is meant for introspection!! Knowing you, it's bucket 1 of course !

April 1 at 3:42pm

April 10, 2014 at 7:33 AM