"Handsfree pandonia"...

Being a very typical Libran, I tend to be quite laid back about life...good or bad, that aspect of my personality extends itself to my parenting style too, more often than not.


Last evening, an urge to check out if my parenting style lends itself to anything out there in the big internet universe, made me do a quick google search on "parenting types". The search came back with some pretty
fascinating results.


Exotic classification of parenting techniques, the most fascinating of which were:"tiger moms", "wolf dads", "panda moms/dads", "helicopter parent", "landmower parent", "free range parent", "attachment parent", "dragon mom", "handsfree parents" and believe it or not the "pinterest perfect parent". The last one literally made me ROFL.


Well where do 'D' and I fit in! Hard to say but let's look at the above 10 types and see if we fit in, if at all.


1. Tiger mom/parents:
This is what urban dictionary has to say about tiger moms, "A mother who is overly strict with her child in order to foster an academically competitive spirit. This form of upbringing is intended to direct a child towards financially successful careers at the potential risk of feeling emotionally unfulfilled and/or socially inept."


As much as we would like our child/children to have a reasonably comfortable lifestyle, I think "D" and "I" are probably on the same page on this...no "tiger" parenting please.


2. Wolf parenting:
Apparently this requires even more stringent disciplining than tiger parenting and not just that , disciplining extends to corporal punishment...really.!!!


So this goes off our list immediately.


3.Panda mom/dad/parent :
This sounds really cute. Who doesn't love pandas, after all . According to cafe mom's definition, this category of parents is "Happy to parent with cuddliness, but not afraid to show some claw" . Essentially parents who are fun and loving but no pushover.


'D' falls into this category for sure.


Good one to be in myself, but let me go through the entire list before trying to fit myself into any specific category.


4. Helicopter parents:
The type of parent that hovers around the child all the time, not allowing the child too much independence and space to do anything on their own!


5.Landmower parents:
This type of parent removes an obstacle from in front of the child, even before that obstacle gets time to settle in. Mom or dad has already mowed the obstacle down, before the child gets to know what it was. Again Cafe Mom says,"Think the dad who does his kid's homework for him or the mom who wouldn't dream of letting her little snowflake having to clean his own room. These parents insist on making everything easy peasy for their kids".

Having been taught to be adaptable and learning to find our way through life's obstacles pretty much independently, this doesn't sound like 'D' and my cup of tea!

6. Free range parent:
Now as much as this sounds like the organic buys at the neighborhood grocery store, in layman's terms, this is hands off parenting. Now what does "hands off" parenting exactly imply? There are varying degrees of this kind of parenting, but essentially this parenting style is the polar opposite of helicopter parenting...in the very extreme, it would mean letting an independent 7 year old take a subway by himself, taking your kids to the park and leaving them all alone there . If this sounds alright to you and you feel it shouldn't  require a call to the  state social services , well then you are a free range parent.

7. Attachment parent:
Parents who are obsessed about co sleeping, breast feeding, baby wearing so on and so forth. They feel that physical attachment is the only thing that has the ability to nurture long term child-parent attachment.

So let me tell you my story in this context. Before and after Raya was born, I time and again read about and was told about the benefits of breast milk.
The benefits of breast milk made complete sense to me , pre and post Raya's birth. Now after Raya was born, she had issues latching on for the purpose of nursing. She would cry and cry out of hunger and the lactation specialist, a firm proponent of attachment parenting, would insist that I should still keep trying to nurse her directly, instead of pumping out the little breast milk I was making. I kept asking the lactation specialist just one thing, "As long as Raya gets breast milk, what difference does it make whether she gets it through direct nusrsing or through pumped milk". She did not have any logical reasoning to provide me with other than giving me the kind of look that made be feel how horrible a mother I was even to be asking that question. But of course, I  being I, made the call, with the moral support of dear and dear ones . Instead of speding hours trying to help Raya latch on, I pumped breast milk 4-5 times a day, fed Raya the pumped milk and supplemented with infant formula when needed.


Result: I had a happy, well fed smiling baby to cuddle! And no lack of attachment, at least for the past 2.5 years! While huddling/cuddling my baby and physical closeness is what I really look forward, attachment parenting philosophies like forced breast feeding , when it's not yielding results is definitely not my cup of tea!


Who knows maybe my detachment from certain aspects of attachment parenting techniques will show not so good results in the future! Only time will tell though!


8.Dragon mom:
I love this one!!


It's about being fierce and loyal and loving as hell, as a parent. It's also about living in the moment with your kids and loving them for who they are right now, not for the Ivy league education you dream they'll get or the grandchildren they could one day give you.


Goes into the styles I want to nurture in myself along with 'Panda' parenting.


9. Handsfree parenting:
Letting go of internal and external distractions to concentrate on building a relationship with your child by talking to them/listening to them and channelizing your own and the child's energies to help build meaningful lives and to become socially conscious . As abstract as this sounds initially, I think I understand absolutely what this style entails. Distractions to be let go off include  stressful work, big "to do" lists, lofty ambitions requiring
time away from children, and other petty day to day matters. More about this in a blog I closely follow:http://www.handsfreemama.com/about-me/

10.Pinterest perfect parenting: This one's here for the big laughs :)


So well, what's my parenting style or rather what parenting style do I aspire to nurture!!


For lack of creativity, let's call it "Handsfree Pandonian"(Handsfree + Panda + Dragonian ) !! Or maybe you can help me put together a better term for this. It's however, not by chance, that the second word sounds like "pandemonium". A mixture of too many parenting  principles is bound to be a cause of some level of pandemonium.


But who knows, maybe I can actually make it work miracles! Only time will tell!

So  a "Handsfree Pandonian" parent with a my own personal twist, it is, I am aiming to be for now !!


Happy parenting!

Shaking it like Shammi...

Parenting is exhausting for sure, but then let's just say it comes with its share of sometimes not so obvious 'perks'. More often than not, at the end of the day, once Raya is off to bed, and I finally have a chance to reflect on the day's happenings, there are way too many 'toddler' incidents and situations that bring smiles, to my face, than scowls!!

Of course, toddler tantrums abound. This blog post contains  some tid bits about the entertaining portions of my 'toddler parenting days'...incidents and situations that keep me grounded and happy, when toddler 'parenting' blues threaten to engulf me.

As of now (yes as of Feb, 2014), 'Mamma' is Raya's 'fav' parent. That translates to shouts for "I want only mamma. I want only mamma" and 'mamma' being essentially needed to do all the hard work (bathing her, dressing her up, potty time, teeth brushing, putting her to sleep, reading time ...you get the gist) while 'Baba' dear gets to do all the fun stuff...play time...puzzle time...lego time...choo choo train time...tv time...not too bad a deal for not being the 'fav' parent of the moment, I guess...but oh well, loyalties keep changing fast as far as a 2.5 year old is concerned :). Let me relate a recent incident to prove this point of ever shifting loyalties. It made 'D' and I literally ROFL.

The way our usual morning looks like is this:
Raya wobbles her way from her room to our bed at around 4:30-5:00 am with her entourage of 'ninny's' (aka blankies, an entourage of exactly 4 blankies, she cannot do without, at sleep time). She comes to my side of the bed, climbs over my body onto the bed, slumps and goes off to sleep for another couple of hours. Thereafter 'D' is officially the first one to wake up in the morning. He gets Raya's cup of milk to the bed. She drinks her milk and from then on, it's 'only mamma' time. Brushing teeth..'only mamma'...help with the potty...'only mamma'...dressing her up....'only mamma'...brushing her hair...'only mamma'....dropping off to Toucans(her classroom)...that's for baba, but only after I answer in the affirmative to her question, 'You pick me from Toucans, mamma?!!'. Oh well, I am 'loving' the love while it lasts!! :)

Coming back to the tale of shifting loyalties, so on one such morning, after the 'only mamma' sessions, 'D' (he had an overnight work trip planned for that day), was about to head out of the home with Raya and was saying to her,"Raya...I am going to Richmond today for work. I will not come back this evening. I will see you tomorrow. Don't trouble mama." A second later, pat comes Raya's reply, "No baba, don't go to 'Richmound'"..."I want only you"..."I want only you"..."I don't want mamma"...LOL...now you know what I mean about quick  shifts in loyalties among 2.5 year olds:) That evening, in D's absence, started with whimpers of 'Where is Baba?','Where is Baba'.'I want Baba'. But we managed. DD came back the next evening from his tour, and after the usual exchange of hugs, kisses, huddles and cuddles between father and daughter, while they were playing with lego blocks, 'D' started troubling Raya again. I don't remember what exactly the issue was , but I think he was hiding and not giving her the blocks she was asking for. First Raya started with, 'Give me red block, Baba'...'Give me red block, Baba'...When 'D' didn't pay heed, she started complaining to me..."Mamma, Baba not listen to me"..."Mamma, Baba not listen to me"...and that was followed by..."Go back to 'Richmound', Baba!"....ha ha ha ha...another one that brought on rolls of laughter.

So that's that. Other than that, the Das household these days is in constant chatter mode!

Here are some tidbits of conversations that have lingered on in my mind and will be best remembered if captured in writing.

Scene 1:

I fill my water bottle with a few ice cubes and water and am drinking from it. Raya notices it and of course, starts saying, "I want ice, mamma"...
"I want ice in my 'bouttle'" (Oh toddlers and their obsession with ice).  Of course, I refuse to give her any. She gets really annoyed and in a raised voice says, "Mammaaa...I want ice in my 'bouttle'". I refuse again. Now she is really annoyed, on the verge of crying, but still putting up the fight , and in a slightly more raised tone of voice , "Mammaaaaa...you have ten ice...give me one ice in my 'bouttle' please"!!! The 'please' kind of trumped me. Did I have a choice but to give in!

Scene 2:

We were having the usual conversation about whether Raya resembles 'D' or I with some friends. So I was saying, Raya has 'D's eyes. 'D' then said to Raya, "So Raya, do you have my eyes?". Pat comes her reply,"No baba, you have my eyes!" LOL.

Scene 3:

Over the weekend, we had a few friends visiting from out of town. They have a daughter,'A' (Aanya) . Raya and 'A' bonded well over the period of the first day, after some initial hiccups. In the evening, Raya had to go to another friend's birthday party and 'A' was at home. I, of course, had to run around Raya throughout the party(she being more than her usual bundle of energy) and by the end of it, I was exhausted. Post the party, as I slumped into the seat in the car after strapping Raya up in her car seat, I hear Raya taking out stuff from her goody bag and then she says, "Mama, where is 'Aanya's' goody bag. I want to take goody bag for 'Aanya'". For all the exhaustion that parenting brings on, all the the prep talk about 'sharing' and 'caring', and for all the times, when asking her to share with kids of the same age, proves a struggle, moments like these make it all worthwhile!

Leaving you with a video of Raya 'Shaking it like Shammi'. Happy parenting !

Of rights, voices and our children...

Yesterday I was just watching a rerun of the episode of the Daily Show where Jon Stewart is in conversation with the 16 year old Malala Yousafsai, the youngest nominee for the Nobel Peace Prize ever , someone who was deemed the most favored to win the prize this year before the actual announcement came in. More important than that though, at this point of time she is the face and voice of millions of girls worldwide, clamoring for the basic right to education for girls in civil war ravaged countries and others.

Peace has been anything but ubiquitous in the world this past year. But it's reassuring to see that the voice of one child, speaking and acting for millions of others, has the ability to make the world stop and relook at some of the most basic human rights violations in different parts of the world.

 One of first things Malala mentioned to Jon in her conversation with him was how it feels when something you value (for her,it was education) is snatched away from you. How that pushed her to be an outspoken activist(with support from her father), clamoring for the basic right to education for girls in her native Swat valley in Pakistan. We ofcourse all know what her journey has been like since that first word of rebellion was raised. So kudos indeed to this little girl!

That aside, being the parent of a girl child, her statement got me really thinking . 

As parents, we always wish and strive towards providing the best of everything for our children. We hope that they will grow up
to become well rounded human beings. We intend to add to the world a compassionate, kind, intelligent, empathetic, courageous, independent and socially aware human being! Intentions and hopes, as parents, of course, are clear!

How do we really, ensure, though that our children don't suffer in silence when a fundamental right is violated ( theirs or someone else's)?!

How do we really ensure that,in dire circumstances, they will know how to differentiate between the 'basic' / 'fundamental' and the 'superfluous' and make the correct choices?!

How do we ensure that we are not bringing up a child who is oblivious to the needs of the people in their vicinity and the rest of the world?!

We ourselves take most of the basic rights, that a lot of people around the world have to fight for - food,lodging,education and even speech and mobility very much for granted,

The kind and type of food we eat is  based on choices we make given a proliferation of options.

The kind and type of place and home we live in is a choice we make given a proliferation of options.

The kind and type of education we seek is a choice we make given a proliferation of options.

So on and so forth...

As parents, D and I are learning ways to inculcate patience in our little girl. Through words, action and example, we try our best to nurture her inherent compassion that we believe every child is born with. As time goes by, we will work hard to figure out ways to teach her the value of money, the pitfalls of instant gratification, the importance of humility...so on and so forth.

However we, as parents, will always struggle in figuring out how one teaches a child, in today's developed world, the difference
between 'the basic' and 'the superfluous', as the boundaries between these two abstract concepts keep shifting with time and space.

As I attempt to provide my little girl with life's very best, I often wonder if I am really doing the best I can to enable her to let go of the superfluous when the need arises...I often wonder if I am really doing the best I can to help her have a voice of her own. Am I doing the best I can to sow the seeds of confidence in her so that whenever she faces a situation where she has the choice of speaking up vs suffering in silence, she has the courage to stand up and clamor for her own rights and for the rights of others, in big ways and small...so that she grows up with the belief that her voice will be heard and has value, when she speaks from her heart!

Yes, I wonder...and wait for time to tell!

 

"My's" is the new buzzword...

...in the Das household. In case you are wondering what "My's" is, let me explain. It sounds like "Mize", means "Mine" and it's "the word"  Raya has begun to use these last few days to assert that something belongs to her.

It's amazing to observe how a child's cognitive, verbal communication skills evolve and the challenges that we, as parents, have to face to make sure that we are able to nurture the inherent goodness,resilience and curiosity that each kid is born with.

So a couple of months back, Raya started becoming aware of the fact that she was a separate 'entity' (I am not particularly fond of using this word in the human context, but oh well no other synonymous word immediately comes to mind) from her 'Mamma', 'Baba' and the rest of the world.

She began saying stuff like, "Raya cup" or just pointing to an object that she believed belonged  to her and saying "Raya's". Similarly she would point to my purse or something that she believed belonged to me and go "Mamma bag" or just say "Mamma's"...point to 'D's car and say "Baba caw" or "Baba's"...point to her grandmom's sandals and say, "Ata's"...point to a pen being used by her teachers (she absolutely adores them) at day care and say "Holly's /Ms Holly's" or "Kiki's/Ms Kiki's"...essentially she had begun associating material objects with people and talking in the third person.

These last few days though, instead of using "Raya's" to assert that something belongs to her and thus implicitly indicating that everyone else should keep their hands off it, she has started saying "My's" and "You's" , the "My's" being more proliferant than the "You's" ,of course...LOL. Funny as it sounds , it is probably her first attempt to comprehend and speak in the first person. That aside, the proliferant use of "My's" has meant repeated urges and prep talks by 'D' and me, to make her understand the importance of sharing. Needless to say , it's a challenge to make a toddler understand that everything in the world doesn't belong to her or work like she wants it to. Inculcating the notion of sharing and patience in a toddler is a challenge, but I personally feel, it's one of the most important aspects of parenting...more so because these notions sow the seeds of feeling empathy and compassion for others, as the child grows into an adult. Of course nature and a child's inherent personality is one of the things that determines what a child grows up to be. But the least we can do, as parents, is to try and  nurture their inherent goodness to the best of our ability.

So yesterday so we had a couple of friends visiting us with their kiddos. Before they came in, I sat Raya down and gave her a prep talk,"Raya...we all know that these are your toys. But you have friends visiting , so you will have  to share all your toys with them ok". I repeated the sentence one more time to make sure I had all her attention. She first said,'Yeah, mamma'...and then followed it with,'Yeah, mamma...share'...the first part of my day's mission of teaching Raya to share having been accomplished, I waited to see how the evening would unfold. I should say she did reasonably well. I have observed a prep talk more often than not does it's magic. There are some days more difficlut than others though when tantrums seem to rule the day. Yesterday evening, the number of "My's" reaching my ears were
minimal and the other kids were playing with her toys without much intervention while she played along with them or by their side. But of course, that was yesterday. Today is a different day and with a toddler in the home, every day comes with it's own set of challenges.

On a slightly different note, here are some snippets of recent conversations in Raya'ingo' in our houshold that I wanted to pen down before
they get pushed to the  abyss of my mind to become distant memories:

Scene 1:
I ask Raya : "What is your name?"

Raya replies : Raya ("Yaya" has finally become "Raya" now)

I ask her again : "What is your full name?"

Raya replies (after considerable thought) : Raya Das

I ask Raya : "What is mamma's name?"

Raya replies : Mamma Das (This came spontaneously and brought  oodles of laughter from me before I could  proceed with any further questions)

I ask Raya : "What is baba's name?"

Raya replies : Baba Das...

I ask Raya : "What is Aata's name?" (She calls her paternal grandmom Aata)

Raya replies : Aata Das...

I ask Raya : "What is koka's name?" (She calls her maternal granddad koka)

Raya replies : Papa (I guess that comes from the fact that I call him papa:))


I ask Raya : "What is ma's name?" (She calls her maternal grandmom ma)

Raya: No response

I prompt her : Dehu

Raya echoes : Diu

Scene 2:

After the above conversation, 'D' took it on himself to teach Raya what our actual names are and he did a reasonably good job of it I should say.
So now, conversations like the above progress as follows:

I ask Raya : "What is mamma's name?"

Raya replies : Panka

I ask Raya : "What is baba's name?"

Raya replies : DD

I ask Raya : "What is baba's full name?"

Raya replies : D'paanan Das (This answer comes back only if she's in the
right mood:) )

I ask Raya : "What is Ata's name?"
Raya replies  : KD (That's what she has been taught, her grandmom's name being "Kalyani Das' :) )

I ask Raya : "What is koka's name?"

Raya replies : Papa

I ask Raya : "What is ma's name?"

Raya replies : Diu

Scene 3:

'D' and I are having an animated conversation and we are laughing at something silly I did. 'D' playfully slaps my back. Raya absolutely doesn't like it and pop comes her angry reaction aimed at 'D' and she says, "Baba...Baba...Mamma,Boo Boo...Huggie...Kiss", pointing at me...when DD gave me a peck on the cheek in response to her urge, it brought the biggest grin to her face...LOL

Scene 4:

Our landline rings, she points to the phone and says, "Phone...Ma...Koka". She calls her maternal grandparents "ma" and "koka" respectively and believes that they have proprietary rights to call on the landline. If anyone else does, she is not a happy baby :)

Scene 5:

Right or wrong, I have my own bag full of tricks to get hudddles, cuddles, hugs and kisses from my munchkin. So last Saturday, I was skyping with my parents. I was sitting cross legged on the floor and Raya was holding on to my shoulders and trying to stand on my legs. I was like, "Raya...mamma is getting hurt"...When saying that a couple of times didn't help, I pretented to cry and said, "Raya...mamma..boo boo"..."Raya...mamma..boo boo"... I immediately got a big bear hug from my munchkin accompanied with , "Mamma...huggie...mamma huggie"..."Mamma...no cry"..."Mamma...no cry"....It's a different thing that I could cry all day to get that hug and hear that version of "Mamma...no cry"...LOL...

Her current favorite Bollywood numbers are Mika Singh's , "Mere Agal Bagal"... "Kashmir se Kanyakumari" and D's all time favorite "Om Shanti Om" from Karz...She even attempts to sing along with these too...and her current favorite nursery rhymes are what she calls, "Eee..Wee...Spyder" (Incy Wincy Spider) and "Ol..Ga...gaas" (Old Mac Donald). Other than that, in Raya'ingo', 'butterfly' is 'bug fly'...'remote' is 'motot'...'medicine' is 'mecidine'...'swimming pool' is 'swinging pool' ...so on and so forth :)

So that's that. Raya will turn two in a couple of weeks. It's an exciting and challenging phase of parenting. It's also a very important phase of Raya's as well as our lives,as parents, as she begins to learn the ways of the world and take baby steps towards becoming more and more independent. Bitter...sweet...it is, this feeling of your baby growing up.

But for now, "My's" is the buzzword in our home and "Sharing" is the mantra ruling our lives.

Big 'boo boo'...our little Raya...

This has been a really stressful week :(

So last Sunday, just as we were about to head out of home for brunch, our little munchkin tripped and fell on her right hand...There was of course the usual level of fussiness that generally follows a fall or 'boo boo', but we had no reason to suspect anything out of the ordinary...No big howls or cries that would make us suspect that something was terribly wrong...With an active toddler in the house, falls and bumps are of course not alien, generally all that is needed is a bit of additional TLC to distract little Raya...and everything about the 'boo boo' is generally forgotten soon enough...So this time around too, we just responded to her "Mamma ...hand ...boo boo"..."Baba...hand...boo boo" ...the way we handle other 'boo boos'...with TLC...

She took a good afternoon nap...in the evening,she was fussier though...we were hanging out with some of our friends when we observed that she was very reluctant to use her right hand...though she was intermittently playing around , she definitely was not her usual bubbly self...

Next day...a trip to the pediatrician...and an xray later...our little Raya was diagnosed with a right wrist fracture :(

She now has a full arm splint...which she needs to keep on for a couple of more weeks...the orthopedist said that a cast would be too heavy and uncomfortable and scary for her(specially the removal process)...the pain seems to have gone away though, for now...touch wood...she is playing around and going about her daily activities as usual...gets annoyed once in a while when she wants to use her right hand to do something, but she is unable to due to the splint...my little baby is figuring it out though...how to live with a splint...:(

She is so tiny...it's so upsetting and stressful to see her weighed down by that huge splint on her right arm :(..even though she herself seems to be taking it in her stride for now and doesn't seem too bothered...

So yesterday, on our way to the orthopedist, I repeatedly kept telling Raya..."Raya the doctor will check your hand and fix it...so please don't cry ok!!"

When DD came back from work in the evening, she ran to him, pointed to her splint and said,"Baba...baba...cocto..ficit..boo boo...hand"..."Baba...baba..cocto..ficit...boo boo..hand" .(In non baby talk, that would read..."Baba...baba..doctor...fixit...boo boo...hand!")...I, for one, felt choked in tears...

Yes...my little trooper...in another two weeks...hopefully everything's gonna be fine...fingers crossed...it's gonna to be the longest ever two week period though!!

 

Raya'ingo'

Scene 1:

'D' is sitting on the couch watching the Andy Murray-Djokovic Wimbledon final on TV...Raya comes up and tries to squeeze herself between 'D' and the edge of the couch...
When she is unable to make space for herself she first points to 'D' and then to the couch and says,"Baba push...baba push" (read Baba "move")...LOL

Scene 2:

I am driving Raya back from day care and just out of the blue,I ask her..."What is your name"...She immediately says "Yaya"(She still can't pronounce her R's)...I tell her "Raya Das"...
I come back home, ask her again "What is your name?"...Pop comes the answer, "Yaya Das"...You know how excited mothers tend to get at such "achievements" ...lol...so I try a third time...
"What is your name?"...She stares back at me, with an annoyed look that says, "Didn't I just tell you that? Stop asking me the same question"...Lesson learnt...no repetitive questioning...the only way to make her learn and remember is to keep it spontaneous...the same question asked every once in a while still evokes the right answer as long as the question is not repeated again and again within a short period of time...otherwise you will get a puzzled, annoyed glare instead of a response...LOL

Scene 3:

Raya is sitting on her high chair...watching her favorite Mickey Mouse and Goofy on the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse show. Something in the show makes her burst out giggling...She can't stop giggling...and after a few seconds of unstoppable giggles, she says "Mamma...Mamma..Yaya fuunny...Yaya funnny.." ...and continues laughing...

Scene 4:

I am busy reading a  book...'D' is busy on his laptop....Raya plays around with her crayons and paper for like 15 mins on her own...then out of the blue, we hear her say, "Mamma...Yaya boo boo...Baba...Yaya...boo boo"...Of course, not having noticed anything that may have caused a "boo boo", I ask her..."Raya where did you get a boo boo?". She looks at me for a second, puzzled...turns and looks at 'D' for another moment...pauses for a moment and then raises her fingers and says, " Mamma...Yaya...boo boo fingaars"..."Mamma...Yaya..boo boo fingaars"...'D' and I just burst out laughing...Pop comes another Raya giggle...and with that, "Mamma...Yaya funny"..."Mamma...Yaya fuuunny"......Btw..."Yaya...boo..boo" is the new attention seeking tactic...and the "boo boo" is always on her "fingaars" :)

Scene 5:

I smell poop and take Raya up to her room, lay her down on her changing mat and while she plays around with her blankie, I deal with the big mess in the diaper...madam Raya , in the meanwhile is
oblivious to how hard mommy has to work and continues with her constant chatter, "Mamma...eewww..eewwww...diauper dorty...diauper dorty" ...oh well of course...diaper is dirty :)!!!

Scene 6:

Raya and I are sitting in front of the laptop...skyping with my parents, Raya's "Koka" and "Ma"... Raya is sitting on my lap and sipping water...she drops water on her shirt and drenches it..
then says,"Kaapur Titi...Kaapur Titi"..."Kaapur" in Assamese(my mother tongue) means clothes and "Titise" means wet...for obvious reasons, the grandparents couldn't help grinning from ear to ear...:)

Scene 7:

So Raya's loyalties keep shifting between 'D' and 'I'...on some days and weeks, she is an absolute Daddy's girl...on other days and weeks , she is an absolute Mamma's girl!!

A couple of months back, she was a complete Daddy's girl. However since DD went on his one and half week long India trip without us, Raya has been and continues to be a "Mamma's girl". Sometimes that works in my favor, specially when it comes to getting cuddles, hugs and kisses...At other times it doesn't, specially when she wants only me to do all her chores, feeding her, changing her clothes, diapers, putting her to sleep..etc.etc...Oh well...So the other day, we came back from a family dinner...'D' was getting ready to put Raya to sleep...Raya began throwing a tantrum...and came running to me..."Mamma...Mamma..Mamma ...Yaya...chinge...Yaya...sleep"...essentially she wanted me to change her into her night dress and put her to sleep...I tried my hand at playing the little one's trick on her...I told her,"Raya...mamma is tired. Mamma got a boo boo"....She immediately stopped crying, stared at me for a second and without a further tear dropped, she let 'D' put her to sleep...'D' says she asked for me once thereafter,...but he told her again, "Mamma got a boo boo"...and that was it...no more trouble...Raya's baba did not have to deal with any more tantrums.While I had said, "Mamma got a boo boo" in  jest, this incident kind of gave me goose bumps...Jokes apart, does this mean that Raya is beginning to feel "empathy"? It may have been a freak incident...or it may have been an actual sensing of "empathy" incident for little Raya...Either way, we have a tough job in hand, as parents...and it scares me...how do we inculcate or nurture feelings of empathy, notions of good and bad, right and wrong in a child? It's tough, scary and another challenging aspect of parenting...for if we mess it up now...all these abstract/fuzzy notions may be messed up forever in her mind:(...So wish us luck please :)

Then of course, she has her own names for songs she loves....

- Shakira's Waka Waka in Raya'ingo' is "Waka moo"
- Remember the Ketchup Song of the late 90's...that in Raya'ingo' is " Eeeh...Aah..Eeeh..Aah"...
- Gangnam Style in Raya'ingo' is "Taaah",,,and she says that with a stomp of her feet...
- Badtameez Dil from Yeh Jawaani Hain Deewani in Raya'ingo' is "Baads..my..aaah"
- Sun Rahan Hain na tu from Aashiqui2 in Raya'ingo' is "new song"
- Jeevan ke din chhote sahin from Bade Dilwale in Raya'ingo' is " lla lla lla..."

She does crack me up with her chosen lingo for identifying favorite songs :)

Other than that...Raya turns two in September...but she is already beginning to get into the defiant/tantrum throwing mode (the terrible twos mode, probably?!)...whenever the cause of a tantrum is completely illogical or incomprehnsible, 'D' and I have realized, the best thing to do is ignore....she generally cries it out for 5 minutes and then comes on her own to us with , "Baba...uggie...Mamma...uggie",  urging us to give her hugs:)

Let's see how long this "ignoring the tantrum" method works. Otherwise though, in general, she pays more heed to what 'D' says than to what I do...if 'D' asks her not to do something vs I telling
her the same...she listens to 'D', she does tend to shove my "Don't do that"'s aside with a smirk...

Oh well...we are learning...we are learning...and Raya is teaching us more than a lesson or two!!! :)

Explore...Dream...Discover...

12 days...three countries...bustling European cities...quaint Bavarian towns...beautiful alpine villages...fairytale castles...historic fort towns...mesmerising landscapes...the mecca of driving...the land of the "Sound of Music"...the golden city of spires...barrels of beer...beer brewing monasteries...white sausage...goulash...apple struddel...schneeballens...mozart balls...salzburg knockerels...quaint,local bed and breakfasts...luxurious castle hotels...a man's dream...a woman's passion...a baby's patience...the ultimate driving machine...a journey to cherish...the joy of living...

So Raya, 'D' and I just got back from a 12 day road trip through the Bavarian region of Germany, the alpine region of Austria and the bohemian city of Prague, a city where, someone so rightly said,
"the unconventional is conventional"...

D is the ultimate car and driving enthusiast and had always nurtured the dream of revving it up on the autobahn and exploring Europe in his very own car(preferably his very own version of the ultimate driving machine)...He is also a travel enthusiast and foodie...Personally, I am not much of a car person :)...I am happy with any car that takes me safely from point A to B...I am, however, an equally, if not more, avid and passionate travel enthusiast and foodie...the opportunity to visit new places, mingle among locals, explore different cultures, food, drinks, return home with a feeling that there's so much more out there to discover, and then dream of the next stop...this just has a way of adding zest to my life like nothing else does...Given this, and the fact that D's "dhanno"(current car) has almost run past her prime, the fact that by
God's grace we were in a position to dream of buying a new car of choice( who knows when that may change given life 's vissiccitudes) and of course, the fact that our last couple of vacations, since Raya's birth,  had been beach vacations and one back home to India, we realized the time was right to put on our travelling pants and get set to fulfill D's long time dream of revving it up on the autobahn in his very own ultimate driving machine...to experience the charm of driving through the "alpine strass" of Germany and Austria,and feel the pulse of the "silnice" of the Czech republic.

Of course, this time we could not afford to be carefree travellers,like we were in the past...there was an apprehension about whether we would actually be able to sail through such an ambitious  2 week roadtrip with our 20 month old Raya...The challenges of travelling with a 20 month old baby are numerous...Preceding the trip, one day I woke up with a nightmare of losing Raya in a crowd of tourists...that triggerred a prompt purchase of a child locator device from Amazon, something we didn't end up using much , but will probably still prove useful when travelling in the future...I compiled lists of hospitals, pediatricians,emergency care centres at each destination...this time I did not have the luxury of stuffing our luggage with multiple pairs of beloved shoes or bags:( ...the aim was to minimize 'D' and my stuff in the luggage while, of course, priority was given to little Raya's clothes, diapers, comfort food, books and toys...we also planned to restrict travel/drive time to 2~3 hours at a stretch...the longest drive was from Konigsee, in Germany to Prague (a five hour trip with a short break for lunch ), which Raya handled surprisingly well...there were 'n' number of other baby related stuff that needed to be taken care of, half of which I don't even remember now :)...Little Raya ,of course, had her moments of anxiety, irritability, mood swings and bouts of "meaty" food phobia during the trip...fortunately those were things we were prepared for, expecting and able to handle :)... Also it did take us a couple of days to get her into the groove of being on the road, strapped to her car seat or stroller for really long periods of time...On our third day of the trip, when 'D' was getting ready to put her in the car seat, Raya, on her own, climbed on to the car seat, saying "Baba Caw...baba caw"(as funny as it sounds, that's meant to mean baba's car:))...she then made an unsuccessful attempt to strap herself into the car seat with a smile on her face...that was, I think, the first clear indication that our little baby was all set for the following 10 days of our bohemian life on the road :)

The drive through Germany's Bavaria and the Austrian Alps was mesmerizing...this area of Europe is as pretty as the Swiss alpine countryside I would claim, if not more...it's just not as commercial, touristy, well conected by public transport or efficient as things in Switzerland....the autobahn, of course, provided the big adrenaline rush...as 'D' was pushing the pedal to drive at over 130 miles an hour on the autobahn between Germany and Prague, there was an Audi sedan that whizzed past and overtook us from the left...just as we were speculating what speed the Audi must have been driving at to be able to do that, we saw the same car flash blue lights in front of us, indicating  we had been asked to pull over by the unmarked cop car...of course, we thought we had been pulled over for speeding and were extremley nervous...the cops let out a laugh of jest and ridicule when we asked them what speed the radar had caught us at..."Oh no no, there are no speeding meters or tickets here on this stretch of the autobahn", they said. " We just wanted to look at the tourist registration papers for the car since you are just 20 miles away from Czech border"....really...130 miles/hr or 210 kms/hr and no speeding ticket...that was enough to bring a big grin to D's face and make him push the pedal to the metal :)

As far as the places we visited go...Munich was like any big European city...the old town is nice and quaint and the English garden was charming...the BMW Welt is worth the hype for all car lovers, of course...The atmosphere at the biergartens(beer gardens) with the "oompah bands" (band of 4 musicians playing Bavarian music) is not to be missed ...The visit to Dachau, the oldest concentration camp in Germany,located right outside Munich, sent chills down our spine and was a very humbling experience indeed...Konigsee am Schonau and Bershtechgaden were beautiful,
laid back Bavarian villages, perfect for a few days of rejuvenating fresh air among the Alps and lake Konigsee...the village of Hallstatt in Austria seemed straight out of a fairy tale, tucked away between the Austrian Alps and lake Hallstatt...the market town of Reutte,Austria provided sweeping views of a blend of white, snow covered mountains and green, meadowed valleys....Salzburg brought back such vivid, fond memories of "Sound of Music" and the Von Trapp family that I was in total awe...As for the golden city of spires and red roofs, Prague or Praha(as they like to call it in Europe), Franz Kafka has very rightly said, "Prague never let's you go…this dear little mother has sharp claws.”...it's really difficult to resist getting engulfed in the allure, charm, aura, beauty and spirit of what is for good reason called one of the most romantic cities in the world. The residential fort towns of Rothenburg ob tauber and Dinkelsbuhl and the drive through the romantic Bavraian strass connecting them exuded a unique blend of history, romance,fairy tale homes,boutique shops and beautiful views of green valleys interspersed with long stretches of canola fields, dotted with yellow flowers . And then finally the towns of HohenSchwangau and Fussen...typical pretty , quaint alpine towns around the extravagant King Ludwig's castles of Neuschwanstein ( which inspired Disney's princess castle ) and HohenSchwangau...we got an absolutely gorgeous view of Neuschwanstein castle from the rickety Queen Mary's bridge built over a dangerous, deep gorge...the view, though, was completely
worth the risk of walking on those shaky, dilapidated, bridge planks which almost seemed to be set to give way...it was ironical though that Raya's mommy seemed more thrilled by the sight of the princess castle than little Raya herself :)

As for food, I personally loved Czech food ( goulash, bramboračka, gulasovka )...highly recommend this local pub and restaurant called Kolkovna in Prague for a typical Czech meal...German cuisine however failed to win my heart...way too much meat for my liking...I tried the Weiswurst ( Bavarian white sausage ), Fleischkäse ( Bavarian meat loaf ), Leberknödelsuppe ( Bavarian liver dumpling soup ) and Snitzel, but ended up stuffing myself with the Bavarian potato/leek soup, for the major part of the trip...loved the apple struddel though...Madam Raya feasted on "pasta", "pizza", "bread","fried rice" and "risotto" for the major part of the trip :)...Service at restaurants was slow and laid back, as is typical almost throughout Europe...they seem to want you to have laid back meals spanning hours, all with good intention but a concept that's not very kid friendly...so anyone travelling with a kid, should be prepared to keep the little one entertained for long periods of time when dining at restaurants...And do not expect any water to be served at the table, unless specifically requested...weird, but true...:)

Communicating in English was a problem in the samller Bavarian towns of Germany and also parts of alpine Austria...not so much in Prague, though...however there was nothing lacking as far as hospitality and friendliness of the people was concerned...Believe it or not, travelling with a child has the capability of earning unpleasant stares as well as warm smiles and helping hands...for the major part, the latter...that worked to our advantage:). We did not encounter too many Indian tourists, other than in  Salzburg and Munich....so for the major part, we were exotic, brown Asians in the Alps and Bohemia :)

We ended the trip with a visit to and feasting on beer brewed at the Andechs beer brewing monastery in Germany...the beer was delicious, and had a non beer drinker like me gotten a chance to dabble with it's flavor for a little longer, we would have had a guaranteed beer drinking convert in me...good for my belly though that didn't happen:). More importantly though ,for some reason, I was under the illusion that alcohol and religion did not go together...so the idea of monks brewing beers was quite a revelation for me....'D' explained that Belgium, Germany and some other parts of Europe have had monks brew beer for the longest time ever...now,as to why monks brew beer...history says, in olden days there was no good mode of refrigeration and often safe food and beverages were difficult to find for everyone. As a result illness and malnutrition were rampant. Because of the brewing process and the alcohol content, the brewed beer was safer to drink than water and contained high carbohydrates and nutrients. It was nicknamed "liquid bread" by the monks. Monks also brew for barter and cash. The revenue funds the day to day expenses of running the monastery and also perhaps the local church and charities as well. Oh well, either way this was a revelation ,indeed ,for me to end the road trip with :)!!

I happened to come across this quote by Mark Twain a couple of days back and thought it would be apt to end this travelogue with a transcript of the quote:
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

So as 'D', Raya and I get back to the grind and dream of our next stop and destination, we wish you luck and joy as you explore, dream and discover the world that lies beyond each one of your comfort zones...

 

Musical progression?!! :)

When we were expecting Raya, all friends and acquaintances with kids invariably had one thing to say..."Life will never be the same again !!!:)"...Then there was the advice to "Take the time to splurge and pamper yourself"..."Spend time doing what you love doing most for you'll never have the time for yourself again"...etc. etc....you get the gist...

So keeping all those forewarnings of a 'kidful' life in mind, a couple of things I did to my hearts content, other than hogging on all kinds of food, was to to pick back up my erstwhile obsession with music and books and watch reruns of all my favorite TV shows and movies...

As far as music is concerned, I spent hours lounging and listening to all kinds of it...From R.D Burman to Jagjit Singh,from Indian classical to Western classical,from the Fateh Ali Khans to Atif Aslam, from Lata Mangeshkar to Sunidhi Chauhan,from the Beatles to Billy Joel, from Carpenters and ABBA to MLTR, from Eric Clapton and Tracy Chapman to the Eagles, from Guns and Roses to the Rolling Stones to Pearl Jam to Queen to ReadioHead to Coldplay, from James Taylor to Harry Chapin to Ashish Rajkhowa(lol...,that's my brother who chimed in every once in while , strumming my favorite numbers on his guitar)...the pregnancy was a true splurge and indulgence in music...

Then baby Raya was born and I went literally by what the baby books had to say :)...We filled her room with the magic of Mozart and my personal favorite...Mozart's symphony 40...music seemed to do it's magic...At two month's, baby Raya was babbling along and humming to one of her mommy's personal Bollywood favorites,"Jeevan ke din chhote sahin" composed by RD Burman and apparently "adapted" and based on Mozart's symphony 40....

Raya's next favorite...another Bollywood song..."Senorita..." from ZNMD... next favorite...Shakira's "Waka Waka...."....and not only did these ones bring bright smiles to her face...they also made her shake her leg and twist and turn in an attempt to bring on the moves...

Oh well I was one happy Mommy...if not anything else, kiddo was catching on to Mommy's taste in music...not only did she love the melodies and rhythm, but unlike her flat footed Mommy, she seemed all set to set the dance floor on fire with her moves...:)

Then Daddy D introduced baby Raya to what else but of course PSY's "Gangnam Style" and Chulbul Pandey's moves in "Pandey Jee"...and baby Raya seemed to catch on to those just as easily and happily....the head banging increased and so did the edge in her moves...the smiles became brighter....

Now I was not as happy a mommy anymore ...you see, baby Raya and mommy's tastes in music were diverging....the funny part is it did not take too long for me to get happy again for soon enough the "Gangnam Style"s and "Pandey jee seeti "s  of the music world  grew on me and found a place in my heart so much so that  before I realized it, I was tapping my feet to their  music and rhythm  along with my little baby and was ready to break into an awkward  jig myself :)...Looks like mommy and Raya were back on the same page as far as tastes in music were concerned....oh well, well...

Now whether this is musical "progression" or "regression"... the answer would depend on who you ask and when...but I guess, it's music nevertheles!!! :)

In all of this, however what remains constant and what  still brings on the brightest smile from Raya is her mommy's all time favorite bollywood number,"Jeevan ke din chhote sahin"....may be this will go on to become the"bichde huye family members ko milwane wala" song for the Das clan :) (all erstwhile/ current Bollywood fans would know what I mean)...now that would be something, wouldn't it !!!:)

On that musical note," Happy Friday" folks...

'Superbowl Sunday'...'Tuuummmy'...'Shooooees'...and more...

It's exciting...it's Superbowl Sunday this weekend...a much awaited day of the year in our household...

The palpable excitement exuded by 'D' and me are more or less for the same reasons...aka ..it marks the end of the football season...it's just that 'D' is excited about the "Ravens Vs 49ers" final game itself ,while I am, about the fact that I no longer need to feel obliged to sit through another one of those "testosterone" filled matches...You see, we are in that phase of married life with baby in tow,where our lives are so busy and where each of us gives so much space to the other ,to do our own stuff, that we have to consciously find time and activities to do together...and that translates to me sitting through and pretending to watch a football game with 'D' for each Bollywood romantic flick that he sits down to watch with me...oh well, such is life!!! :)

As for Raya, she is innocuously oblivious to the excitement of the impending weekend ,specifically Sunday!!In a few years time, she will probably pick sides and have her own reasons for being excited...either way she'll have an ally at home:)

On a completely different note, these days my little munchkin gets off the crib in the morning and sprints around our bed, squealing out "Tuuuummmy"..."Tuuuummmmy"...oh...oh...not to worry...those are anything but squeals of pain caused by tummy aches...The subject of her excited squeals and attention is "Mr. Talking Tom Cat"...or "Tommy" like we like to address him around the home...her mama and papa dear need to bring "Mr. Tom Cat" out of his slumber and out of the bed side table drawer so that Ms. Raya can have her morning  "tete e tete" and giggling session with him...while her mama and papa catch up on 15 more mins of sleep...thank God for Steve Jobs and phone apps...what would we do without them!!!

Then of course, her most favorite word in the world now is..."shooooooes"....she is obsessed with them...needs to put them on as soon as she gets off the bed...she has to make sure they are safe in their allocated place by the stair case, when she takes them off...when they are clean and spunky, they are "nuuu shoooes"...oh well..."shoe mania" is in her genes...so that's to be expected, I guess...but I must say they do start early these days, don't they!!! :)...

This is such a fun age...Can't wait to share "Raya" isms once she starts putting words together...I can already envision how entertaining that will be...

Enjoy your weekend folks...and enjoy Superbowl Sunday for whatever reason that may be!:)

"Baby talk"

I didn't realize bringing up a kid requires so much energy ...well for a typical, laid back(some would call it lazy:)) Libran like I am, the amount of energy "virtually" seems three fold...

But one adapts and learns to give up those lazy, lounging, napping, tea drinking, book reading, day dreaming, staring at the woods, "thinking of nothing" afternoons and evenings to do more real things like chasing a little one crawling up and down the stairs, indulging in "Uh oh"s, "Eh"s,"MaMa"s,"Dada"s,"Baba"s, "Mimi"s and all forms of baby talk, reading a board book in a sing song tone for the nth time in a day and looking at the little munchkin staring up at you in awe, as if you were creating magic with the words coming out of your mouth....yes, one adapts to the point where while seemingly longing for some alone time, as soon as the little one is out of the home for a stroll with the grandparents, hubby dear out golfing ,15 minutes alone, the quietness and emptiness of the home gets to me and begins to haunt me...and I thought I could do with some quiet time at home, doing yoga and trying to lose all those extra post partum pounds that I have been struggling to shed:)...well looks like the lazy, laid back Libran has gotten too used to all the action at home, after all....

Anyways that's that...little Raya is growing up real fast...she took her first steps across the room all by herself a couple of days back ... her own excitement at the milestone seemed to know no bounds , as she grinned from ear to ear while trying to clap her hands:)....we transitioned her to her own room...that was a particularly difficult step for me....spent quite a few sleepless nights in the process,wanting to make doubly/triply sure that she would be fine....but realized, that step would only get tougher as she grew older....she is already beginning to have a mind of her own, which could be good or bad...it's funny and sometimes awkward, the way this manifests itself... the other day, we were in an elevator at the mall with 5 other people...Ms Raya turns her head all around checking out each of the other 5 people, staring at each of them for at least a second...one round of checking out having been completed, she turns back to person 2, and smiles at her alone, almost as if she was giving that lady alone the endorsement of approval from among all the 5 strangers "oooh, ahhing" at her....a moment of awkwardness for me turned funny, as all 5 of the folks in the elevator burst into laughter at her reaction...other than working on keeping 'D' wrapped around her liitle finger, forming her own likes and dislikes and keeping me on my toes, she is getting royally spoilt by her grandparents, who are visiting :)

As for us, the parents, we are constantly struggling to strike the correct balance of helping Raya follow a routine, while still trying to keep her adaptable...helping her form her likes and dislikes without letting her get into the habit of throwing tantrums...let me tell you those parental skills are tough to master :)...Other than that,I am on "mission weight loss" before we go on our beach vacation...don't know what the fruit of that effort will be...fingers crossed :)

Leaving you with Raya's attempts at letting her hair down and shaking a leg ( or more appropriately, should I say head and hands) to the beats of 'Senorita' ...

Till my next break from hibernation from blogosphere, enjoy the rest of the summer...

Momma musings

8 months and 11 days to date since I became a mom...and before you proceed any further with this post, I must warn you not to expect anything cohesive here as I ramble on with musings of a new (really, not new anymore I guess!) mom...

It may sound cliched, but it's been a roller coaster ride indeed these past few months...parents leaving...I, deciding to go back to work to keep my sanity intact and prevent my brains from rusting :)...finding almost the perfect nanny and then 7 months down the road dealing with nanny woes...dealing with the perenial stay-at-home mom vs nanny vs day care debate...and in the midst of all that chaos, our little munchkin never failing to brighten up our days with something new everyday...

As bad as it may sound, I didn't turn out to be the stay at home variety after all...hence the decision to get back to work, albeit with some flexibility and a work location closer to home....I was earlier doing a more than an hour long commute(on a good day) each way to and from work....so needless to say, I was overjoyed with an offer that was inline with what I wanted to do as well as very conveniently located. A few months at home was enough to make me realize that given my personality, no matter how many hours a day I may spend physically close to my little one,my love and affection for her as well as the amount of undivided attention and quality time I could give her would remain unchanged irrespective of whether I ventured out to work or stayed at home....With this realization, it made more than just simple sense to venture out to work, keep myself up to date with the going ons in the corporate world, have some daily adult interaction ,get some form of help to take care of munchkin while I am out, while trying my best to make sure that she doesn't, in any way, feel neglected and her development is not affected.

D and my initial thought was that if we did find a good nanny, we would keep Raya home for at least one/two years before introducing her to nurseries/play schools where she could interact well with her peers and develop socially...Given an option, the thought of leaving an infant who was not yet mobile and capable of keeping himself/herself entertained with toys at least for short periods of time,in day care, kind of freaked me out, for no particular reason...Thus began the search for the perfect nanny :)...Let me tell you this, the search for a good nanny who fits well into your family, can be an extrememly frustrating experience, having to deal with all kinds of characters in the process...a couple of the potential nannies I interviewed cared only about the moolah...didn't bother to even turn and take a look at the child they would potentially be taking care of before fixing on the moolah aspect :(...there was one who came in for an interview with her boyfriend (God knows why!!)....and there were many others with their own set of idiosyncracies...I could go on and on...many a time, I was on the verge of giving up and just staying home...among close to 30 nannies I inteviewed, there were just two who struck a chord with me...they were maternal, warm, affectionate, loving and it was evident that nannying was more than a job for them ...they seemed to want to develop a lifelong bond with the child they would be taking care of...one of them was a simple,nurturing, Peruvian lady,'P', whom I took a liking to instantly and made an offer on the spot....she took great care of Raya for 6.5 months and Raya loved and still loves her...she was reliable and simple...but then as fate would have it , she had her own personal issues to deal with and she let me know that if and when I found good alternate care for Raya, she would want to take time off to deal with her family issues...fortunately she was not the kind who didn't turn up one fine day...I have heard those horror stories as well...and I thank God we weren't a part of another one of those tales...

Nevertheles, we were back to square one...debating yet again which way to go nanny vs day care vs quit work and become a SAHM...By this time, Raya was beginning to become quite active...sitting unsupported, crawling around, pulling up to furniture, becoming increasingly mobile and nurturing an increasing interest in toys and people around her...I just had this gut feeling that a play school/day care setting would do her good and was the way to go at this stage of her life...while we were inclined towards a day care setting, of course the endless talks of day care infections, illnesses, lack of one on one attention etc and just a general feeling of guilt kept us on the fence for quite a bit...till we found a place we felt really good about ...and then when we did,we decided to take the plunge...we introduced Raya to day care for 6.5 hours a day/5 days a week, three weeks back...needless to say, it broke my heart the first day when I left her at the day care...

Now, three weeks into day care and among that a week of seeing my munchkin go through a severe bout of cough and cold , I finally think my little darling is settling into her new routine...These days, day cares are quite well equipped, with video monitoring and instant messaging updates about what your little one's day is turning out to be...that helps at keeping general levels of apprehension and anxiety at bay, for parents and also in keeping the caregivers alert and on their toes...though I agree, it can never be a subsitute for a parent/family member being constantly around the child...but that's the way it just is, when you go this route and choose not to be a SAHM...I leave the dropping off to day care bit to D...let him be the bad cop :)...I play it safe and be the good cop:)....I pick my little munchkin up from the nursery every day....I first peek through the window before going into the classroom and more often than not see her playing around happily...sometimes on a bad day, I see her being a bit fussy...but fortunately that's not happened too often...but what's so far been a constant is...as soon as our eyes meet,she first smiles...then makes a face getting ready to cry, almost as if she realizes that mommy shouldn't see her happily playing around in school or mommy will get complacent :)... then she comes crawling as fast as she can to me ... I pick her up...she looks at me...the smile comes back on...she then looks around and smiles back at all her friends and teachers...almost saying without using any words..."My mommy is here".... and that in itself makes my day, everyday ...

I realize I have not been that bad a mom these past 8.5 months after all...and that smile says it all :)...How I handle the coming months and years is anyone's guess...but for now at least, I can flush out the guilt, rejoice and bask in the joys and glory of just being a mom...:)

Here's a salute and toast to Stay at Home Moms and Working Moms alike...there's no right or wrong choice here...it's a personal choice that each of us makes and it's a difficult choice either way ...and no matter which choice you end up making, here's hoping it keeps you and your little one, happy and contented...

Leaving you with a few pictures of little Miss Sunshine , busy at work and play...:)

P.S.It's funny but I just realized I never write blog posts in the middle of a crisis(e.g. the nanny vs day care vs SAHM crises)...I wonder why...of course a part of it is lack of time, being too busy dealing with the crisis itself...also probably a part of it is because I prefer to write once I have found the light at the end of the tunnel...it just helps keep the optimism alive...probably :)

RAYA...

Visualize this...mid 1990s...a feisty teenager who feels she can take on the world like a storm...dreams in her eyes...determination gallore...cynical about the institution of marriage...while loving babies and little ones to cuddle with, nurturing a complete disregard for the blessing of a women's ability to bring life into the world...belief that life should not be moulded or steered by institutions like marriage and children...a proponent of the 'life is meant to be lived on one's own terms, without exceptions' paradigm...

Fast forward 15 years...visualize this...a woman with a huge bump on her tummy,religiously trying to attend prenatal yoga classes( because that's what the current 'earth mother'/'go green'/'organic' world says is best for her baby and her)...eating 'healthy'...doing whatever folklore and modern motherhood tales say about giving birth to and bringing up a healthy baby...enduring an 18 hour labor...being rushed into the surgery room for a 'C' section, because all the 'prenatal yoga' and 'walking' in the world failed to do it's magic:)...shivering in apprehension and anticipation in the surgery room...breaking down into tears as the little bundle of joy is placed next to her...letting life turn into a scramble as she tries to get too many things done in too little time...dealing with lifestyle changes...dealing with the challenges of nursing... night outs, partying out in the city,give way to nightouts, at home, feeding the little one and changing diapers...impropmtu trips give way to impeccably planned getaways...designer bags make way for the life saving diaper bag...those 'n' pairs of confidence boosting high heels( which she could not do without till a few months back), gather dust in the closet while giving way to unappealing,comfortable flats...she does everything that belies her erstwhile definition of "living life on her own terms" 15 years back...yet she is the happiest she has ever been in life...the early morning smile from her little one brightens up her day, gives her the energy to go through the day with zest and vigor...rekindles her belief in miracles and makes her feel complete...you may call it a life changing event...I prefer to call it the 'FLOW' of life...RAYA, our little Miss Sunshine...all of almost 5 months now and filling our lives with an abundance of love, laughter, smiles, babble, coos, rolls, twists and not to forget drool and wet diapers:)

Interestingly enough 'D' and I went into the gender determining Ultra Sound with just one name in mind...RAYA...while I lay on the Ultra Sound table, I must admit I felt terribly guilty about not having a boy's name in mind yet...it did inherently mean that both D and I were hoping for a baby girl...what if, it was a boy, instead??!! Fortunately both of us were spared from sulking in pangs of guilt for the rest of the pregnancy,with the news that it was a girl indeed :)

Time and again, a lot of people have asked 'D' and me what RAYA means...While I can't take credit for coming up with the name RAYA...that came from little Miss Sunshine's dad...but I must admit I did love the sound and vibe of it instantly...short, simple and yet eloquent...While the origin of the word RAYA is the Hebrew word meaning "Friend", it has a wide range of meanings in different cultures...in Greek, it means "Wise guardian"...in Bulgarian, it means "Queen/Heaven"...in Russian, it means "Relaxed"...in Mayian, it means "Unique, one of a kind/ Easy to love, beautiful and pure "...in Latin, it means "Queen"....in Arabic, it means "Aroma"...in Old Greek, it means "Adaptable,easy going"...in Slavonic, it means "Happy"...and most importantly in Sanskrit, it means "Flow"...

RAYA, the 'flow' of our lives has provided fodder and momentum to 'D' and my lives...has given birth to new enriching and fulfilling emotions and relationships...has lead us to the delightful shores of parenthood, and continues to direct and lead us to explore new horizons every day of our lives...

And wait...before you leave this page, I have the feeling I am heading in the direction of becoming the cooler parent:) contrary to what I felt mid way into my pregnancy...As Raya is growing up, looks like Daddy dear has a lot more aspirations for our little munchkin...I increasingly hear 'D' talk about what he will allow her to do and what he will not, wants her to do and doesn't etc,while I have adopted a rather laid back attitude and am just focussing on enjoying the joys of motherhood and watching my munchkin grow up...'D' may turn out to be the stricter parent, after all...oh well, we'll see...the 'FLOW' of life will tell indeed:)

In the meanwhile, wish us luck! Bringing up a child the 'right'
way is difficult, specially when the notion of 'right' and 'wrong' is as fuzzy as it is in the world today...