The lessons children teach us...

As parents, I am sure each of us strives to provide the best we can for our children...we want to take care of all their needs(emotional,physical,material) to the 'best' of our ability...that's  what drives most of our lives once a child is born...we want to feed them the 'healthiest' food  out there...dress them up in the 'trendiest' clothes out there...provide them with the 'best' of education ...provide them with the 'best' development opportunities...show them the world...expose them to the diversity and uniqueness of cultures, cuisines, people,life! We strive to do the 'best'  we can for our children, based on our life situation.

Of course, the definition of "best" and what we strive to provide our kids with, evolves and changes as we progress through life, as the economics associated with various life phases change and as our knowledge of the "best of the best" and it's relevance to our lives evolves. Having said that, I am sure each one of us also strives to make sure that our children have balanced lives...We want them to value what they have...emotional and material ...We want them to realize that they can't always get what they want...We want them to value the people in their lives...We want them to value and treasure all the good things that they are fortunate enough to be born with...without taking any of it for granted.

That's always a big parenting challenge...striving to provide the 'best' for your children, while teaching them to value what they have and teaching them to learn to live without a lot of the material objects of affection, if the need arises...material needs and objects, which are always good to have but not necessarily essential to live a happy life...and most importantly to consciously get them into the habit of giving back to causes and people in the world, in need.

Now coming back to the point of this post. Since Raya's birth, in an effort to provide what we feel is "healthy food" for our child, at home, we try to make sure that fruits, vegetables, dairy and meat products we get for her are "organic". "Organic food" is of course the buzz word doing the rounds of health and fitness fanatics. In fact some non-believers of the health benefits of organic food products, consider it just a fad. Certified organic products are relatively more expensive than non organic produce. For now, we want to and can afford organic produce , so we buy it. Tomorrow if we get to a situation where we can no longer afford to buy organic produce or choose not to, we will not buy it. Essentially for 'D' and 'I', buying "organic" food is not and  will never be a necessity . However what fascinated and scared me  was the fact that our little toddler has recently taken a fancy to the word "organic".

Yesterday when 'D' took her grocery shopping...she literally guided 'D' to the aisle where "organic" strawberries were available...that was obviously a source of amusement and laughter for folks shopping in the vicinity.. Then when I asked her yesterday, what fruit she wanted to have, Ms. Raya asked me, "Mama, do you have "organic" grapes?"...OMG!

Needless to say, I was taken aback...

I was amused and laughed out loud, while involuntarily cringing and wanting to cry...Is that possible at all? I guess it is because that's literally how I felt.

What amused me was her fascination with the word "organic" and the tone in which she used it...it can be pretty amusing hearing "organic grapes" from a toddler's mouth...what scared me was the fact that 'D' and I may have inadvertently and unconsciously made her feel that only "organic" food is what is good for her and what she should be having...that was absolutely not our intention...while we want to make sure she has "healthy" food, as we know it, and whenever possible...while we want her to be aware of what "organic" food may be...we definitely don't want to make that an absolute necessity in her life ...and we definitely don't want her to grow up into one of those kids/teenagers shouting out, "I eat only organic!"..."I don't eat anything 'non-organic'" ....Oh gosh, how I have laughed and rolled my eyes  at those "snooty" teenagers and adults alike...serves me right,  I guess, you would say!

My little toddler, with her fascination for the word "organic", in the strangest of ways, has reiterated an important parenting lesson..and that is, not to forget how important  it is to bring up a well balanced child...to strive to provide the best for your child, while making them realize that  nothing  is absolutely essential and necessary other than love, life and health!

Oh well...the lessons children teach us...for now, while I amuse myself with various 'toddler uses' of  the word "organic", work has already begun to rectify the associated parenting flaw and minimize long term impacts of this specific word fascination...so wish me luck!:)

The magic of the 'dhak'...

It's 'Durga Ashtami' today...If you ask me what 'Ashtami' is, all that I will be able to tell you, without 'Google search' coming to my rescue, is that it's the second big day of Durga puja, a festival that's celebrated with a lot of fervor in the part of India I come from. I don't know how many of you have heard the Durga puja 'dhak'( I have attached a sound clip at the end of this post). It is a traditional form of playing a specific type of drum during the pujas, as 'aarti' of the deity is performed. It's the part of Durga puja I love the most and it still gives me goose bumps. The resounding beats of the 'dhak' bring back memories of family get togethers, happy faces, beautiful, carefree childhood days and fills me with an overwhelming feeling of nostalgia and optimism!

I spent the formative years of my life in one of the most beautiful, picturesque hill stations of India...Shillong. While I hear it's changed a lot and is not the same any more, nevertheless the memories of Shillong I have are indelible...the charm of living in the land of mountains and hills in the clouds...the serenity associated with the whistling sound of the wind blowing through the pine trees...the calm that is brought in by the tip tapping sound of rain on the rooftop...the most delicious Indo Chinese food...and a lot more :)

Associated with these memories of Shillong are memories of those annual trips that we made to our grandparents' home in Guwahati during Durga puja (around September/October) every year. There was always a lot of fervor associated with the celebration of this festival, primarily because it was an occasion when the entire family got together...dressing up in new clothes, hanging out with the cousins at home and in my grandmom's maternal home(where they had a family pandal and
puja by the mighty Brahmaputra), chit chatting, playing with toy water pistols, pandal hopping...this was a once a year tradition that was a much 'looked forward to' period for the entire family. The few questions we had about the purpose of the puja too were answered very non-specifically by the parents and grandparents, highlighting only the good associated with each aspect of Indian mythology! Of course, that was the era before  google, wikipedia and the broader internet. So we, the kiddos, were pretty happy with the answers we got, given that they were all 'feel good' explanations:)

I have grown up to be a  non-'traditionalist', though...I guess I would be better off qualifying that statement because a statement like this has the potential for generating a lot of arguments...I do have immense respect for cultural and religious traditions...I love the camaraderie that different forms of cultural and religious traditions evoke...let's just say I don't like following traditions for the sake of tradition. However I have to admit, I am often guilty of following or not following a tradition/ritual just to make someone near and dear to me happy or just to revel in the sense of camaraderie that following a  ritual evokes.

Having said that, I am not an athiest. Neither am I an agnostic. I have faith. I believe in God. I pray. Is that possible without being a traditionalist? I believe it is, because I am and I always have been!

With a three year old in tow now, and that too someone who has a phlethora of questions all the time...why's and how's about everything on earth... these days I often find myself 'googling' for answers specific to religious and cultural rituals and traditions, more so with the onset of the Indian holiday season.Given the enormous options children have these days of finding out information,
I really want to make sure I articulate concepts associated with traditions and rituals in a way that doesn't make my little one doubt me as she grows up:)

I have found though that more often than not it's tough providing a logical/rational explanation for a tradition or ritual! The fanfare and celebratory part of Indian traditions and rituals aside, the only problem I have is when I dive deeper into the origins of some of the  traditions and  rituals (across cultures). The origins don't always lend themselves well to either my mind or my heart, given that a lot of the time, they inherently endorse the sense of entitlement of one gender over the other or one section of the society over another, encourage superstitions, validate the possibility of wiping away
conscious wrong doings/sins with the performance of a ritual!

Having grown up in a family that's very diverse and widely cross pollinated (for lack of a better term) across cultures, religions and nations, and also having always had a very diverse set of friends, I have been exposed to the traditions of diverse cultures, religions and nations. I don't ever remember being explicitly or implicitly being coerced to follow any specific ritual, though. Neither do I have any intention to enforce anything on my children.

Having said that, I do wish that I could fill Raya's life with the kind of memories I have of these festivities, because the memories are what have real meaning for me than any deep rooted meaning associated with the origin of the festivities.

We visited a a couple of Durga Puja celebrations here in the Northern Virginia area last week. At the end of a session's puja, the aarti and the 'dhak' gave me goose bumps, like it always has and took me back to those days when we ran around pandals with cousins and basked in the feeling of being together. It had nothing to do with the tradition itself. But it had everything to do with the people and memories associated with the tradition.

Today all that I wish for is the wisdom to be able to help Raya learn to revel in the feeling of wellness, optimism, magic and hope that some of these traditions evoke , without feeling burdened by lack of logic associated with the origin of a lot of them!:)

Leaving you with a sound clip of the traditional "Durga puja" dhak!! On this day of MahaAshtami, may you feel uplifted and hopeful for the year that lies ahead as the resounding beats of the 'dhak' reach a crescendo!

"Handsfree pandonia"...

Being a very typical Libran, I tend to be quite laid back about life...good or bad, that aspect of my personality extends itself to my parenting style too, more often than not.


Last evening, an urge to check out if my parenting style lends itself to anything out there in the big internet universe, made me do a quick google search on "parenting types". The search came back with some pretty
fascinating results.


Exotic classification of parenting techniques, the most fascinating of which were:"tiger moms", "wolf dads", "panda moms/dads", "helicopter parent", "landmower parent", "free range parent", "attachment parent", "dragon mom", "handsfree parents" and believe it or not the "pinterest perfect parent". The last one literally made me ROFL.


Well where do 'D' and I fit in! Hard to say but let's look at the above 10 types and see if we fit in, if at all.


1. Tiger mom/parents:
This is what urban dictionary has to say about tiger moms, "A mother who is overly strict with her child in order to foster an academically competitive spirit. This form of upbringing is intended to direct a child towards financially successful careers at the potential risk of feeling emotionally unfulfilled and/or socially inept."


As much as we would like our child/children to have a reasonably comfortable lifestyle, I think "D" and "I" are probably on the same page on this...no "tiger" parenting please.


2. Wolf parenting:
Apparently this requires even more stringent disciplining than tiger parenting and not just that , disciplining extends to corporal punishment...really.!!!


So this goes off our list immediately.


3.Panda mom/dad/parent :
This sounds really cute. Who doesn't love pandas, after all . According to cafe mom's definition, this category of parents is "Happy to parent with cuddliness, but not afraid to show some claw" . Essentially parents who are fun and loving but no pushover.


'D' falls into this category for sure.


Good one to be in myself, but let me go through the entire list before trying to fit myself into any specific category.


4. Helicopter parents:
The type of parent that hovers around the child all the time, not allowing the child too much independence and space to do anything on their own!


5.Landmower parents:
This type of parent removes an obstacle from in front of the child, even before that obstacle gets time to settle in. Mom or dad has already mowed the obstacle down, before the child gets to know what it was. Again Cafe Mom says,"Think the dad who does his kid's homework for him or the mom who wouldn't dream of letting her little snowflake having to clean his own room. These parents insist on making everything easy peasy for their kids".

Having been taught to be adaptable and learning to find our way through life's obstacles pretty much independently, this doesn't sound like 'D' and my cup of tea!

6. Free range parent:
Now as much as this sounds like the organic buys at the neighborhood grocery store, in layman's terms, this is hands off parenting. Now what does "hands off" parenting exactly imply? There are varying degrees of this kind of parenting, but essentially this parenting style is the polar opposite of helicopter parenting...in the very extreme, it would mean letting an independent 7 year old take a subway by himself, taking your kids to the park and leaving them all alone there . If this sounds alright to you and you feel it shouldn't  require a call to the  state social services , well then you are a free range parent.

7. Attachment parent:
Parents who are obsessed about co sleeping, breast feeding, baby wearing so on and so forth. They feel that physical attachment is the only thing that has the ability to nurture long term child-parent attachment.

So let me tell you my story in this context. Before and after Raya was born, I time and again read about and was told about the benefits of breast milk.
The benefits of breast milk made complete sense to me , pre and post Raya's birth. Now after Raya was born, she had issues latching on for the purpose of nursing. She would cry and cry out of hunger and the lactation specialist, a firm proponent of attachment parenting, would insist that I should still keep trying to nurse her directly, instead of pumping out the little breast milk I was making. I kept asking the lactation specialist just one thing, "As long as Raya gets breast milk, what difference does it make whether she gets it through direct nusrsing or through pumped milk". She did not have any logical reasoning to provide me with other than giving me the kind of look that made be feel how horrible a mother I was even to be asking that question. But of course, I  being I, made the call, with the moral support of dear and dear ones . Instead of speding hours trying to help Raya latch on, I pumped breast milk 4-5 times a day, fed Raya the pumped milk and supplemented with infant formula when needed.


Result: I had a happy, well fed smiling baby to cuddle! And no lack of attachment, at least for the past 2.5 years! While huddling/cuddling my baby and physical closeness is what I really look forward, attachment parenting philosophies like forced breast feeding , when it's not yielding results is definitely not my cup of tea!


Who knows maybe my detachment from certain aspects of attachment parenting techniques will show not so good results in the future! Only time will tell though!


8.Dragon mom:
I love this one!!


It's about being fierce and loyal and loving as hell, as a parent. It's also about living in the moment with your kids and loving them for who they are right now, not for the Ivy league education you dream they'll get or the grandchildren they could one day give you.


Goes into the styles I want to nurture in myself along with 'Panda' parenting.


9. Handsfree parenting:
Letting go of internal and external distractions to concentrate on building a relationship with your child by talking to them/listening to them and channelizing your own and the child's energies to help build meaningful lives and to become socially conscious . As abstract as this sounds initially, I think I understand absolutely what this style entails. Distractions to be let go off include  stressful work, big "to do" lists, lofty ambitions requiring
time away from children, and other petty day to day matters. More about this in a blog I closely follow:http://www.handsfreemama.com/about-me/

10.Pinterest perfect parenting: This one's here for the big laughs :)


So well, what's my parenting style or rather what parenting style do I aspire to nurture!!


For lack of creativity, let's call it "Handsfree Pandonian"(Handsfree + Panda + Dragonian ) !! Or maybe you can help me put together a better term for this. It's however, not by chance, that the second word sounds like "pandemonium". A mixture of too many parenting  principles is bound to be a cause of some level of pandemonium.


But who knows, maybe I can actually make it work miracles! Only time will tell!

So  a "Handsfree Pandonian" parent with a my own personal twist, it is, I am aiming to be for now !!


Happy parenting!

Shaking it like Shammi...

Parenting is exhausting for sure, but then let's just say it comes with its share of sometimes not so obvious 'perks'. More often than not, at the end of the day, once Raya is off to bed, and I finally have a chance to reflect on the day's happenings, there are way too many 'toddler' incidents and situations that bring smiles, to my face, than scowls!!

Of course, toddler tantrums abound. This blog post contains  some tid bits about the entertaining portions of my 'toddler parenting days'...incidents and situations that keep me grounded and happy, when toddler 'parenting' blues threaten to engulf me.

As of now (yes as of Feb, 2014), 'Mamma' is Raya's 'fav' parent. That translates to shouts for "I want only mamma. I want only mamma" and 'mamma' being essentially needed to do all the hard work (bathing her, dressing her up, potty time, teeth brushing, putting her to sleep, reading time ...you get the gist) while 'Baba' dear gets to do all the fun stuff...play time...puzzle time...lego time...choo choo train time...tv time...not too bad a deal for not being the 'fav' parent of the moment, I guess...but oh well, loyalties keep changing fast as far as a 2.5 year old is concerned :). Let me relate a recent incident to prove this point of ever shifting loyalties. It made 'D' and I literally ROFL.

The way our usual morning looks like is this:
Raya wobbles her way from her room to our bed at around 4:30-5:00 am with her entourage of 'ninny's' (aka blankies, an entourage of exactly 4 blankies, she cannot do without, at sleep time). She comes to my side of the bed, climbs over my body onto the bed, slumps and goes off to sleep for another couple of hours. Thereafter 'D' is officially the first one to wake up in the morning. He gets Raya's cup of milk to the bed. She drinks her milk and from then on, it's 'only mamma' time. Brushing teeth..'only mamma'...help with the potty...'only mamma'...dressing her up....'only mamma'...brushing her hair...'only mamma'....dropping off to Toucans(her classroom)...that's for baba, but only after I answer in the affirmative to her question, 'You pick me from Toucans, mamma?!!'. Oh well, I am 'loving' the love while it lasts!! :)

Coming back to the tale of shifting loyalties, so on one such morning, after the 'only mamma' sessions, 'D' (he had an overnight work trip planned for that day), was about to head out of the home with Raya and was saying to her,"Raya...I am going to Richmond today for work. I will not come back this evening. I will see you tomorrow. Don't trouble mama." A second later, pat comes Raya's reply, "No baba, don't go to 'Richmound'"..."I want only you"..."I want only you"..."I don't want mamma"...LOL...now you know what I mean about quick  shifts in loyalties among 2.5 year olds:) That evening, in D's absence, started with whimpers of 'Where is Baba?','Where is Baba'.'I want Baba'. But we managed. DD came back the next evening from his tour, and after the usual exchange of hugs, kisses, huddles and cuddles between father and daughter, while they were playing with lego blocks, 'D' started troubling Raya again. I don't remember what exactly the issue was , but I think he was hiding and not giving her the blocks she was asking for. First Raya started with, 'Give me red block, Baba'...'Give me red block, Baba'...When 'D' didn't pay heed, she started complaining to me..."Mamma, Baba not listen to me"..."Mamma, Baba not listen to me"...and that was followed by..."Go back to 'Richmound', Baba!"....ha ha ha ha...another one that brought on rolls of laughter.

So that's that. Other than that, the Das household these days is in constant chatter mode!

Here are some tidbits of conversations that have lingered on in my mind and will be best remembered if captured in writing.

Scene 1:

I fill my water bottle with a few ice cubes and water and am drinking from it. Raya notices it and of course, starts saying, "I want ice, mamma"...
"I want ice in my 'bouttle'" (Oh toddlers and their obsession with ice).  Of course, I refuse to give her any. She gets really annoyed and in a raised voice says, "Mammaaa...I want ice in my 'bouttle'". I refuse again. Now she is really annoyed, on the verge of crying, but still putting up the fight , and in a slightly more raised tone of voice , "Mammaaaaa...you have ten ice...give me one ice in my 'bouttle' please"!!! The 'please' kind of trumped me. Did I have a choice but to give in!

Scene 2:

We were having the usual conversation about whether Raya resembles 'D' or I with some friends. So I was saying, Raya has 'D's eyes. 'D' then said to Raya, "So Raya, do you have my eyes?". Pat comes her reply,"No baba, you have my eyes!" LOL.

Scene 3:

Over the weekend, we had a few friends visiting from out of town. They have a daughter,'A' (Aanya) . Raya and 'A' bonded well over the period of the first day, after some initial hiccups. In the evening, Raya had to go to another friend's birthday party and 'A' was at home. I, of course, had to run around Raya throughout the party(she being more than her usual bundle of energy) and by the end of it, I was exhausted. Post the party, as I slumped into the seat in the car after strapping Raya up in her car seat, I hear Raya taking out stuff from her goody bag and then she says, "Mama, where is 'Aanya's' goody bag. I want to take goody bag for 'Aanya'". For all the exhaustion that parenting brings on, all the the prep talk about 'sharing' and 'caring', and for all the times, when asking her to share with kids of the same age, proves a struggle, moments like these make it all worthwhile!

Leaving you with a video of Raya 'Shaking it like Shammi'. Happy parenting !

Another day...another year...

2013 has whizzed past...

As compared to the same time last year, some things have changed ...

- I am a few pounds lighter(it's a different thing that I still have 20 more pounds to shed to reach my target weight). Baby steps perhaps, but steps nevertheless :)

- 'D' is a few  pounds healthier and blames it all on all the delicious food I feed him (LOL...btw, complete pun intended here , for the benefit of all those who don't know me well enough!!)

- Our parents have found a few more reasons to worry about now, with a growing grand child in the fold...is Raya eating well...is Raya sleeping well...is Raya playing well...does Raya remember us...you get the gist!:) 

- My younger, commitment phobic, brother seems to be closer to leading a commitment phobia free life ! 

- I seem to be steps closer to reviving my reading habits. Managed to read 8 out of the 12 books, I had challenged myself to read at the beginning of the year! Have been able to pick writing back up as well. Personally for me,
that's an achievement with having to run around an active toddler in the household, taking priority over everything else.

- Our list of places to travel to/cuisines to try before we die is shorter by a few entries.

- I am a few steps closer to mastering the professional skills I had set out to build.

- We have made some progress in achieving our goal of giving back to the community in kind. In 2014, I will hopefully be able to spend more time and physical effort on such ventures, more specifically related to education of the girl child and poverty stricken/abused children.

- My little girl is growing up faster than we would like her to:(...And these days, much like Joey (from 'FRIENDS') , she asks,"Hey...What u doing , mamma?" .

Her favorite phrases these days are "Hey guys!"..."Know that?"..."What u doing?"

Her favorite books are "Brown bear" by Eric Carle and "The Giving Tree" by Shel Silverstein

Her favorite TV shows are "Dora the Explorer" and "Minnie Mouse Bowtique".

Her favorite songs are,"I like to move it" and "Hokey Pokey".

Her favorite activities are making tea and coffee in her kitchen and serving everyone, building blocks with lego and letting her hair down and 'jump dancing' in the rain and snow :).

- On a more serious note, our families have had to learn to live without two important people of our lives, 'D's atama(maternal grandmom) and my jethpeha(my maternal uncle). The only consolation is that both of them led lives that were personally and professionally fulfilling. And they leave behind a legacy that would need a lot of hard work to sustain.

As compared to the same time last year, here are some things that haven't changed...

- My eternal optimism...

- Our marital status... (Jokes apart , this seems be something we need to keep track of now, given the rate at which relationships are failing and marriages crumbling, more so, to stop getting complacent and to keep the spark alive:))      

- My piano and guitar strumming skills... ( I think I'll just have to join Raya in her classes)

As for resolutions for the new year, like I mentioned in one of my earlier posts, on the personal front, I never really make objective/measurable resolutions for myself...My resolutions are always hazy, more in the likes of read more, sleep less, write more, weigh less, dump the piano, pick up the guitar, work hard, party harder...You get the gist! None of my personal resolutions are such that I can look back at the year gone by and objectively declare their fruition/failure. It’s great that I, at least, have ‘SMART’ (in managerial lingo, 'Specific Measurable Achievable Realistic Timebound') professional objectives for 2014...that will keep my life balanced as far as resolutions are concerned, for sure. A complete dearth of objectives for a new year could potentially deem life directionless whereas too many ‘SMART’ personal and professional resolutions can make a year of life end up becoming one helluva marathon with no finish line in sight !

We ended 2013 with a road trip along the Pacific Coast Highway of the United States, driving from Los Angeles to Santa Clara, with pit stops at the Terranea Resort , Palos Verdes...Santa Monica...Santa Barbara...Pismo Beach...San Louis Obispo...Morro Bay...Big Sur...Carmel...Monterey. Managed to squeeze in a side trip to the Napa valley as well.

The best part of the trip was, though, catching up and spending some quality time with 'D' and my college buddies. Having almost grown up together through the ups and downs of the four years of undergrad hostel life, it reinforced our belief that these are the only friendships that probably never go stale...over a period of time, most friends and acquaintances come and go...but with school/college buddies, you can always pick up from where you left off...relive memories, drink, eat, argue, debate about random/controversial topics, speak your heart out without being judged and still maintain the pristinity of the relationship, no matter what!

What better way to start a new year than with the reinforcement of this belief!

Happy New Year folks!

The 'why' of a goodbye...

Yesterday, my parents left for home, in India, after a two and a half month stay with us.

We've been trying to mentally prepare Raya for this for the past couple of days, telling her that her "Ma and Koka need to go back to their own home in India"...That " Mamma, Baba and Raya will visit them soon next year" etc. etc. Her initial, vehement , "Ma, Koka ...No go to India ! Ma, Koka...No go to India!" changed to "I want to go to India too!" yesterday morning, followed by a major meltdown ( uncontrollatable shrieks for 'Koka' and 'Ma' ) at the airport, seeing them leave, as they made their way down to the terminal on the escalator.

Goodbyes are tough for the kiddos, for us, and I think more so for the grandparents, whose lives generally tend to revolve around their grand children as age catches on!

I am so glad Raya was able to spend some quality time with D's mom as well as my parents this year! The 'toddler turning into a spoilt brat' factor aside , I think time spent with grandparents enriches the lives of little ones like nothing else can and there is absolutely no substitute for grand parental affection!

We managed to calm Raya down yesterday, after a big struggle, telling her about how she could still talk to 'Ma'/'Koka' on the phone and skype  with them like she does with her Ata. We gave her a ride on what she calls the
"excalator" (escalator) and tried our best to distract her with other stuff.

Today morning she  woke up with the question,
"Mamma ...Ma, Koka gone to India in excalator?...Why mamma?"

While I managed to put together an answer to her "Why mamma?" , the look on her face, as she asked me the question, broke my heart!

Goodbyes are tough indeed! Tougher, when you have to explain the "why of a goodbye" to a little toddler!

P.S:
Raya calls her maternal grandmom, 'Ma'...her maternal granddad, 'Koka'...her paternal grandmom, Ata and her paternal granddad, Dadu.

"My's" is the new buzzword...

...in the Das household. In case you are wondering what "My's" is, let me explain. It sounds like "Mize", means "Mine" and it's "the word"  Raya has begun to use these last few days to assert that something belongs to her.

It's amazing to observe how a child's cognitive, verbal communication skills evolve and the challenges that we, as parents, have to face to make sure that we are able to nurture the inherent goodness,resilience and curiosity that each kid is born with.

So a couple of months back, Raya started becoming aware of the fact that she was a separate 'entity' (I am not particularly fond of using this word in the human context, but oh well no other synonymous word immediately comes to mind) from her 'Mamma', 'Baba' and the rest of the world.

She began saying stuff like, "Raya cup" or just pointing to an object that she believed belonged  to her and saying "Raya's". Similarly she would point to my purse or something that she believed belonged to me and go "Mamma bag" or just say "Mamma's"...point to 'D's car and say "Baba caw" or "Baba's"...point to her grandmom's sandals and say, "Ata's"...point to a pen being used by her teachers (she absolutely adores them) at day care and say "Holly's /Ms Holly's" or "Kiki's/Ms Kiki's"...essentially she had begun associating material objects with people and talking in the third person.

These last few days though, instead of using "Raya's" to assert that something belongs to her and thus implicitly indicating that everyone else should keep their hands off it, she has started saying "My's" and "You's" , the "My's" being more proliferant than the "You's" ,of course...LOL. Funny as it sounds , it is probably her first attempt to comprehend and speak in the first person. That aside, the proliferant use of "My's" has meant repeated urges and prep talks by 'D' and me, to make her understand the importance of sharing. Needless to say , it's a challenge to make a toddler understand that everything in the world doesn't belong to her or work like she wants it to. Inculcating the notion of sharing and patience in a toddler is a challenge, but I personally feel, it's one of the most important aspects of parenting...more so because these notions sow the seeds of feeling empathy and compassion for others, as the child grows into an adult. Of course nature and a child's inherent personality is one of the things that determines what a child grows up to be. But the least we can do, as parents, is to try and  nurture their inherent goodness to the best of our ability.

So yesterday so we had a couple of friends visiting us with their kiddos. Before they came in, I sat Raya down and gave her a prep talk,"Raya...we all know that these are your toys. But you have friends visiting , so you will have  to share all your toys with them ok". I repeated the sentence one more time to make sure I had all her attention. She first said,'Yeah, mamma'...and then followed it with,'Yeah, mamma...share'...the first part of my day's mission of teaching Raya to share having been accomplished, I waited to see how the evening would unfold. I should say she did reasonably well. I have observed a prep talk more often than not does it's magic. There are some days more difficlut than others though when tantrums seem to rule the day. Yesterday evening, the number of "My's" reaching my ears were
minimal and the other kids were playing with her toys without much intervention while she played along with them or by their side. But of course, that was yesterday. Today is a different day and with a toddler in the home, every day comes with it's own set of challenges.

On a slightly different note, here are some snippets of recent conversations in Raya'ingo' in our houshold that I wanted to pen down before
they get pushed to the  abyss of my mind to become distant memories:

Scene 1:
I ask Raya : "What is your name?"

Raya replies : Raya ("Yaya" has finally become "Raya" now)

I ask her again : "What is your full name?"

Raya replies (after considerable thought) : Raya Das

I ask Raya : "What is mamma's name?"

Raya replies : Mamma Das (This came spontaneously and brought  oodles of laughter from me before I could  proceed with any further questions)

I ask Raya : "What is baba's name?"

Raya replies : Baba Das...

I ask Raya : "What is Aata's name?" (She calls her paternal grandmom Aata)

Raya replies : Aata Das...

I ask Raya : "What is koka's name?" (She calls her maternal granddad koka)

Raya replies : Papa (I guess that comes from the fact that I call him papa:))


I ask Raya : "What is ma's name?" (She calls her maternal grandmom ma)

Raya: No response

I prompt her : Dehu

Raya echoes : Diu

Scene 2:

After the above conversation, 'D' took it on himself to teach Raya what our actual names are and he did a reasonably good job of it I should say.
So now, conversations like the above progress as follows:

I ask Raya : "What is mamma's name?"

Raya replies : Panka

I ask Raya : "What is baba's name?"

Raya replies : DD

I ask Raya : "What is baba's full name?"

Raya replies : D'paanan Das (This answer comes back only if she's in the
right mood:) )

I ask Raya : "What is Ata's name?"
Raya replies  : KD (That's what she has been taught, her grandmom's name being "Kalyani Das' :) )

I ask Raya : "What is koka's name?"

Raya replies : Papa

I ask Raya : "What is ma's name?"

Raya replies : Diu

Scene 3:

'D' and I are having an animated conversation and we are laughing at something silly I did. 'D' playfully slaps my back. Raya absolutely doesn't like it and pop comes her angry reaction aimed at 'D' and she says, "Baba...Baba...Mamma,Boo Boo...Huggie...Kiss", pointing at me...when DD gave me a peck on the cheek in response to her urge, it brought the biggest grin to her face...LOL

Scene 4:

Our landline rings, she points to the phone and says, "Phone...Ma...Koka". She calls her maternal grandparents "ma" and "koka" respectively and believes that they have proprietary rights to call on the landline. If anyone else does, she is not a happy baby :)

Scene 5:

Right or wrong, I have my own bag full of tricks to get hudddles, cuddles, hugs and kisses from my munchkin. So last Saturday, I was skyping with my parents. I was sitting cross legged on the floor and Raya was holding on to my shoulders and trying to stand on my legs. I was like, "Raya...mamma is getting hurt"...When saying that a couple of times didn't help, I pretented to cry and said, "Raya...mamma..boo boo"..."Raya...mamma..boo boo"... I immediately got a big bear hug from my munchkin accompanied with , "Mamma...huggie...mamma huggie"..."Mamma...no cry"..."Mamma...no cry"....It's a different thing that I could cry all day to get that hug and hear that version of "Mamma...no cry"...LOL...

Her current favorite Bollywood numbers are Mika Singh's , "Mere Agal Bagal"... "Kashmir se Kanyakumari" and D's all time favorite "Om Shanti Om" from Karz...She even attempts to sing along with these too...and her current favorite nursery rhymes are what she calls, "Eee..Wee...Spyder" (Incy Wincy Spider) and "Ol..Ga...gaas" (Old Mac Donald). Other than that, in Raya'ingo', 'butterfly' is 'bug fly'...'remote' is 'motot'...'medicine' is 'mecidine'...'swimming pool' is 'swinging pool' ...so on and so forth :)

So that's that. Raya will turn two in a couple of weeks. It's an exciting and challenging phase of parenting. It's also a very important phase of Raya's as well as our lives,as parents, as she begins to learn the ways of the world and take baby steps towards becoming more and more independent. Bitter...sweet...it is, this feeling of your baby growing up.

But for now, "My's" is the buzzword in our home and "Sharing" is the mantra ruling our lives.

Raya'ingo'

Scene 1:

'D' is sitting on the couch watching the Andy Murray-Djokovic Wimbledon final on TV...Raya comes up and tries to squeeze herself between 'D' and the edge of the couch...
When she is unable to make space for herself she first points to 'D' and then to the couch and says,"Baba push...baba push" (read Baba "move")...LOL

Scene 2:

I am driving Raya back from day care and just out of the blue,I ask her..."What is your name"...She immediately says "Yaya"(She still can't pronounce her R's)...I tell her "Raya Das"...
I come back home, ask her again "What is your name?"...Pop comes the answer, "Yaya Das"...You know how excited mothers tend to get at such "achievements" ...lol...so I try a third time...
"What is your name?"...She stares back at me, with an annoyed look that says, "Didn't I just tell you that? Stop asking me the same question"...Lesson learnt...no repetitive questioning...the only way to make her learn and remember is to keep it spontaneous...the same question asked every once in a while still evokes the right answer as long as the question is not repeated again and again within a short period of time...otherwise you will get a puzzled, annoyed glare instead of a response...LOL

Scene 3:

Raya is sitting on her high chair...watching her favorite Mickey Mouse and Goofy on the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse show. Something in the show makes her burst out giggling...She can't stop giggling...and after a few seconds of unstoppable giggles, she says "Mamma...Mamma..Yaya fuunny...Yaya funnny.." ...and continues laughing...

Scene 4:

I am busy reading a  book...'D' is busy on his laptop....Raya plays around with her crayons and paper for like 15 mins on her own...then out of the blue, we hear her say, "Mamma...Yaya boo boo...Baba...Yaya...boo boo"...Of course, not having noticed anything that may have caused a "boo boo", I ask her..."Raya where did you get a boo boo?". She looks at me for a second, puzzled...turns and looks at 'D' for another moment...pauses for a moment and then raises her fingers and says, " Mamma...Yaya...boo boo fingaars"..."Mamma...Yaya..boo boo fingaars"...'D' and I just burst out laughing...Pop comes another Raya giggle...and with that, "Mamma...Yaya funny"..."Mamma...Yaya fuuunny"......Btw..."Yaya...boo..boo" is the new attention seeking tactic...and the "boo boo" is always on her "fingaars" :)

Scene 5:

I smell poop and take Raya up to her room, lay her down on her changing mat and while she plays around with her blankie, I deal with the big mess in the diaper...madam Raya , in the meanwhile is
oblivious to how hard mommy has to work and continues with her constant chatter, "Mamma...eewww..eewwww...diauper dorty...diauper dorty" ...oh well of course...diaper is dirty :)!!!

Scene 6:

Raya and I are sitting in front of the laptop...skyping with my parents, Raya's "Koka" and "Ma"... Raya is sitting on my lap and sipping water...she drops water on her shirt and drenches it..
then says,"Kaapur Titi...Kaapur Titi"..."Kaapur" in Assamese(my mother tongue) means clothes and "Titise" means wet...for obvious reasons, the grandparents couldn't help grinning from ear to ear...:)

Scene 7:

So Raya's loyalties keep shifting between 'D' and 'I'...on some days and weeks, she is an absolute Daddy's girl...on other days and weeks , she is an absolute Mamma's girl!!

A couple of months back, she was a complete Daddy's girl. However since DD went on his one and half week long India trip without us, Raya has been and continues to be a "Mamma's girl". Sometimes that works in my favor, specially when it comes to getting cuddles, hugs and kisses...At other times it doesn't, specially when she wants only me to do all her chores, feeding her, changing her clothes, diapers, putting her to sleep..etc.etc...Oh well...So the other day, we came back from a family dinner...'D' was getting ready to put Raya to sleep...Raya began throwing a tantrum...and came running to me..."Mamma...Mamma..Mamma ...Yaya...chinge...Yaya...sleep"...essentially she wanted me to change her into her night dress and put her to sleep...I tried my hand at playing the little one's trick on her...I told her,"Raya...mamma is tired. Mamma got a boo boo"....She immediately stopped crying, stared at me for a second and without a further tear dropped, she let 'D' put her to sleep...'D' says she asked for me once thereafter,...but he told her again, "Mamma got a boo boo"...and that was it...no more trouble...Raya's baba did not have to deal with any more tantrums.While I had said, "Mamma got a boo boo" in  jest, this incident kind of gave me goose bumps...Jokes apart, does this mean that Raya is beginning to feel "empathy"? It may have been a freak incident...or it may have been an actual sensing of "empathy" incident for little Raya...Either way, we have a tough job in hand, as parents...and it scares me...how do we inculcate or nurture feelings of empathy, notions of good and bad, right and wrong in a child? It's tough, scary and another challenging aspect of parenting...for if we mess it up now...all these abstract/fuzzy notions may be messed up forever in her mind:(...So wish us luck please :)

Then of course, she has her own names for songs she loves....

- Shakira's Waka Waka in Raya'ingo' is "Waka moo"
- Remember the Ketchup Song of the late 90's...that in Raya'ingo' is " Eeeh...Aah..Eeeh..Aah"...
- Gangnam Style in Raya'ingo' is "Taaah",,,and she says that with a stomp of her feet...
- Badtameez Dil from Yeh Jawaani Hain Deewani in Raya'ingo' is "Baads..my..aaah"
- Sun Rahan Hain na tu from Aashiqui2 in Raya'ingo' is "new song"
- Jeevan ke din chhote sahin from Bade Dilwale in Raya'ingo' is " lla lla lla..."

She does crack me up with her chosen lingo for identifying favorite songs :)

Other than that...Raya turns two in September...but she is already beginning to get into the defiant/tantrum throwing mode (the terrible twos mode, probably?!)...whenever the cause of a tantrum is completely illogical or incomprehnsible, 'D' and I have realized, the best thing to do is ignore....she generally cries it out for 5 minutes and then comes on her own to us with , "Baba...uggie...Mamma...uggie",  urging us to give her hugs:)

Let's see how long this "ignoring the tantrum" method works. Otherwise though, in general, she pays more heed to what 'D' says than to what I do...if 'D' asks her not to do something vs I telling
her the same...she listens to 'D', she does tend to shove my "Don't do that"'s aside with a smirk...

Oh well...we are learning...we are learning...and Raya is teaching us more than a lesson or two!!! :)

Regrets...

I never really got to say good bye to any of my grandparents...you know what I mean, was never by their bed side when they passed away or when they were not keeping well, was not even there for their final rites...all four of them passed away peacefully, and from what appears, without too much pain...the 'without much pain bit' was a consolation...all of them had led long, fulfilling lives...seen their sons, daughters, grandsons and grandaughters grow up into  people in their own right, being an integral part of their struggles, joys and sorrows as they made it through turbulent and good times...

I have very fond memories of their smiling faces, of the unconditional affection and warmth they showered on us, their grandchildren...in a weird kind of way, among all the memories etched in my mind about times spent with my grand parents, a very specific memory always comes to my mind when I think of each of them:

Koka(my paternal granddad): Giving me a hug and saying,"I am proud of you" the last time  I saw him, a few months before he passed away.

Aita ma(my maternal grandmom): Her infectious smile and how I would my put my head on her chest and love sleeping with her whenever I visited my maternal home...something  that would have the miraculous effect of washing away all my troubles.

Aita (my paternal grandmon): Spending hours in the kitchen to cook some of my favorite dishes and then read out "xadhu kotha"(bed time stories) just before we went to bed during vacations.

Pipi (my maternal granddad): Jumping up in joy in the verandah of my maternal home in Jorhat as he listened to the live commentary of a match winning innings by the Indian cricket team on a  dilapidated radio receiver...

They all had a profoundly positive impact on how my personality developed, as I grew up...whether I
have and will be able to live upto their expectations and become the kind of human being they wanted me to grow up to be, is a question that only time will tell and they would be able to answer...
however my memories of them are of happier times, when they themselves were happy, glowing and full of life !!

When each of them suddenly passed away, I was thousands of miles away...I wept and cried ...my family said there was nothing I could do that would change the fact that they were no more...that I should take consolation in the fact that they had led happy, fulfilling lives...that it would be easier on me to remember the happier times and their smiling faces since I had not seen them when they were down and low...So I made a choice to cherish fond memories of growing up  in their arms, saying thank you from thousands of miles away, without saying a final good bye in person, out of fear of having memories of those glowing, smiling faces erased from my mind forever...I have taken consolation in that fact all these years, and have been content, cherishing the fond memories
that I have of my grandparents...not for once regretting that I was not by their bed side when they passed away because I wanted to remember only their happy, glowing faces...not once regretting that I wasn't a part of their last rites and final journey...not once regretting, until today...

DD's 'Ata ma', 89 year old maternal grandmom, has been in and out of coma these past couple of weeks...the doctors are gradually beginning  to take her off ventilation and life supports systems...the  profoundest impact on DD's life apparently has been his maternal grandmom...I have noticed a restlessness of an altogether different magnitude in him these last couple of days...I can feel this inconsolable need in him to hold her hand and say a final good bye...I try using the same consoling words that my parents and family had used on me when they conveyed the news of each one of my grandparents passing away...What I say makes sense to him, but there is no end to the restlessness...So we've made a decision that he is going to travel to India tomorrow to see his grandmon, who has been in the ICU for the past one month...As I visualize him sitting by her bedside, holding her hand...I weep...I weep for him...and in a very selfish kind of way, I weep for myself...for the first time in my life, I regret not being a part of my grandparents' final journey ...I regret not being able to say a final good bye...of not being by their bed side when they were down and out...all of a sudden,I feel there is no better way to say thank you for being there whenever we've needed them...or maybe, there is...but that, only they know...so I regret and weep nevertheless...

"Vintage" Parents?!:)

So madam Raya is picking up words really fast these days...

She can't pronounce her L's and R's yet...

So "tree" becomes "tee"..."please" becomes "peez"...and "milk(y)" beacomes "meeky"..."marker" is "maaker"..."peekaboo" is "peeboo"..."miss you" is "mizz you"..."c you later" is "c you yaya" ...
so one and so forth...oh well...it's such a fun and interesting age...

Anyways, that's that ...coming to something else...so one of the tasks I have been assigned by Raya's grandparents is to make sure that she learns to pray (or at least appreciates the importance of prayer), after bath and before bedtime...

Yours truly, being an ardent Shridi Sai devotee, every day after Raya's bath time, one of the rituals is to make her sit on my lap in front of my teenie weenie "puja"(prayer) place, ask her to fold her hands in a namaskar (she understands that when I say, "do namoh namoh") , while I say a few mantras...to be more specific, the gayatri mantra and a chant that goes by, "Om Shri Sai Nath Namah"...

So after a couple of these prayer sessions on consecutive days, I began to notice that every day, after splishing splashing in her bath tub and getting dressed, Raya would on her own go to our small "puja ghar" and open the door of the miniature "mandir", fold her hands in a namaskar and then say, 'O Shee, O Shee, O Shee'...Of course, I lost no time in concluding that this was her version
of,  "Om Shri Sai Nath Namah"...I very proudly called up my parents and told them that "teaching Raya to pray mission" was accomplished in record time :)...

But wait,as is often the case with me, I sseemed to have spoken a bit too soon...A couple of days later, Raya sprints around the home, falls down on her knees and out out comes 'O Shee' from her mouth...a day later she drops food on her dress and out comes another 'O Shee' from her mouth...the occurrences of  'O Shee' was becoming a bit too frequent and it was no longer confined to when she is in front of the "puja ghar" or sees a picture of a God /Goddess, it began to pop out of her mouth in situations when she was annoyed...now that is scary for any parent wanting to be a "good parent", if you know what I mean:)...I was definitely not a very happy momma anymore,for while I hoped that 'O Shee' stood for the mantra 'Om Shri Sai Nath ai namah', whether I liked it or not and paradoxical as it may sound, the contexts she was using the phrase in were more those where one was more likely to say "Oh Sh**"...I obviously went into a panic mode...where was she learning this, if it was what we thought it was...do D and I swear that often?! Was it day care?! etc.etc...Thank God it was nothing worse than that etc.etc....the Das household was in a state of comeplete panic...use of all forms of "swear" words were banned with immediate effect...a protocol was set to spell out any "swear" word
whenever there was an urge to use it...and that protocol has been followed to date...believe it or not,that protocol has so far worked two fold...one is of course, we are limiting Raya's exposure to these words to the best of our ability...the second is a rather unexpected and equally beneficial outcome...by the time we reach the last alpahabet while spelling out a "swear" word, our anger/annoyance, which is obviously the trigger for the urge to swear, more often than not wanes off ...now aint't that a perfect example of  killing two birds with one shot !!:)...

So that's that...moving on to something else...Raya seems to have some surreal connection to her Ash mamu (my brother)...despite limited Skype/Phone time with my busy little brother, who lives in Bangalore, he was one of the first ones she recognized in photographs..."Mamu, Mamu"...she would go as soon as she saw his photograph...Soon, of course, to the grandparents relief, she began recognizing them as well, on Skype as well as in photographs...So that made "Koka" (maternal granddad), "Maaa"(maternal granmom"), "Ata"(paternal grandmom) and "Baitu (Bai Jethu)"(paternal uncle) really, really happy...

Paradoxically enough, Raya did not have a name associated with 'D' and I for the longest time ever...The fortune of being addressed by a "deterministic coloquial name" by our little miss
sunshine has finally befallen us...Raya calls/identifies yours tryly as "Mamma" and 'D' as "Baba"...Her latest antic(coming out of her tremendous love for the Baa baa black sheep(she calls it "baa baa shee") nursery rhyme, is to call me "Mamma Shee" and 'D', "Baba Shee"...and believe it or not when it comes out of my teenie weenie baby's mouth, it sounds so much like "Mamma Shri" and "Baba Shri" that it makes D and I feel quite antiquated( In India , when anyone is addressed with a "Shri" prefixed or suffixed to his/her name, it's a sign of great "voluntary/forced " respect)...

So in the age of "momsy", "popsy", "paa", "daa" and all kinds of modern lingo associated with names for one's parents, being called "Mamma Shri" and "Baba Shri" or what sounds like that, makes us
"vintage" parents for now, I guess :)

On that note, happy parenting folks!:)

"Home"...Raya's first India trip...

Three India trips since 'D' and I set up home together, as a couple, here in Northern Virginia, and it's funny how I have gone through the same set of emotions before and after every one of those trips...

We've been relatively fortunate to have our parents/family visit us reasonably often in the last half a decade...So while every time we bid good bye to our parents , the heart strings wreak havoc , the tear glands show no mercy, the knees feel weak...in retrospect, it's comforting to realize that we have been able to spend some quality time with our folks despite setting up "home" so far away from "home"...

Having said that though, every 1.5 to 2 years, there is this sense of urgency to visit India...Assam... "Anandam"...home, as I knew it a decade and a half back...there is this almost irrepressible urge to revisit childhood memories...to be around the folks I grew up with(despite being well aware that most of them are not around anymore:( )...to be engulfed in the aroma of favorite childhood dishes being cooked up in Mom's kitchen...to just sit out in the terrace garden and look out at the horizon of the ever expanding skyline and "land line"( if I may call it that) of my home town of Guwahati...just sit there...do absolutely nothing other than gaze out at the horizon...looking back at what a journey it has been...the distance traveled...where we were...where we are...and looking ahead at what potentially lies ahead in this unpredictable,exciting journey of life...

This India trip was even more special because we went with little Raya in tow...it was her first trip to India ....and boy did she have fun...getting royally pampered by both sets of grandparents, uncles , aunts and bonding ,playing or more appropriately “ bullying” :) her little cousin(D’s niece)!! Other than a few moments in the incredibly long flight journey from Washington to Guwahati, Raya seemed to absolutely love India ... all the attention... the huddles and cuddles from everyone she met...the sounds and views of the people, vehicles and animals on the streets...being able to gaze out of the window of the car and soak in the views without being restrained by the “leashes” of a car seat...the morning and evening strolls with the grandparents...just the general feel of the place and people... let’s just say this...she seemed  absolutely “at home” in India right from the beginning, putting all my apprehensions at bay ...She seemed to soak in, delight in and be fascinated by the transition from the quietness of life in US suburbia to the hustle- bustle of life in Bangalore(where my brother, Ash lives) and Guwahati...from an environment, where folks would be super sweet to her on the streets, but would definitely think twice before touching her, to one, where every second person on the street was pinching her cheeks, without us or them feeling the need to be alarmed....from being strapped up on a high chair in a restaurant here in the US, with coloring paraphernelia/phone/ ipad to keep her engaged so that we , the parents, could have a peaceful , quick dinner before her patience waned out, to being entertained by the servers /waiters in Indian restaurants while we gleefully sipped away at our cocktails and leisurely nibbled away at the food on our plates...I think our little girl did really well :)

Anyone living outside India would agree that a trip to India is always preceded by weeks and months of excited anticipation...In India, of course, we bask in the glory of undivided attention from family and friends, incredible pampering, delicious food, shopping sprees, ”addas”...all along ,engulfed in that sweet and heady feeling of nostalgia...we marvel at how the country has progressed economically...how the skylines and “land line” of the towns and cities are ever expanding...the streets getting broader...crib about the general mindset getting narrower, as the newspaper headlines scream about politicians trying to dictate what “women should wear, how they should talk and walk”...talk about the "reverse brain drain"... gape open mouthed, as we are dealt with punch after punch of “sticker shock”...essentially bask in the glory of a life with no work, but all play, thoughts and talk ...No wonder in those 3-4 weeks , life seems perfect ,  just as it did two decades back....when, as teenagers, all that we had to think about and take care of ,was ourselves ,while everything peripheral  aka managing the household help, cooking ,cleaning, driving, paying the bills ,all household chores was taken care of by someone else...albeit that someone else was “Mama and Papa dear” and their entourage of contacts and helpers....One could get used to living like that, so much so that like I mentioned in my post three years back, before you realize it, you could get spoilt beyond redemption in India , and forced to unequivocably judge where life is better… It is very easy indeed to get carried away by the rosiness of the vacation and “holiday spirit”, where friends and family make all the time for you and for three short weeks set aside the worries that bog them down in their day to day lives...

There were countless instances when I was rhetorically asked that bringing up a child in the US must be tough, without the family/household/societal support system:), especially since I was a working mom!! This question about whether it is more difficult bringing up a child here in the US (as a working mom) vs in India was thought provoking, indeed. I agree that the love, affection, warmth, moral and physical support provided by grandparents and extended family is irreplaceable . I wouldn’t have been able to make it through the first and most important year of Raya’s life without the physical and moral support of my dear parents, and Raya probably wouldn’t have had even half as much fun in the first year of her life or developed like she has, without her grandparents being around for extended periods. But that aside, I have realized that bringing up a child, managing a home, a family, a job , life in general is just as difficult or as easy as you want to make it, no matter where you live…Not that it would have been any easier bringing up Raya if D and I had set up home some place else in India, other than Guwahati …no one would agree with me more on this than my dear friend, Rush, who has set up home in Gurgaon while her parents live down in South India….Given today’s nuclear family set ups, no matter where  home is, at every point, you are faced with a set of challenges…at every point of time, you have a set of choices…you make the choices you make and move on…letting time decide the effect they have on the course of your life…

I enjoy getting royally spoilt ,like I do, every time we are in India...At the end of the three to four weeks of what I like to call “unadulterated all play and no work time”, I am always engulfed with sadness and choke in tears at the thought of yet again leaving behind loved ones and my childhood home in Assam…Paradoxically and funnily enough, however, I am also subconsciously( and I know I have mentioned this before) ready to get back to the grind...to office work, cooking, cleaning, driving, doing the grocery, fighting with D about household chores, paying the mortgage, facing the challenges of bringing up Raya and generally getting back to “real” life...that’s “real”…that’s “life” as I know and love…as long as those  weeks of “unadulterated all play and no work time” keep getting squeezed into our busy lives, ever so often , we should be good, I guess:)…

Having said that though, hopefully we will be able to make more frequent trips back home to Assam with Raya, and also our parents /families will continue to be able to visit us often enough, so that she can grow up with the warmth and affection that only grandparents and family can provide…Fingers crossed…How that pans out, only time will tell….It's definitely tough for us, staying away from our parents and siblings...we miss them so much...but it's even tougher for our parents now, for grandparenthood has given birth to an absolutely different set of emotions that has made their grandchild the absolute centre of their lives ....

For now though, it’s been a good start to the new year for all three of us with the fabulous, refreshing trip from “home” to “home” back “home”, if that makes any sense at all :)

Wish all of you a very happy 2013…may the new year bring in health, love and happiness into all your lives…

"Baby talk"

I didn't realize bringing up a kid requires so much energy ...well for a typical, laid back(some would call it lazy:)) Libran like I am, the amount of energy "virtually" seems three fold...

But one adapts and learns to give up those lazy, lounging, napping, tea drinking, book reading, day dreaming, staring at the woods, "thinking of nothing" afternoons and evenings to do more real things like chasing a little one crawling up and down the stairs, indulging in "Uh oh"s, "Eh"s,"MaMa"s,"Dada"s,"Baba"s, "Mimi"s and all forms of baby talk, reading a board book in a sing song tone for the nth time in a day and looking at the little munchkin staring up at you in awe, as if you were creating magic with the words coming out of your mouth....yes, one adapts to the point where while seemingly longing for some alone time, as soon as the little one is out of the home for a stroll with the grandparents, hubby dear out golfing ,15 minutes alone, the quietness and emptiness of the home gets to me and begins to haunt me...and I thought I could do with some quiet time at home, doing yoga and trying to lose all those extra post partum pounds that I have been struggling to shed:)...well looks like the lazy, laid back Libran has gotten too used to all the action at home, after all....

Anyways that's that...little Raya is growing up real fast...she took her first steps across the room all by herself a couple of days back ... her own excitement at the milestone seemed to know no bounds , as she grinned from ear to ear while trying to clap her hands:)....we transitioned her to her own room...that was a particularly difficult step for me....spent quite a few sleepless nights in the process,wanting to make doubly/triply sure that she would be fine....but realized, that step would only get tougher as she grew older....she is already beginning to have a mind of her own, which could be good or bad...it's funny and sometimes awkward, the way this manifests itself... the other day, we were in an elevator at the mall with 5 other people...Ms Raya turns her head all around checking out each of the other 5 people, staring at each of them for at least a second...one round of checking out having been completed, she turns back to person 2, and smiles at her alone, almost as if she was giving that lady alone the endorsement of approval from among all the 5 strangers "oooh, ahhing" at her....a moment of awkwardness for me turned funny, as all 5 of the folks in the elevator burst into laughter at her reaction...other than working on keeping 'D' wrapped around her liitle finger, forming her own likes and dislikes and keeping me on my toes, she is getting royally spoilt by her grandparents, who are visiting :)

As for us, the parents, we are constantly struggling to strike the correct balance of helping Raya follow a routine, while still trying to keep her adaptable...helping her form her likes and dislikes without letting her get into the habit of throwing tantrums...let me tell you those parental skills are tough to master :)...Other than that,I am on "mission weight loss" before we go on our beach vacation...don't know what the fruit of that effort will be...fingers crossed :)

Leaving you with Raya's attempts at letting her hair down and shaking a leg ( or more appropriately, should I say head and hands) to the beats of 'Senorita' ...

Till my next break from hibernation from blogosphere, enjoy the rest of the summer...

RAYA...

Visualize this...mid 1990s...a feisty teenager who feels she can take on the world like a storm...dreams in her eyes...determination gallore...cynical about the institution of marriage...while loving babies and little ones to cuddle with, nurturing a complete disregard for the blessing of a women's ability to bring life into the world...belief that life should not be moulded or steered by institutions like marriage and children...a proponent of the 'life is meant to be lived on one's own terms, without exceptions' paradigm...

Fast forward 15 years...visualize this...a woman with a huge bump on her tummy,religiously trying to attend prenatal yoga classes( because that's what the current 'earth mother'/'go green'/'organic' world says is best for her baby and her)...eating 'healthy'...doing whatever folklore and modern motherhood tales say about giving birth to and bringing up a healthy baby...enduring an 18 hour labor...being rushed into the surgery room for a 'C' section, because all the 'prenatal yoga' and 'walking' in the world failed to do it's magic:)...shivering in apprehension and anticipation in the surgery room...breaking down into tears as the little bundle of joy is placed next to her...letting life turn into a scramble as she tries to get too many things done in too little time...dealing with lifestyle changes...dealing with the challenges of nursing... night outs, partying out in the city,give way to nightouts, at home, feeding the little one and changing diapers...impropmtu trips give way to impeccably planned getaways...designer bags make way for the life saving diaper bag...those 'n' pairs of confidence boosting high heels( which she could not do without till a few months back), gather dust in the closet while giving way to unappealing,comfortable flats...she does everything that belies her erstwhile definition of "living life on her own terms" 15 years back...yet she is the happiest she has ever been in life...the early morning smile from her little one brightens up her day, gives her the energy to go through the day with zest and vigor...rekindles her belief in miracles and makes her feel complete...you may call it a life changing event...I prefer to call it the 'FLOW' of life...RAYA, our little Miss Sunshine...all of almost 5 months now and filling our lives with an abundance of love, laughter, smiles, babble, coos, rolls, twists and not to forget drool and wet diapers:)

Interestingly enough 'D' and I went into the gender determining Ultra Sound with just one name in mind...RAYA...while I lay on the Ultra Sound table, I must admit I felt terribly guilty about not having a boy's name in mind yet...it did inherently mean that both D and I were hoping for a baby girl...what if, it was a boy, instead??!! Fortunately both of us were spared from sulking in pangs of guilt for the rest of the pregnancy,with the news that it was a girl indeed :)

Time and again, a lot of people have asked 'D' and me what RAYA means...While I can't take credit for coming up with the name RAYA...that came from little Miss Sunshine's dad...but I must admit I did love the sound and vibe of it instantly...short, simple and yet eloquent...While the origin of the word RAYA is the Hebrew word meaning "Friend", it has a wide range of meanings in different cultures...in Greek, it means "Wise guardian"...in Bulgarian, it means "Queen/Heaven"...in Russian, it means "Relaxed"...in Mayian, it means "Unique, one of a kind/ Easy to love, beautiful and pure "...in Latin, it means "Queen"....in Arabic, it means "Aroma"...in Old Greek, it means "Adaptable,easy going"...in Slavonic, it means "Happy"...and most importantly in Sanskrit, it means "Flow"...

RAYA, the 'flow' of our lives has provided fodder and momentum to 'D' and my lives...has given birth to new enriching and fulfilling emotions and relationships...has lead us to the delightful shores of parenthood, and continues to direct and lead us to explore new horizons every day of our lives...

And wait...before you leave this page, I have the feeling I am heading in the direction of becoming the cooler parent:) contrary to what I felt mid way into my pregnancy...As Raya is growing up, looks like Daddy dear has a lot more aspirations for our little munchkin...I increasingly hear 'D' talk about what he will allow her to do and what he will not, wants her to do and doesn't etc,while I have adopted a rather laid back attitude and am just focussing on enjoying the joys of motherhood and watching my munchkin grow up...'D' may turn out to be the stricter parent, after all...oh well, we'll see...the 'FLOW' of life will tell indeed:)

In the meanwhile, wish us luck! Bringing up a child the 'right'
way is difficult, specially when the notion of 'right' and 'wrong' is as fuzzy as it is in the world today...