'Superbowl Sunday'...'Tuuummmy'...'Shooooees'...and more...

It's exciting...it's Superbowl Sunday this weekend...a much awaited day of the year in our household...

The palpable excitement exuded by 'D' and me are more or less for the same reasons...aka ..it marks the end of the football season...it's just that 'D' is excited about the "Ravens Vs 49ers" final game itself ,while I am, about the fact that I no longer need to feel obliged to sit through another one of those "testosterone" filled matches...You see, we are in that phase of married life with baby in tow,where our lives are so busy and where each of us gives so much space to the other ,to do our own stuff, that we have to consciously find time and activities to do together...and that translates to me sitting through and pretending to watch a football game with 'D' for each Bollywood romantic flick that he sits down to watch with me...oh well, such is life!!! :)

As for Raya, she is innocuously oblivious to the excitement of the impending weekend ,specifically Sunday!!In a few years time, she will probably pick sides and have her own reasons for being excited...either way she'll have an ally at home:)

On a completely different note, these days my little munchkin gets off the crib in the morning and sprints around our bed, squealing out "Tuuuummmy"..."Tuuuummmmy"...oh...oh...not to worry...those are anything but squeals of pain caused by tummy aches...The subject of her excited squeals and attention is "Mr. Talking Tom Cat"...or "Tommy" like we like to address him around the home...her mama and papa dear need to bring "Mr. Tom Cat" out of his slumber and out of the bed side table drawer so that Ms. Raya can have her morning  "tete e tete" and giggling session with him...while her mama and papa catch up on 15 more mins of sleep...thank God for Steve Jobs and phone apps...what would we do without them!!!

Then of course, her most favorite word in the world now is..."shooooooes"....she is obsessed with them...needs to put them on as soon as she gets off the bed...she has to make sure they are safe in their allocated place by the stair case, when she takes them off...when they are clean and spunky, they are "nuuu shoooes"...oh well..."shoe mania" is in her genes...so that's to be expected, I guess...but I must say they do start early these days, don't they!!! :)...

This is such a fun age...Can't wait to share "Raya" isms once she starts putting words together...I can already envision how entertaining that will be...

Enjoy your weekend folks...and enjoy Superbowl Sunday for whatever reason that may be!:)

"Home"...Raya's first India trip...

Three India trips since 'D' and I set up home together, as a couple, here in Northern Virginia, and it's funny how I have gone through the same set of emotions before and after every one of those trips...

We've been relatively fortunate to have our parents/family visit us reasonably often in the last half a decade...So while every time we bid good bye to our parents , the heart strings wreak havoc , the tear glands show no mercy, the knees feel weak...in retrospect, it's comforting to realize that we have been able to spend some quality time with our folks despite setting up "home" so far away from "home"...

Having said that though, every 1.5 to 2 years, there is this sense of urgency to visit India...Assam... "Anandam"...home, as I knew it a decade and a half back...there is this almost irrepressible urge to revisit childhood memories...to be around the folks I grew up with(despite being well aware that most of them are not around anymore:( )...to be engulfed in the aroma of favorite childhood dishes being cooked up in Mom's kitchen...to just sit out in the terrace garden and look out at the horizon of the ever expanding skyline and "land line"( if I may call it that) of my home town of Guwahati...just sit there...do absolutely nothing other than gaze out at the horizon...looking back at what a journey it has been...the distance traveled...where we were...where we are...and looking ahead at what potentially lies ahead in this unpredictable,exciting journey of life...

This India trip was even more special because we went with little Raya in tow...it was her first trip to India ....and boy did she have fun...getting royally pampered by both sets of grandparents, uncles , aunts and bonding ,playing or more appropriately “ bullying” :) her little cousin(D’s niece)!! Other than a few moments in the incredibly long flight journey from Washington to Guwahati, Raya seemed to absolutely love India ... all the attention... the huddles and cuddles from everyone she met...the sounds and views of the people, vehicles and animals on the streets...being able to gaze out of the window of the car and soak in the views without being restrained by the “leashes” of a car seat...the morning and evening strolls with the grandparents...just the general feel of the place and people... let’s just say this...she seemed  absolutely “at home” in India right from the beginning, putting all my apprehensions at bay ...She seemed to soak in, delight in and be fascinated by the transition from the quietness of life in US suburbia to the hustle- bustle of life in Bangalore(where my brother, Ash lives) and Guwahati...from an environment, where folks would be super sweet to her on the streets, but would definitely think twice before touching her, to one, where every second person on the street was pinching her cheeks, without us or them feeling the need to be alarmed....from being strapped up on a high chair in a restaurant here in the US, with coloring paraphernelia/phone/ ipad to keep her engaged so that we , the parents, could have a peaceful , quick dinner before her patience waned out, to being entertained by the servers /waiters in Indian restaurants while we gleefully sipped away at our cocktails and leisurely nibbled away at the food on our plates...I think our little girl did really well :)

Anyone living outside India would agree that a trip to India is always preceded by weeks and months of excited anticipation...In India, of course, we bask in the glory of undivided attention from family and friends, incredible pampering, delicious food, shopping sprees, ”addas”...all along ,engulfed in that sweet and heady feeling of nostalgia...we marvel at how the country has progressed economically...how the skylines and “land line” of the towns and cities are ever expanding...the streets getting broader...crib about the general mindset getting narrower, as the newspaper headlines scream about politicians trying to dictate what “women should wear, how they should talk and walk”...talk about the "reverse brain drain"... gape open mouthed, as we are dealt with punch after punch of “sticker shock”...essentially bask in the glory of a life with no work, but all play, thoughts and talk ...No wonder in those 3-4 weeks , life seems perfect ,  just as it did two decades back....when, as teenagers, all that we had to think about and take care of ,was ourselves ,while everything peripheral  aka managing the household help, cooking ,cleaning, driving, paying the bills ,all household chores was taken care of by someone else...albeit that someone else was “Mama and Papa dear” and their entourage of contacts and helpers....One could get used to living like that, so much so that like I mentioned in my post three years back, before you realize it, you could get spoilt beyond redemption in India , and forced to unequivocably judge where life is better… It is very easy indeed to get carried away by the rosiness of the vacation and “holiday spirit”, where friends and family make all the time for you and for three short weeks set aside the worries that bog them down in their day to day lives...

There were countless instances when I was rhetorically asked that bringing up a child in the US must be tough, without the family/household/societal support system:), especially since I was a working mom!! This question about whether it is more difficult bringing up a child here in the US (as a working mom) vs in India was thought provoking, indeed. I agree that the love, affection, warmth, moral and physical support provided by grandparents and extended family is irreplaceable . I wouldn’t have been able to make it through the first and most important year of Raya’s life without the physical and moral support of my dear parents, and Raya probably wouldn’t have had even half as much fun in the first year of her life or developed like she has, without her grandparents being around for extended periods. But that aside, I have realized that bringing up a child, managing a home, a family, a job , life in general is just as difficult or as easy as you want to make it, no matter where you live…Not that it would have been any easier bringing up Raya if D and I had set up home some place else in India, other than Guwahati …no one would agree with me more on this than my dear friend, Rush, who has set up home in Gurgaon while her parents live down in South India….Given today’s nuclear family set ups, no matter where  home is, at every point, you are faced with a set of challenges…at every point of time, you have a set of choices…you make the choices you make and move on…letting time decide the effect they have on the course of your life…

I enjoy getting royally spoilt ,like I do, every time we are in India...At the end of the three to four weeks of what I like to call “unadulterated all play and no work time”, I am always engulfed with sadness and choke in tears at the thought of yet again leaving behind loved ones and my childhood home in Assam…Paradoxically and funnily enough, however, I am also subconsciously( and I know I have mentioned this before) ready to get back to the grind...to office work, cooking, cleaning, driving, doing the grocery, fighting with D about household chores, paying the mortgage, facing the challenges of bringing up Raya and generally getting back to “real” life...that’s “real”…that’s “life” as I know and love…as long as those  weeks of “unadulterated all play and no work time” keep getting squeezed into our busy lives, ever so often , we should be good, I guess:)…

Having said that though, hopefully we will be able to make more frequent trips back home to Assam with Raya, and also our parents /families will continue to be able to visit us often enough, so that she can grow up with the warmth and affection that only grandparents and family can provide…Fingers crossed…How that pans out, only time will tell….It's definitely tough for us, staying away from our parents and siblings...we miss them so much...but it's even tougher for our parents now, for grandparenthood has given birth to an absolutely different set of emotions that has made their grandchild the absolute centre of their lives ....

For now though, it’s been a good start to the new year for all three of us with the fabulous, refreshing trip from “home” to “home” back “home”, if that makes any sense at all :)

Wish all of you a very happy 2013…may the new year bring in health, love and happiness into all your lives…

"Baby talk"

I didn't realize bringing up a kid requires so much energy ...well for a typical, laid back(some would call it lazy:)) Libran like I am, the amount of energy "virtually" seems three fold...

But one adapts and learns to give up those lazy, lounging, napping, tea drinking, book reading, day dreaming, staring at the woods, "thinking of nothing" afternoons and evenings to do more real things like chasing a little one crawling up and down the stairs, indulging in "Uh oh"s, "Eh"s,"MaMa"s,"Dada"s,"Baba"s, "Mimi"s and all forms of baby talk, reading a board book in a sing song tone for the nth time in a day and looking at the little munchkin staring up at you in awe, as if you were creating magic with the words coming out of your mouth....yes, one adapts to the point where while seemingly longing for some alone time, as soon as the little one is out of the home for a stroll with the grandparents, hubby dear out golfing ,15 minutes alone, the quietness and emptiness of the home gets to me and begins to haunt me...and I thought I could do with some quiet time at home, doing yoga and trying to lose all those extra post partum pounds that I have been struggling to shed:)...well looks like the lazy, laid back Libran has gotten too used to all the action at home, after all....

Anyways that's that...little Raya is growing up real fast...she took her first steps across the room all by herself a couple of days back ... her own excitement at the milestone seemed to know no bounds , as she grinned from ear to ear while trying to clap her hands:)....we transitioned her to her own room...that was a particularly difficult step for me....spent quite a few sleepless nights in the process,wanting to make doubly/triply sure that she would be fine....but realized, that step would only get tougher as she grew older....she is already beginning to have a mind of her own, which could be good or bad...it's funny and sometimes awkward, the way this manifests itself... the other day, we were in an elevator at the mall with 5 other people...Ms Raya turns her head all around checking out each of the other 5 people, staring at each of them for at least a second...one round of checking out having been completed, she turns back to person 2, and smiles at her alone, almost as if she was giving that lady alone the endorsement of approval from among all the 5 strangers "oooh, ahhing" at her....a moment of awkwardness for me turned funny, as all 5 of the folks in the elevator burst into laughter at her reaction...other than working on keeping 'D' wrapped around her liitle finger, forming her own likes and dislikes and keeping me on my toes, she is getting royally spoilt by her grandparents, who are visiting :)

As for us, the parents, we are constantly struggling to strike the correct balance of helping Raya follow a routine, while still trying to keep her adaptable...helping her form her likes and dislikes without letting her get into the habit of throwing tantrums...let me tell you those parental skills are tough to master :)...Other than that,I am on "mission weight loss" before we go on our beach vacation...don't know what the fruit of that effort will be...fingers crossed :)

Leaving you with Raya's attempts at letting her hair down and shaking a leg ( or more appropriately, should I say head and hands) to the beats of 'Senorita' ...

Till my next break from hibernation from blogosphere, enjoy the rest of the summer...

Momma musings

8 months and 11 days to date since I became a mom...and before you proceed any further with this post, I must warn you not to expect anything cohesive here as I ramble on with musings of a new (really, not new anymore I guess!) mom...

It may sound cliched, but it's been a roller coaster ride indeed these past few months...parents leaving...I, deciding to go back to work to keep my sanity intact and prevent my brains from rusting :)...finding almost the perfect nanny and then 7 months down the road dealing with nanny woes...dealing with the perenial stay-at-home mom vs nanny vs day care debate...and in the midst of all that chaos, our little munchkin never failing to brighten up our days with something new everyday...

As bad as it may sound, I didn't turn out to be the stay at home variety after all...hence the decision to get back to work, albeit with some flexibility and a work location closer to home....I was earlier doing a more than an hour long commute(on a good day) each way to and from work....so needless to say, I was overjoyed with an offer that was inline with what I wanted to do as well as very conveniently located. A few months at home was enough to make me realize that given my personality, no matter how many hours a day I may spend physically close to my little one,my love and affection for her as well as the amount of undivided attention and quality time I could give her would remain unchanged irrespective of whether I ventured out to work or stayed at home....With this realization, it made more than just simple sense to venture out to work, keep myself up to date with the going ons in the corporate world, have some daily adult interaction ,get some form of help to take care of munchkin while I am out, while trying my best to make sure that she doesn't, in any way, feel neglected and her development is not affected.

D and my initial thought was that if we did find a good nanny, we would keep Raya home for at least one/two years before introducing her to nurseries/play schools where she could interact well with her peers and develop socially...Given an option, the thought of leaving an infant who was not yet mobile and capable of keeping himself/herself entertained with toys at least for short periods of time,in day care, kind of freaked me out, for no particular reason...Thus began the search for the perfect nanny :)...Let me tell you this, the search for a good nanny who fits well into your family, can be an extrememly frustrating experience, having to deal with all kinds of characters in the process...a couple of the potential nannies I interviewed cared only about the moolah...didn't bother to even turn and take a look at the child they would potentially be taking care of before fixing on the moolah aspect :(...there was one who came in for an interview with her boyfriend (God knows why!!)....and there were many others with their own set of idiosyncracies...I could go on and on...many a time, I was on the verge of giving up and just staying home...among close to 30 nannies I inteviewed, there were just two who struck a chord with me...they were maternal, warm, affectionate, loving and it was evident that nannying was more than a job for them ...they seemed to want to develop a lifelong bond with the child they would be taking care of...one of them was a simple,nurturing, Peruvian lady,'P', whom I took a liking to instantly and made an offer on the spot....she took great care of Raya for 6.5 months and Raya loved and still loves her...she was reliable and simple...but then as fate would have it , she had her own personal issues to deal with and she let me know that if and when I found good alternate care for Raya, she would want to take time off to deal with her family issues...fortunately she was not the kind who didn't turn up one fine day...I have heard those horror stories as well...and I thank God we weren't a part of another one of those tales...

Nevertheles, we were back to square one...debating yet again which way to go nanny vs day care vs quit work and become a SAHM...By this time, Raya was beginning to become quite active...sitting unsupported, crawling around, pulling up to furniture, becoming increasingly mobile and nurturing an increasing interest in toys and people around her...I just had this gut feeling that a play school/day care setting would do her good and was the way to go at this stage of her life...while we were inclined towards a day care setting, of course the endless talks of day care infections, illnesses, lack of one on one attention etc and just a general feeling of guilt kept us on the fence for quite a bit...till we found a place we felt really good about ...and then when we did,we decided to take the plunge...we introduced Raya to day care for 6.5 hours a day/5 days a week, three weeks back...needless to say, it broke my heart the first day when I left her at the day care...

Now, three weeks into day care and among that a week of seeing my munchkin go through a severe bout of cough and cold , I finally think my little darling is settling into her new routine...These days, day cares are quite well equipped, with video monitoring and instant messaging updates about what your little one's day is turning out to be...that helps at keeping general levels of apprehension and anxiety at bay, for parents and also in keeping the caregivers alert and on their toes...though I agree, it can never be a subsitute for a parent/family member being constantly around the child...but that's the way it just is, when you go this route and choose not to be a SAHM...I leave the dropping off to day care bit to D...let him be the bad cop :)...I play it safe and be the good cop:)....I pick my little munchkin up from the nursery every day....I first peek through the window before going into the classroom and more often than not see her playing around happily...sometimes on a bad day, I see her being a bit fussy...but fortunately that's not happened too often...but what's so far been a constant is...as soon as our eyes meet,she first smiles...then makes a face getting ready to cry, almost as if she realizes that mommy shouldn't see her happily playing around in school or mommy will get complacent :)... then she comes crawling as fast as she can to me ... I pick her up...she looks at me...the smile comes back on...she then looks around and smiles back at all her friends and teachers...almost saying without using any words..."My mommy is here".... and that in itself makes my day, everyday ...

I realize I have not been that bad a mom these past 8.5 months after all...and that smile says it all :)...How I handle the coming months and years is anyone's guess...but for now at least, I can flush out the guilt, rejoice and bask in the joys and glory of just being a mom...:)

Here's a salute and toast to Stay at Home Moms and Working Moms alike...there's no right or wrong choice here...it's a personal choice that each of us makes and it's a difficult choice either way ...and no matter which choice you end up making, here's hoping it keeps you and your little one, happy and contented...

Leaving you with a few pictures of little Miss Sunshine , busy at work and play...:)

P.S.It's funny but I just realized I never write blog posts in the middle of a crisis(e.g. the nanny vs day care vs SAHM crises)...I wonder why...of course a part of it is lack of time, being too busy dealing with the crisis itself...also probably a part of it is because I prefer to write once I have found the light at the end of the tunnel...it just helps keep the optimism alive...probably :)

RAYA...

Visualize this...mid 1990s...a feisty teenager who feels she can take on the world like a storm...dreams in her eyes...determination gallore...cynical about the institution of marriage...while loving babies and little ones to cuddle with, nurturing a complete disregard for the blessing of a women's ability to bring life into the world...belief that life should not be moulded or steered by institutions like marriage and children...a proponent of the 'life is meant to be lived on one's own terms, without exceptions' paradigm...

Fast forward 15 years...visualize this...a woman with a huge bump on her tummy,religiously trying to attend prenatal yoga classes( because that's what the current 'earth mother'/'go green'/'organic' world says is best for her baby and her)...eating 'healthy'...doing whatever folklore and modern motherhood tales say about giving birth to and bringing up a healthy baby...enduring an 18 hour labor...being rushed into the surgery room for a 'C' section, because all the 'prenatal yoga' and 'walking' in the world failed to do it's magic:)...shivering in apprehension and anticipation in the surgery room...breaking down into tears as the little bundle of joy is placed next to her...letting life turn into a scramble as she tries to get too many things done in too little time...dealing with lifestyle changes...dealing with the challenges of nursing... night outs, partying out in the city,give way to nightouts, at home, feeding the little one and changing diapers...impropmtu trips give way to impeccably planned getaways...designer bags make way for the life saving diaper bag...those 'n' pairs of confidence boosting high heels( which she could not do without till a few months back), gather dust in the closet while giving way to unappealing,comfortable flats...she does everything that belies her erstwhile definition of "living life on her own terms" 15 years back...yet she is the happiest she has ever been in life...the early morning smile from her little one brightens up her day, gives her the energy to go through the day with zest and vigor...rekindles her belief in miracles and makes her feel complete...you may call it a life changing event...I prefer to call it the 'FLOW' of life...RAYA, our little Miss Sunshine...all of almost 5 months now and filling our lives with an abundance of love, laughter, smiles, babble, coos, rolls, twists and not to forget drool and wet diapers:)

Interestingly enough 'D' and I went into the gender determining Ultra Sound with just one name in mind...RAYA...while I lay on the Ultra Sound table, I must admit I felt terribly guilty about not having a boy's name in mind yet...it did inherently mean that both D and I were hoping for a baby girl...what if, it was a boy, instead??!! Fortunately both of us were spared from sulking in pangs of guilt for the rest of the pregnancy,with the news that it was a girl indeed :)

Time and again, a lot of people have asked 'D' and me what RAYA means...While I can't take credit for coming up with the name RAYA...that came from little Miss Sunshine's dad...but I must admit I did love the sound and vibe of it instantly...short, simple and yet eloquent...While the origin of the word RAYA is the Hebrew word meaning "Friend", it has a wide range of meanings in different cultures...in Greek, it means "Wise guardian"...in Bulgarian, it means "Queen/Heaven"...in Russian, it means "Relaxed"...in Mayian, it means "Unique, one of a kind/ Easy to love, beautiful and pure "...in Latin, it means "Queen"....in Arabic, it means "Aroma"...in Old Greek, it means "Adaptable,easy going"...in Slavonic, it means "Happy"...and most importantly in Sanskrit, it means "Flow"...

RAYA, the 'flow' of our lives has provided fodder and momentum to 'D' and my lives...has given birth to new enriching and fulfilling emotions and relationships...has lead us to the delightful shores of parenthood, and continues to direct and lead us to explore new horizons every day of our lives...

And wait...before you leave this page, I have the feeling I am heading in the direction of becoming the cooler parent:) contrary to what I felt mid way into my pregnancy...As Raya is growing up, looks like Daddy dear has a lot more aspirations for our little munchkin...I increasingly hear 'D' talk about what he will allow her to do and what he will not, wants her to do and doesn't etc,while I have adopted a rather laid back attitude and am just focussing on enjoying the joys of motherhood and watching my munchkin grow up...'D' may turn out to be the stricter parent, after all...oh well, we'll see...the 'FLOW' of life will tell indeed:)

In the meanwhile, wish us luck! Bringing up a child the 'right'
way is difficult, specially when the notion of 'right' and 'wrong' is as fuzzy as it is in the world today...

About time...?

Well, I have been out of blogosphere for a while now...not for the lack of new things happening in life, though...:)

I have just been in two minds about sharing the news of probably one of the most significant life events in D and my lives...will get to that in a moment...

But then I miss blogging...and under the current scenario, writing about anything else without sharing this bit of news , the excitement, anxiety and nervousness associated with it just seems inappropriate and insignificant...

So I realized, it was about time I got back to my much neglected blog, about time I wrote about the life changes of the past six months, about time I shared D and my excitement, nervousness, apprehensions about the changes that life has brought on and those still to come...about time I mentioned the impending new arrival into our family...

Yes, D and I are expecting our first in another 2 and half months...we are excited, anxious, nervous, happy...all at the same time, if that's possible at all...but yes, after 5 years of marriage and into our 30s, I wouldn't blame you if you echoed our parents' thoughts and said that it indeed is about time :)

So well, going back to why it took me so long to write about something that's literally been the centre of our lives these past few months....While the first trimestor of pregnancy is unpredictable and uncertain for most women and hence a lot of people just prefer not talking about their pregnancy during that period...that aside,in general Indians tend to be really superstitious about anything related to pregnancy...I never could understand why....I do realize that two and a half months is still a long way to go and God forbid, a lot of things could go wrong in the next couple of months...so as of now,just trying to keep the positivity flowing, steering clear of all negativity and hoping and praying for a happy, healthy baby, while we prepare for her arrival...

So what has the last six months been like... a roller coaster of emotions, to put it simply....in the first trimester, in addition to the usual first trimester discomforts associated with nausea and exhaustion, I was encompassed by this intermittent fear that something may go wrong ....the second trimester was fun , other than having to get used to growing bigger and bigger...into my third trimester now …and growing bigger by the day...I perennially obsess about the little’s ones kicks and somersaults and sometimes the lack thereof...I failed my glucose screening test and have to undergo a longer glucose tolerance test now to make sure evrything's on track… and everyone says, the most difficult bit is yet to come...so essentially I am trying to keep enjoying the pregnancy and hanging in there with dreams in my eyes :)

It's funny the kind of changes impending parenthood brings about...In the past, whenever D and I talked of kids,I always imagined myself as a cool parent, never having undue expectations from my child and letting him/her grow up with unbridled freedom(much like how my brother and I did)...Hence, now I find it quite amusing and incredible when I talk to D about passing on my unfulfilled aspirations onto the little one...how I wish our child would be good at art unlike me...how the child wouldn't be flat footed like me...etc. etc...While DD brushes me off lightly with, "Don't get into the habit of forcing your unfulfilled aspirations on our child",I realize the flaw in my thoughts and just for a moment, feel a pang of envy realizing that probably( no, most definitively) D will be the cooler parent...:)...and I guess, I better get used to that :)…well, so that's that...

Wish us luck folks...your best wishes mean a lot to us as we get prepared for the final phase of this run...

A generation gone by...

Yesterday night papa called to let us know that aita (my paternal grandmom) was no more...Aita had not been keeping well for sometime now, though everyone back home says that the dignity with which she carried herself in those last few days, while she struggled with her illness, was incredible ...However as anyone can imagine , even the most expected news is difficult to accept when we are actually faced with it...so while papa tried his best to try and make it easy for us to accept the news with as much dignity as Aita would have wanted, by repeatedly emphasising that she passed away peacefully, without any pain whatsoever, tears rolled down my cheeks and I wept into my pillow at the thought of not ever again seeing that beautiful lady e who made that lovely house on the hilltop in Guwahati a HOME, a home where all of us grandchildren have spent many a cherishable moment..

I have been one of those fortunate ones , who has had a chance to spend significant amount of time with both sets of grandparents, and as I look back at the influences in my life these past three decades ...I see a bit of each four of them in myself today...and notice a predominant influence of both sets of grandparents on how my life has shaped up, thus far...

My maternal grandfather, a lawyer by profession,well known in Jorhat as the Nana ukil, was a warm, loving , witty and jolly man , who believed in living life to the fullest...perhaps it was from him that I learnt to love life, without too many complaints and to cherish and capture the little moments of life that make it so beautiful...

My maternal grandmom,Aita ma, was a beautiful lady, who was one of the most loving ,warm, affectionate and broadminded women of her times...her beautiful smile and the warmth of her embrace exuded a charm and joy , that was infectious...never heard her utter a foul word about anyone ever...she embraced friends and acquaintances of her children and grandchildren like her own...so much so that, I remember, as soon as I would tell my friends that my grandmom was visiting us, they would be dying to see her , listen to her stories and revel in her delicious cooking....married at the tender age of 9 and despite her limited formal education, she was the most open minded on worldly issues and in matters of the heart, alike...she carried her heart on her sleeves...and taught me to love and be loved...

My paternal granddad, Koka, was an academician by profession, a philanthropist in words and deeds...a humble soul who achieved accolades that are still held in awe even after his lifetime...the kind of goodwill and respect that he earned among his peers and the generations that followed with his noble deeds make people bow down in respect at the mention of his name even today...he had an aura, in the glory of which we , his grandchildren, bask even today when we visit Assam...he inculcated in us the values of respecting other human beings irrespective of caste,creed, religion and social standing, of humility, of empathy, of learning, of open mindedness, of not misusing the power and responsibility that we have, as humans...

And then of course,Aita, my dear paternal grandmom, a beautiful lady who was eons ahead of her times as far as lifetime achievements are concerned...a beautiful lady who was a writer, classical singer, a classical dancer, a thespian, a youth activist all rolled in one, while being the lovely grandmother that she was to all of us...She won many an accolade for her writings, her short stories, her translations of great English works like Jane Eyre to Assamese as well as for her many other talents....She epitomised the modern Indian women ...getting married to the man she loved against all odds, driving her own car, being independent while adhering to the basic values that make our family what it is today...she personified strength and dignity as she battled many a physical and mental battle that has helped the family overcome many a crisis...I guess it is that love, respect , strength and confidence needed for dignified living that I have acquired from her in some form...

Whenever I go back home to Assam, there are invariably multiple moments and occasions when people ask me my grandparents' names and as soon as I tell them, there is almost an involuntary, innate sense of respect and awe that fills their beings and demonstrates itself in their bearings...needless to say, it fills my heart with pride ...it makes be feel happy...it makes be feel fortunate and privileged ...and sometimes, it also does make me feel sad as well at the thought that I will probably not be able to do justice to that legacy and lineage I have been blessed with...

Over the years, while trying to deal with this quagmire and maze that this world and life is, I have often struggled to deal with situations that require aggressiveness, a killer instinct, a mean streak, a cynical view of people and the world ...things that are more often than not needed to get your way or make it big in the world today...I have often attributed this inability to my upbringing...but have time and again invariably failed in defying my upbringing to fit into the more cliched versions of people and the world like it is this day...

Today, as I remember Aita, Koka, Aita ma and Pipi....these are glimpses that fleet past my mind...the glimpse of Pipi throwing me into the air in joy as he celebrated the win of his favorite cricket team, the glimpse of cuddling up to aita ma, while she told me stories and fed me my favorite dish, the glimpse of Koka sitting on the lawns of "Anandam" , giving me a hug and telling me how proud he was of me on some achivement, the glimpse of Aita lying down in bed next to me and reading out stories while she tried to put me to sleep...glimpses and moments that have made me "ME"...glimpses and moments that make me realize how fortunate I have been to have had the upbringing I have had...to have been loved as much as I have... to have been taught to love life, people and this world....to have been born to the son and daughter of these four beautiful human beings...

With the passing away of Aita ,a whole generation has passed by...We love you aita and we will miss you...

Assam...Guwahati..."Anandam", home and life as I know it, will never be the same again...